Feeling invisible 🫥

Anyone else feel invisible to everyone after having babies? I'm currently 12 weeks into my second daughter and for the most part I am loving it. But on the hard days I just feel so alone and invisible. Yesterday was a hard day with baby unsettled coupled with me being sick and when my partner came home, I was visibly upset and crying and he proceeded to sit on his phone until the baby cried again. He took her off me, at which point I just took myself upstairs to breathe and gather myself. Got the two kids to sleep, and I came down and zonked out on the sofa due to being sick. He woke me up asking why I hadn't put dinner on. He made a pizza (didn't eat as I felt awful). I went up to bed and literally passed out instantly. Woke up at some point in the night with baby starting to fuss for a feed, partner wasn't in the room so obviously down prepping a bottle. He came back up a minute later and said to me, "you could have given her some comfort". I replied that she wasn't crying just fussing and I've comforted her all day so can I just have a break this once. He said nothing. In that moment I felt like he may aswell have said I was a bad mum 😓 I just feel so alone, undervalued, expected to constantly step in and pick up the slack, provide financially and somehow survive myself. I have no mum friends, I have no friends at all really. My identity is my kids...I can't remember the last time I done something that I enjoyed and took full interest in just for me. I guess I'm just here ranting, hoping somehow I'm not alone. Although I wouldn't wish feeling like this on anyone!
Share Mobile
  • Share

Show your support

U need to tell him exactly how you feel you can't go on like this, it's not good for you or the kids. They may be young but soon enough they will pick up on the energy in the house. He needs to be 50/50 with you and give u little breaks during day!.. if u like you can pm me

Aw this is really unfair your husband sounds like he needs a kick up the ass tbh. Can you leave the kids with him for a few hours at the weekend and see how he copes? Also is there any classes nearby you can try out with baby?

@Sarah he works Monday-Saturday so I feel bad even asking for time to get a shower these days 🙃 we do go to baby classes weekly but ita very difficult to make any friends. At the minute no matter what I do baby is so unsettled, when she's normally really content so I'm struggling with it because it's just me dealing with it 24/7. If I get 40 mins in a week to myself at the minute that's a good week😓

Where abouts in NI are you? I have two children as well. I find it so much easier getting out of the house than staying in all day. Your partner really needs to step up.

@Lesley Dromore (Co.down), we get out every day for a walk with the dog for at least an hour - weather permitting obviously as I prefer baby to be in the carrier rather than in the pram. She's bottle fed too so I find that really restrictive at the minute because she's got zero routine with feeding, she'll maybe take 2oz one feed then the next take 4oz and there's no set times between feeds and it's very hard to figure it out given that she's so up and down with how much she takes. The only thing I feel like I have figured out with her is her sleep (wake windows/naps). Think I'm more struggling with her suddenly (like overnight) being really unsettled and not being able to comfort her, I feel like a complete failure and his attitude hasn't helped unfortunately.

You're in Dromore? You're only about 10-15 mins from me. I'm in the same position RE the loneliness and feeling invisible although I'm lucky to have such a supportive partner but it's difficult even with that so I really do understand how you feel. I also have no mum friends (or friends at all, really) so please feel free to message me! My daughter has just turned 20wks so yours isn't far behind and if nothing else, I'm happy to be an understanding and empathetic ear. ❤️

I'm also in Dromore, I have a little boy who is nearly 11 months and if you ever want to try out a mum and tots group or just go for a walk send me a message! Always happy to make new friends 🙂

He may work Mon-Sat but guess what, you work Sun-Sun!!! I bet in work he gets toilet breaks and a tea break and a set lunch plus the drive there and back with the radio on or sitting on the bus on his phone, dont feel too bad!!! Time to shower etc is the bare minimum. If I were you I’d be taking myself off to the gym or swim two nights a week just for a break. He needs to wise up sorry ❤️

Don't feel bad asking him to watch his children its also his job because otherwise your job is never ending. You need to book in a few hours a week whether it's when he gets home or at the weekend. If he thinks having a full time job resolves him of all other responsibilities hes wrong . Next time he asks why you haven't put dinner on ask him why the fuck he hasnt.... sorry I just get do fed up with men like this who leave their partner to drown

Read more on Peanut
Trending in our community