Pregnancy announcement to friends of infertility

I have always had the mindset of “ I’m so happy for you, but sad for myself” when I was struggling with infertility. It’s hard for people to see pregnancy announcements but when it is someone very close to you, it’s easy to be happy for them but sad for yourself at the same time. If they are the type of friend like me, they will be happy for you and show that happiness for you. They may go home and be upset, but in front of you it’s all happiness for them! And as someone who went through it, I think it is very sweet and considerate of you to ask opinions because some people could care less if their friend or family member is struggling and not think about how that person may feel! 🤍

As someone who has not only struggled with infertility and has gone through IVF but also lost a baby in neonatal, I love to see you be so considerate. As for how to tell them, I'd put it in a text message to allow them time to process the information however they need to, in private. That may include a moment of sadness for themselves. I wouldn't tell them over the phone as they can feel pressured to express happiness when at first that news could sting a little. I definitely wouldn't tell them in a public space with other friends and family as again it wouldn't allow for that initial feeling to exist safely. I'd end the text by saying you'd love to speak to them when they are ready to and you'd love for them to be a part of your journey in whatever capacity they feel comfortable. Good luck xx

I wouldn’t rub in the “on our first try” line because that might sting a bit! I would do it over text to give them time to react in their own way.

I agree with @@Gigithere is no need mention that it was the first try (even if they already have enough information to work that out themselves there’s no need to say it out loud) Like the others said a text message is the best way to tell the news as it will give them time to process first and be able to give you a nice reaction when they are ready. You are clearly a kind and empathetic friend and congrats on your pregnancy xx

I agree with everyone, over text means they can process the news without having to put on a brave face for you. They are your friends, of course they will be happy for you but it will bring up emotions about their own fertility journey for sure. Thank you for thinking of people like us xx

I agree face to face is not a good way as it puts them on the spot. I started to feel so sad at yet ANOTHER pregnancy announcement when we were struggling to concieve. I’d put on a brave face but I’d take a few hours to feel my sadness and then muster up a reply

It's great that you are so considerate. I agree sending a message would be the best way. It takes some processing time of being sad for yourself (and possibly dealing with the shock if not expecting it) before being able to express how happy you are for someone else. A private message saying you understand that it might be difficult but wanted to let them know would be really appreciated rather than sending the announcement in a group chat.

@Sasha this is so true. A friend of mine sent me a text the day before she put it in the group chat to let me know she was pregnant. We had both been doing ivf so she knew I was in the wars too. I was so happy for her coz she had such a struggle but it really meant a lot to me that she thought about me and gave me some notice before sending her news in the friends WhatsApp group