Letting baby cry at night

Following! My instinct is the pick him up everytime he cries and feed but would be interested to see if leaving him to cry would lead to self soothing

there are a lot of studies to show how damaging this is. Their cortisol levels rise drastically when they’re crying and they need our support to release dopamine and lower them. at this age they’re too small to “self soothe”. They’ll only fall asleep eventually because they’ve either exhausted themselves or they recognise no one is coming for them- both things can affect their attachment and relationships long term.

@Taylor any suggestions of what to if your baby constantly wakes then? It can’t be good for him because he doesn’t get anywhere near the amount of sleep he needs and it is having an affect on my mental and physical health. I can’t ask my partner or anyone else to help because the breast is the only thing he wants 90% of the time. Also, he can’t be hungry because he feeds sooo often, it must just be for comfort.

I don’t really have any suggestions for you I’m afraid, I was only answering your question about crying it out. My daughter’s sleep has been horrid since the sleep regression and it genuinely sucks. I can’t ask my husband to help because he works and has a condition that really exhausts him so he needs his sleep. So it’s on me. I’m unbelievably knackered but I cannot and will not leave her to cry when she gets up.

@Taylor I feel the same way. It’s put me off having more children to be honest, I don’t think I could go through this again 😴

My boy was waking 7 times a night crying for the past 2 months. We were both exhausted during the day and it wasn't good for both of us. I started the ferber sleep method 2 days ago. He cried the first night but I stayed and soothed him. 2nd night he slept 8pm-7am and only woke once for a feed, he also self soothed to sleep. I hope it continues as we're both much happier today.

I’ve never let either of my babies cry it out and they’ve both slept through the night since 6 weeks old and are very happy content and independent children, babies need their parents to hold them when they cry to help regulate their nervous system and aswell as that, babies can not self soothe until around 5 years old, even my nearly 3 year old still needs help getting to sleep at night x

@Aimée so pleased to hear you’ve had a positive experience. I have been so tempted to sleep train because if it works like it has for you then surely one or two nights of baby being upset are better in the long run if ultimately baby sleeps better and mum and baby are happier and healthier in the long run. So hard because I know I will worry and feel guilty if I let him cry but something has to change, Hope your baby’s good sleep continues for you both. Xx

Has your lo only recently started crying and waking up or has this been an ongoing situation? Is he cold maybe? Teething? Reflux? I’ve read on here that a lot of EBF babies are terrible sleepers (my lo is formula fed and slept through since 6 weeks) but could something be bothering him? Is he having a lot of naps during the day?

@Lucy-May I agree that we shouldn’t let our babies cry BUT unlike yours, mine just doesn’t sleep 😔😔 every night I dread bedtime. I’ve tried everything else that is recommended and show him nothing love and comfort he just cannot sleep for more than a hour at a time 😫

I did feel awful and I never wanted to sleep train but we were getting 0 sleep for months so had to do something. He got really good quality sleep last night and woke up babbling and smiling which is a first since February

You totally can leave to cry some. You can look into the Ferber method for sleep. It worked great with our son but our daughter the October baby is a whole different story. She will just cry and cry so after a bit I will go in and help her even though we have tried. So I think you can definitely try and see if it works and if it doesn’t that okay. Having your baby cry isn’t terrible. It’s where you just ignore them forever which isn’t great. So crying for certain amounts of time is totally fine

@Aimée I’m in exactly the same boat. If things don’t change soon then I think we’ll be left with no other option. I’m glad to hear it works and your baby sounds as though they are happier after some good sleep and I can imagine you definitely are too. I’m certain a couple of nights of not being picked up as soon as they cry isn’t going to do babies any long term half. People have the rest of their lives to show how loved they are.

@Gabrielle thank you. That’s reassuring xx

So I’m here just for support as a breastfeeding Mum to a 5 month old, Angel by day and terrorist by night. He has never been a good sleeper.. he would sleep for hours if on one of us (but then of course you can’t sleep) and would often wake hourly. We had a week where it improved and then got bad again at 3.5 months, guessing 4 month leap and he’d go down for 2 hours at the start and then would wake anywhere from 0-60mins every time thereafter when we tried to put him down. Would be quick to settle in arms or on the breast but just didn’t want to be alone in his next to me. It broke me in all honesty. I did express occasionally so my partner could do a stint so I could get a block of sleep some mornings. I’ve been told by family I should let him cry and creating a rod for my own back but it just doesn’t sit right with me personally and I believe the science behind them not being able to self soothe yet. It’s got better He now occasionally does a 4/5 hr stint and 3hrs are more common

Do whatever you need to get through as best you can and stay kind to yourself in the process.. In the depths of sleep deprivation it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it will come. Also it wasn’t gradual with us.. it went from terrible night to a good night.. still have some bad ones but the avg week sleep quota for us all has definitely improved. I hope your little one blesses you with some sleep soon! x

My son has always been a terrible sleeper too. I’ve recently moved him into his cot in the nursery and although not sleeping through the night complaining his and my sleep is a lot better. It takes time to settle him in there but I think part of the problem was I was too quick to come to him too and he knew I would. I do leave him for a few minutes/5 to see if he can settle himself then go in if still crying but try not to take him out the cot and either stroke him or put my hand on his chest.I did try to leave him for longer but found he got more worked up and was hard in the middle of the night to cope with. I’d also recommend the pampers sleep app 7 day free trial. Helped me recognise his tired cues in the day which has really helped with night sleep too

Someone said to me that when babies stop crying eventually it’s not because they’ve ’self-soothed’ it’s because they’ve given up believing that their mama is coming to help them. This was so heartbreaking for me I could never ever do it. I’d rather be tired, and I am 😅

Don’t feel pressured into cry it our if it feels wrong. They are communicating a need. They shut down if not responded to to conserve energy, not because they have learnt to sleep. Sleep isn’t a skill, and the more you love and respond the more independent they are ! Just enjoy loving your baby, and that goes into toddlerhood and childhood. I wouldn’t leave my husband to cry it out and he’s a 30 year old man, and I don’t and won’t do it to my 2 year old or 5 month old 💕

I recommend the book cribsheet by Emily Oster for all new mums. A data backed guide and straight to the point. Chapter 11 sleep training is excellent. TLDR: you will not screw up your kid if you sleep train/don’t immediately pick them up after the fourth trimester. Also, Precious Little Sleep by Alexis Dubief is very good. The negative studies on leaving babies to cry were based on awful orphanages in Romania where the poor babies suffered days upon months of neglect. You need to weigh up if his lack of sleep and your reduced ability to parent as a result of 6 months of sleep deprivation is worth some short term upset. Everyone needs to parent in a way they feel comfortable with. Some babies know how to sleep (lucky lucky parents who just got so lucky and it’s actually nothing to do with their parenting sorry to say!!) and some babies don’t sleep, but it’s up to the parents how to manage that.