In laws comforting baby

So, my Mum, MIL and friends did this. It’s because they didn’t just want to hand baby back as soon as she fussed. They wanted to give me a break. I think you naturally want them back though, it’s the maternal pull when they’re crying!

My baby was hysterically crying once when I walked into the room and she said (in these words!): she’s just a bit grizzly…… boils my blood. Pulls a face every time I ask for her back when she’s upset. I don’t believe in the slightest that she wants to give me a break, she just wants to hold her as if she’s her own

It’s a MIL thing I’m telling you

Really liked my MIL until I had a baby 🤣 now I dread seeing her

We have to go abroad with them soon as this family holiday that has been booked and I swear, she’ll need to learn that my baby, is NOT her baby. Obsessive isn’t the strongest word 😭

I know it’s not easy but I’d have a word, talk to them about boundaries and if they’re not able to respect them then, they need to stay away from you and baby until they can! Have you spoken to your partner/husband? Maybe he can have a word. Wishing you nothing but luck, mama

I dunno, it some of it sounds like a you problem... I do understand if you have set that boundary then she should listen. That's not a question, she's wrong there. If you asl for the baby back from anyone then the baby should instantly be given back! But she's watching you like a hawk and copying you because she wants to do her best to settle the baby. She's trying to learn, that should be a good thing? The fact that this annoys you seems a little odd. Are you sure you're not feeling a little insecure, like on the inside do you want to be the only one able to settle your baby? That feeling happens to all of us, so there's no judgment here. Honestly I'd take the opportunity to have my arms free. It won't last forever, when the baby is abit bigger I'm sure you're MIL won't be as pushy. Also if you're already feeling some kinda way it's easy to get 'smug' from someone, talk to your partner and see if they are getting the same read, coz it might be just your anger. Proud can come across that way too.

I’d like to say she is trying to help or wanting to feel good about comforting herself but she would be better off saying “do you want her so you can help comfort her/make her feel better?” And give you the option and if you didn’t mind her holding her still than that’s your decision

My baby crying was always got back to me. Doesn't seems normal her to keep it especially if you want your baby back. Looks like she try to parent your baby. Unless you are confortable with it it's not OK

I'd have given anything for anyone to help my daughter if she cried lol, everyone, my own husband would hand her right to me if she cried 😂❤️ so idk, I can see it gives you anxiety when it happens though, like you want to fix it. This is all instinctual💖 but I guess it's what's best for her & you. Is it best she learns she is safe and loved without you? Or do you want to be her main support? No judgement. My daughter runs to me today if she's hurt or anything mad or sad she comes running for me "MA MAAAA" As much as I love it I do resent my husband/ family for forcing me to handle it all on my own. Then around what, 6 mo old she didn't like her own dad lol, that was fun. But it was reversed & they all quickly started helping me ☺️

My mom does this I’m ngl, it niggles at me sometimes, but I get what she’s trying to do

I could’ve written this myself! My MIL is the exact same & it boils my blood. That or she passes the baby round to everyone like he’s a bloody pass the parcel, infuriates me 🙈xx

My mum does this, I’ve told her repeatedly not to but doesn’t listen. Recently I’ve snapped at her quite badly and she seems to be doing it less. Still, it’s not none at all.🙃 Same as comment above. When she’s too busy to have baby she’ll pass him to everyone else, even if I’m telling her he needs feeding/changing/etc. 🤯

Similar to the other posters I am relieved when someone else other than me can soothe baby!!! My mil has also done something similar and I also had that niggling feeling at the start. And I really love my mil and we have a great relationship. So I wonder if that initial feeling is quite instinctual for us mums. But when I ask for her back she always gives the baby to me. I think that is the line I draw with her. If I ask for my baby back from anyone I expect her back. Perhaps thinking about your boundaries and must do/must not do and let that guide you rather than the initial feeling of your mil being unreasonable.

The part she watches you how you comfort and then tries is a good thing! I’d insist for that to be done before they try and comfort. If she’s holding baby to try and calm her should be consensual and both of you wanting her to try so she is able to in the long run. If she doesn’t that’s wrong. In the long run if your plan is that she will help out w baby it’s good she’s trying already and wants to do it your way and watches what you do! Xx

Thank you for everyone that’s commented! I do think I need to loosen the reigns a little and that’s something I’m going to work on for sure. I absolutely want to be the person to comfort my baby when she’s hysterically crying - my MIL knows it upsets me when my baby cries as she made a comment in front of me to another family member about how I get upset when she cries.. all the whilst my baby is crying in her arms so I honestly do think she’s over stepping her boundaries a little and needs to allow me to mother my own child instead of her thinking she can and let her go once in a while when she’s around us. I get she wants a relationship with her grand daughter; every grandma would! But there’s wanting a relationship and then there is pushing a relationship too hard and trying to take over my role when she’s around and I’m watching. I honestly am a spare part when she’s around because she instantly wants my baby and then refuses to pass her back. I think a conversation is needed! X

How do I word “you’ve had 5 children- you’ve had your turn; let me have mine with MY child” 🤣🤣

"I know you want to help, and I want you to help, I do. But when I ask for the baby back I mean it, I don't want you to think it's optional. That said, I recognise where sometimes I'm overprotective. I feel like that's my job I'm her mama, I will try to let loose the reigns a little, at my discretion. I hope that makes sense, I'm just being the best mama I can be. She's my world."

It’s also biology. Our brains as new mums go to fight or flight mode and stress hormones are instantly all over us when we hear our infant cry. This is how life works, it makes us care for our babies as they’re the most helpless in the whole animal kingdom, so we are wired this way. That’s no overprotective or doing something wrong it’s biology. It shows you’re a good mum. And as a first time mum this is so new to us! She probably doesn’t remember anymore because we tend to forget these things. But explain it to her if she wants a good relationship w her grandchild she needs to make sure you guys good at team work and understanding each other. Won’t work any other way. Xx

Talking about you to others in front of you w baby crying is a big nono. And I think you should privately say to her that it’s not acceptable and not ok. Imagine if she continued to do this when your child is older and understands, outside of being demeaning towards you, your child will start not liking her for this. She should hear this.

Wow this mother in law seems a little jelous sounds like a weird one to me