Partner obsessed with boundaries for toddler
Hi all, I am slightly losing my mind over here. Our toddler, like all toddlers at this age, is going through a developmental leap and is bit more grumpy than usual and also doing the usual toddler little short cries if she doesn't get her way or can't do something she's trying to do. My partner has got obsessed with everything she does responding with "laying down boundaries' and acting almost as if everything she does (early wake ups, getting upset) is only to do with her pushing boundaries, so then he just tries to lay down the law vs make sure she's OK or give her comfort. For example, yesterday she wasn't enjoying her bath and was crying and whingeing a fair amount. Rather than just get her clean then get her out he tried keeping her in for a bit longer as a teaching moment and so she obviously got crazy grumpy. This morning she woke at 530 (she has always done this despite all kinds of efforts on our part) and instead of doj g the usual calmly persist to put her back down til 6 I have heard him in there talking to her, telling her it's not time to wake up, getting fairly stern tone, and is currently laying down on her floor while she is up, saying it isn't time to get up, and I can hear her being so confused and wanting to just play with him. I obviously say no, take things away from her when not safe, don't relent to tantrums but I do so calmly and with empathy, give her a little bug, try to explain why she might be upset and that's OK, then move on to something else. I'm really not liking his approach and his attitude that she is basically just constantly misbehaving and everything needs to be some sort of strict boundary lesson. Amy advice?! I think he's lost the plot. He's letting his frustrations seep into his interactions and I think it will set back their bond as she's been a crazy clingy mummy's girl and she was only just starting to let that go a bit
I can honestly see both sides, but I do think he needs to be a bit “softer” with his approach as you’ve mentioned. I’ve read before that it’s best to stick to routine as best as you can when they’re going through a regression or leap. It’s really hard to agree when you both have different ideas of parenting styles. Have you guys thought about ways you can reach a medium? We usually stick to our routines but comfort her throughout without setting harsh expectations. E.g. if she doesn’t want to wash her hair, we make it fun, reassure her etc. So we’re still doing what needs to be done but ultimately not forcing her or setting harsh boundaries. It’s so difficult at this stage and probably wouldn’t work for everything, but I think he means well. His approach just needs some re-wiring.