Child visitation for newborn

If he has your contact information then there is nothing for you to do. Also you will most probably not want to leave a newborn, said newborn may only settle for you and if you are breastfeeding then it may not really be possible to start with. I would message to say he is welcome to come round and see her as much as he wants (but not take her) and mention child support. Also it would be better to do this before she's born, your mental state now is much stronger than it will be with a newborn, arguing then could give you post partum anxiety. Set firm boundaries now, you can always backtrack if he seems responsible, caring and you trust him (it doesn't sound like he is). Sadly he may not bother than much. I split from my ex and have not allowed him to be alone with the baby, he has bothered to visit twice in the two months since.

@Michele well he said he didn't want to speak to me and wants to arrange visiting through my dad... which honestly sounds so ridiculous to me. We also agreed on a name, and since we aren't on speaking terms anymore I'm not sure if that still stands... I'm tempted to change it.

Feel free, I am now calling my son by his middle name (my choice). Don't put this mans name on the birth certificate (it gives him legal rights) and give the baby your last name. If you are the primary caregiver, have complete control and have your last name be the same as your childs.

Also he has to speak to the mother of his child? This man is being petty and immature.

Hey mama to be. I’m sorry you’ve found yourself in this situation but to be honest based on how you’ve described his behaviour it sounds like you’re better off without him. It’s not up to you to organise this - it’s his responsibility to get in touch, check on the welfare of his unborn child and his child’s mother and make plans and arrangements. I would let him know when baby is born but it’s probably best not to make specific plans/timings until baby is here - you don’t know how you’re going to feel, and physically be up for seeing visitors etc. Be fair, but you’re absolutely allowed to do things on your terms and should be putting reasonable boundaries in place; ‘you can visit at these times for ‘x’ long but can’t take baby with you as I’m breastfeeding etc’. Remember this is what is going to be convenient for you and baby, not what pleases him. Go through the government agency is he’s not forthcoming with child support and mediator service. All the luck in the world X

@Michele yeah, i have spoken to two counsellors/therapists regarding all this and they both said his behaviour is narcissistic and controlling. I was willing to use the name we chose (his preference mostly) and let him know when the baby finally arrives, but i don't even feel like doing that anymore since he refuses to be normal. :/

@Issy Ok, I'll keep quiet and see if he reaches out in the end... I was just hoping he'd mention something now, so i have a clear mind because i do have a lot of anxiety regarding this. I'm also seeking legal advice.

I totally get it, having been in similar situation myself and you just want things to be relatively sorted before baby gets here. Unfortunately it sounds as though you’re not dealing with someone that shares these values - it’s so hurtful and disappointing and the last thing you need right now. Sounds like a really sensible thing to do. Best of luck to you X

@Issy thank you X

I would send him a photo once she’s born just to let him know and leave it up to him to ask to see her. Then let him come over when it suits you, don’t bend over backwards for him if you’re too drained to be around him. I definitely wouldn’t let him have the baby without you as a newborn, newborns need to be around their primary caregiver and you’ll need to be around the baby, don’t let him bully you into unsupervised contact xx also give the baby your surname, it will make your life so much easier xx