Baby daddy duties

Remind me to come respond to this in Liek 30 minutes when I get home 😂

I was just thinking of asking similar things myself! I think you're doing right by you and your baby. I'm worrying that I'm getting in the way of my son's relationship with his dad, but really only the dad is the one in the way of it! I can't force the guy to take interest in things i assumed he'd be dying to know about! It's a real minefield so thank you for posting and showing I'm not alone xxx Do what feels right for you and yours x

Allergies- yes, severe sickness or injury- yes a minor cold- bring up when he comes over arranging HIS family meetups- no way, but I’d consider being nice if they reach out themselves anything they are interested in he should be able to figure out for himself, ofc you can help but that’s not on you to update

1. Both 2. Depends on why you're uncomfortable. I find a lot of men don't do the whole schedule thing like us women do, so that's not shocking. 3. Again, this depends on why you're uncomfortable. Is there a legit safety issue? Or is the uncomfortability due to you and him having personal issues? 4. If you have a crazy schedule or have particulars that people need to follow, then it is. If not, they should say they want to see the child and you can tell them when it's okay to. Me and the father of my children love together and have been together for a decade. He doesn't even know all of the inner details of the child's lives. I just generally volunteer that info so he's aware, but he doesn't even think to ask that because I got it. When he's working a lot and barely sees the kids, I send him daily photos of the children. He doesn't ask for them, I just do it. He's appreciative of it. Depsite this, he really loves his children and when he has free time, he is a very involved dad.

1. depends on who has child and what is going on. I’d notify him of anything you’d want to be notified if he ever so happens to get child. 2. Depends what the personal reasons are tbh. If it is “well I don’t like that he lets baby watch tv” then yes if it’s drugs alcohol or bad behavior that puts baby in danger, no. 3. Show him what solid communication is. You can’t just expect him to know what you want. That’s something I learned. My expectations on solid communication isn’t what his is. 4. Baby daddy maybe a little. Family? No. Maybe y’all need no communication if it’s that bad yk? The only problem is not being able to efficiently communicate so maybe not communicating is best.

Everyone is different. But for me I: 1. Send pictures but definitely let HIM ask about our kid. For me it’s big to see if he actually cares and actions speak LOUD. 2. I wouldn’t leave my baby with her BD until she’s almost 5. Most men don’t really understand what all goes into taking care of a kid. Once you have their schedule in place it’s important to keep that routine for both you and the baby. 3. A kid needs consistency and reliability. If he can’t show that to you why would he show that to your kid? And to point 1. If he isn’t acting like he cares (asking questions and wanting to know about your kid) how is it going to be if you left your son with him? 4. Your BD should 100% plan for time for him and his family to see your son. Not you! He needs to take responsibility for your son in all aspects.

I would definitely try to have a conversation with him about all these things. Tell him even if he thinks it’s your job it takes two! It took two of you to make him it should take two of you to raise him!!

Hey girls! Thanks for the advice I appreciate it. It’s more a safety issue. When we broke up he was drinking alot! And he left our son alone when I went to see my girls for the first time (it was planned 2 weeks in advance). He left our son with his mum but the mum was on 3rd floor without the monitor and I caught him just out on the street with ‘friends’. When I got back I saw my son was alone in the room and they completely disregarded my boundary of using the monitor. Also my son was wrapped in a blanket and not tucked in so my mind was thinking of SIDS straight away. Also they hadn’t prepared any bottles/milk for his next feed so for me. That was the first and last time I left my son alone with them. I’ve made it clear they’re welcome to see our son whenever (as long as we’re free) but I’d like to be present until they show they are respectful of boundaries and not just making up their own rules. His mum would say ‘ I never used these things so I’m not going to’

So yeah. I’m happy to work with them to get to the point of them having our son alone. But of the jump? When they haven’t asked about his needs, schedule, day to day life or his wellbeing I just feel that I need some form of consistent communication from them / interest to start feeling comfortable leaving him alone with them. Especially over night! My sons dad never wakes up when my son wakes up at night time so I’m just nervous about it all Don’t get me wrong it’ll be lovely to have a weekend to myself here and there but I ain’t forcing them to have him for the sake of my own needs. I also have a family who are supportive and help me out so we’re not struggling at all. I’ve addressed the communication with him and he still said I have to do all the communication it ain’t on him to ask of his sons wellbeing because he don’t want to ‘talk’ to me. I’ve offered mediation but he don’t want to do that either. So I’m at a bit of a standstill tbh