Little annoyed

That would piss me off too coz who has time to dress up & look beautiful daily when you’re lucky to even get time to sleep/do your daily work/shower/look after kids & usually at home you’re in a different mental state to be dressing pretty

@Tasnim exactly. I can barely go to the bathroom at times. I also only get to brush my hair from shower to shower. I don’t know why this has just made me cry. I know maybe he meant that people Dress up outside but don’t at home, but I just can’t see how a women/mum can be expected to dress up at home while caring for their little ones. I just feel like it was so wrong, as some of the brothers who attended may take this personally like my husband and start questioning the wife.

Partly is I think I was already feeling self conscious and this just made it worse. I don’t even feel like anything suits me anymore, but dont want to buy new clothes as I want to lose the weight and I just want to stay in comfortable clothes as I also breastfeed etc. also on mat leave so I don’t have a fortune to spend on new clothes. I just don’t know why they would talk about women’s clothing/perfume and not focus on themselves.

Sisters we need to do lot of efforts to dress nice for our husband. My husband tell me the same and I agree with him. I think it’s better if they mention it to you or just leave it how it is and later he loses interest. I have 3 kids and I’m really busy too but I think lot of women make this mistake after Mariage

It’s good that he told you. It’s definitely better to know than not-know, especially if he agrees. Verbalise that you’d like to shower and look good and you need x amount of time to do that and ask if he doesn’t mind watching the children so you can get ready for him. I’m sure he will care a lot less about it then. Men 🙄 It’s very inconsiderate of the Imam to talk about this. So much for walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. I don’t have that problem as the Imam’s talk topic comes from Al Asqa and he must submit his talk topic to the ministry should he wish to speak about something else. Depending on your husbands character, it might be mentioning that no one is perfect. The Imam himself is saying these things based on other people’s observations it seems, I personally wouldn’t pay it too much attention. Is there a chance that your husband told a white lie and wanted to bring this topic up to you and used the Imam as an excuse to?

I would have just replied, are women supposed to then not dress up when going to the market place? It’s quite obvious ppl need to dress up to go out. That’s how it is for people all over the world especially women, don’t feel any type of way about that. Home is where women get to breathe, we can’t have our guards up outside and still have our guards up inside, that’s what hypocrites do. Besides this is a tough period for us, looking after kids and the home and food and never getting rest. If he wants you to dress good he should get you a maid and a chef and give you shopping money.

@Aicha but does your husband dress up? Mine walks in pjs. So it’s double standards.

@KB yeah definitely. When I can finally shower, within 10 -15 mins he’s already knocking on the door. That’s what’s got to me as well. As it’s other peoples observations but he doesn’t know what other women are going through at home. Also the other men that was there can take it literal. I don’t think he said a white lie as he normally doesn’t seem like he cares. But this is what I mean, he’s put this into the minds of people who haven’t even probably gave this a thought.

Being an Imam is a great responsibility. I’m sad that this is your burden now.

@Isha yeah this is what I mean. It’s like having to be on guard at all times always thinking what others including husbands are gonna think at home. I would’ve thought home is to relax etc. I understand occasional times maybe dressing up for a special meals at home but all the time is just so exhausting. Also when the person opposite is chilling in pjs and then your expected to dress up as your the women. Should’ve at least mentioned how the men need to also dress up or smell nice. I’m sure not all men smell great either and the wives are happy all the time. It should be mutual

I understand spicing up marriages and all. I dress in ugly clothes all the time at home and my husband just shakes his head(he has personally trashed some of my torn ones when i wouldn’t stop wearing them), I still find ways to do funky things, dress up for fun and do some acting and make him laugh. Your husband is your best friend and you should be free around him to act however you like.

Tell him to watch the kids at a certain time so you can shower and feel nice and not have them up your butt when you do. Ask him to sit down and watch a show with them if he doesn't want to entertain them. They all for all these things, want us to exercise and keep our body and appearance up but offer no help to give that alone time to do things for ourselves. We can't always wait until the kid is napping or skeeping to do these things cause theres so much other stuff to do. It was hard to dress up when my kids were infants, spit up and all, but now I try once a week or so. Or u don't even have to dress up, just shower, comb your hair, and a bit of light makeup. Eyeliner, lipstick. I think we also have to remember we are living with a man even though we are comfortable with them, we tend to get too comfortable . I'm working on this issue as well.

I don't think this is appropriate for a khutba. The ummah be focusing wayyy too much on criticizing women. Men get to use perfume at the mosque but women don't get to smell nice? BO is.natural... There may be women lurking but that's not an excuse to rail against women in general. Imo fb marketplace is one of the great ways to sell your things get something for it and not waste or throw things out and it's local! -->sustainable not polluting with transportation...

While I agree everyone should be clean from an Islamic and mental health perspective, I don’t think a woman needs to be dolled up in this particular season of life. Breastfeeding, waking up during the night several times, hormones all over the place, babies and toddlers clinging to them all day long, pulling their hair etc. a man can say what he wants, it’s not like you’re doing it on purpose. Also, if things like hair not being done, and wife not being her best self is a problem for a man, he should be willing to spend the money on her. Look after the kids for a few hours every week so she can go get her hair done, get a massage, go relax in general, not to mention to work out so they can feel better about their body! Those things are more likely to make a woman have the energy and desire to be a little more put together 🤷‍♀️

How is this khotba what the heck how dose the imam say this thing 😳 men want women to look nice but they look like trash and it's ok if they do well men have to look nice for their wife too I'm glad mine don't care not that I don't look good but I don't have time to look nice with all make up and hair done while I have 5 year old that want to play all day and keep me busy all day while I have to cleane cook take care of my kid I'm home all doing house work

That’s a terrible thing to say about women in a khutbah. It could easily have been said about both genders. Islam is supposed to be easy and is not about making life tougher for ourselves. And I also do not agree that if you don’t make an effort, a husband’s gaze starts to wonder. That’s just green lighting poor behaviour imo.. a loyal husband would never do that

@Zia I did, and it quickly changed. He said he can’t because he needs time for himself too 🤣 He still doesn’t get why I am upset about this, but is now saying he’s not bothered. That he just told me what the imaam said

@Sando I really can’t agree more. I did ask him to look after them a few hours so that I could go out and buy clothes etc ( as right now I don’t even know what size I am as it seems like it fluctuates and nothings the same online), and also just to relax so I can feel better mentally or workout. But he said I’m not supposed to go out alone anyway. I have two under 3 and look after both my elderly parents so It’s very exhausting right now anyway.

@Gaby yeah that’s what I meant it’s not just about women I’m sure men don’t always smell nice at home or wear nice clothes etc. and also as this was spoken I’m sure some men are going to start comparing as they’ve put this in their head now

You're not supposed to go out alone? This is not okay. I guess idk where you live but you're an adult. Especially with children Im sure you need quiet time which probably means alone time and EVERYONE needs alone time. You're going to have to be your own best advocate here but I insist that this is something you need...if only to go take a walk by yourself!

Ask him if you can get a baby sitter or some sort of helper since he doesn't want to do it. One person can't do it all alone. Someone can watch them even while you're home with them for 2 or 3 hrs. Smh these men. Don't want to help or get us help. They can't say my mother did it all because the previous generations had a village to help, neighbors and family. It's hard mama, soon they'll be bigger and it'll be easier. And he needs time for himself... smh everyone needs time for themselves. If he does, you do too. It's not a one way street. Wife does everything and husband does anything he wants.