Husband issues

Anyone else's husband barely say a word to them? We used to talk for hours for the first few years but now it's impossible to have a conversation with him. Eg. I'll ask how he is and he will say, "I'm me" and never elaborate. I'll ask him how he slept and he will respond with "I slept" but refuse to say how he slept. If anyone else asks him these questions he will elaborate. He barely acknowledges me when he gets home from work. Will say hi to the baby who is almost a year old. Never asks me how i am. He also is so critical of everything I do and he never used to be. Eg. We put a baby change mat cover in the carseat as baby was in swimmer bottoms for swimming and we didn't want her to wet through it. I didn't put it in to the front enough so bottom seat was slightly wet. He said sternly to not let it happen again. I only carried two bags in from the car as my other arm was holding baby and he had to comment. He has to comment on every little thing I do if its not how he would do it and talks eother condescendingly to me or sternly like I'm a child. These are just a couple examples. And he will speak to me so rudely but then an hour later will just randomly try to grope me or put his hands up my shorts. I'm finding it so disrespectful and I've tried to talk to him about it. And he HAS to disagree with me about everything, even if I know he doesn't actually. It could be simply me saying a bright red shirt is red and no joke he will insist it's purple just to disagree with me. He also has the attitude that if some is doing something good it doesn't need to be mentioned but if it's bad it should be so it can be changed. These things among other reasons are making me want to leave. The thought of only having my baby 50/50 is too heartbreaking to imagine though. I spend 99% of my time with her and she's breastfed and definitely a mummy's girl but I know he would fight for 50/50 custody anyway. Anyone in the same boat or any advice?

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Firstly, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. What you are describing is not okay in an scenario. I am always an advocate on trying to repair a marriage or relationship especially if children are involved. That said, both parties have to be on board and acknowledging that things need to change. I do not want to throw words around but these behaviours you are describing are red flags and potentially emotionally abusive. Do not ignore any gut feelings and your intuition to leave if that is best for you. It is important to understand the parent relationship is modelled to children and for your sake and your baby’s it is important to address these issues or leave. Ask yourself would you want this relationship for your child? It might be worth seeking help as to how best proceed. In terms of splitting custody, due to the very young age and still breast feeding it is unlikely a 50/50 agreement would happen in the early days. These are all things you can get advice on.

More likely initially a 70/30 or 80/20 scenario as that is in the best interest of the child due to the age and breastfeeding.

I would suggest going to a couple therapy. It is a safe environment to have a chance to sit down and going through your issues and talk about it. However, he needs to open to the idea of going there first.

The first year after having a baby is really tough on a couple. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and our relationship has deteriorated a lot the past year after having bub. But these scenarios you are describing are definitely not on, and are extremely disrespectful and should be addressed. Is there someone who can look after bub so that you can spend some time together just you and your partner. Perhaps spending some quality time together just the two of you will spark your relationship backup again? And couples therapy would help a lot too to help him see the way he’s speaking/treating you is unacceptable.

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