I need to vent (feeling jealous)

I try to refrain from feeling this way but seeing marriage or proposal posts makes me so sad/mad it’s a mix of emotions. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Last year right before I got pregnant I had a heated discussion with him explaining that I felt like I am always bringing up marriage and how much I love him but he doesn’t see the signs to propose. His response is always “it will happen” I always respond I know “it will happen some day some time but I want a clearer picture of when.” I gave him a timeline I want to engaged by the time our anniversary comes (February). I then got pregnant the end of August but didn’t officially find out until a month and a half later. I brought it up again when I was 5 months pregnant & he bought a ring but we both didn’t know my exact size so we had to return it since it was too big. Since then he hasn’t bought anything or proposed. My past 2 serious relationships I left because we went so long with no sign of marriage in sight so I don’t want to do the same pattern with him we both love each other SO MUCH his actions speak so loud I have no doubts but he just won’t take that leap I even expressed that if we get engaged at least we can plan a wedding for a year or 2 away I just wanna know we are going in that direction but I doubt he will propose this year since Christmas, our anniversary and my birthday passed and those are days I wanted to be special and get a proposal.

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This sucks. What’s he waiting for? I would feel jealous too, seeing everyone have their moment and waiting years (and KIDS) for mine!

@Ele He says not to watch people but I said it has nothing to do with them specifically it’s just that I’m seeing something that I want so badly happen so easily for others it’s just hard to accept & even if I turn off my phone & not look I’ll be thinking about it. I hate that I have to wait for an unknown period of time because we can’t have a clear convo about a timeline or anything it’s literally the same answer every few months. Even a few minutes ago he said we can look together & I told him it defeats the surprise aspect of a proposal & I’ll feel like he’s just doing it cuz I’m talking about it now I want it all to happen naturally like I want it done traditionally surprise me with a ring

@Ele I want to have a clear convo where he can tell me what he’s waiting for but if he’s not working he’s gaming and can barely respond properly there’s literally no time throughout the day I can bring it up & after work he’s too grumpy and tired to have a serious convo

it sounds like he doesn’t want to marry you, especially now that you have a child he doesn’t see a reason to marry you because you already play the role of mom and his wife

@quiddo I mentioned this to him as well months ago before I got pregnant that I live with him & I feel like he’s comfortable with me playing the wife role already. I think he’s truly just scared to take the next step he was even putting off having a child until jes 30 but it was a surprise for us both so idk I thought even this happening to us would show him there’s nothing to be afraid of we can take the leap but nope. Idk what to do next

That’s not good. He’s barely talking to you because of his gaming and moods. That must make you feel starved for his attention and love.

You gave a timeline, right? and he ignored it. It isn’t wrong of you to want to know a ballpark of when you will get engaged. It’s both controlling and juvenile of him to keep you out of the loop. And there’s nothing wrong with you wanting the exact ring and day to be a surprise. You’re asking him to take the initiative, WANT to be engaged, tell you around when, and then put in the thought and effort to make a romantic surprise gesture for you. Those aren’t stupid things to want or ask for.

@Ele I really do feel the way you described & we had a conversation, he tried playing mind games saying I don’t know if he lied about not planning anything. I told him I have known you for 5 years I know you’re not planning anything. He said we will get married & he will get the ring he’s just been busy there’s a lot going on with me being pregnant & him working so much. Idk I will see what he does but I just HATE that he waits until I’m at my breaking point to make these promises. At this point I feel so bad about myself & not worth marriage cuz why can’t he just think for himself & realize how much this has affected me. He was also making jokes while talking it was off putting when I’m emotional & wanting a real conversation. He has similarities to my dad that I hate like my dad literally can’t have a serious conversation he constantly makes jokes & I try to avoid men with qualities like my dad, in serious situations like now I need someone who can read the room.

Right who wants to have someone make little jokes when they’re trying to be serious? That’s rough that it’s a quality your dad shares. That means that throughout much of your life, a lot of your serious feelings have been joked on and not taken seriously. First your dad and now him. That must be so deeply upsetting and frustrating. And it can make you question yourself. Like “Is this really silly? Because no one is taking it seriously. Maybe I am silly to ask for this, maybe it is dumb to ask for.” It does not take long to buy a ring. Maybe an hour tops. Get off your gaming system and go pick out a beautiful one. Or leave work on lunch break, punch out, and go get it then! As for a nice proposal, yes it takes some planning, but like wtf! Shouldn’t they WANT to surprise and show us their love in a special way? Why does it have to be dumb just because they don’t have the same dream/wish?

And why wait to pass every deadline and holiday and make you wait and wonder and be heartbroken over and over again? It’s really unkind. It shows a lack of caring, lack of attention, and lack of love for someone different than him. If HE had a dream that he really wanted to see Niagara Falls, you would make it happen. You wouldn’t dick him around and make him beg for it, then say weird shit like “Oh I was lying when I said I wasn’t planning it” or make him wait years on years. You would do it because of love and caring and wanting to make your person feel special.

@Ele Exactly, I even compared it to him wanting a car & imagine if every time I wanted to get the car something happens and he has to wait a few more months then he goes and again has to wait a few more months each time & you see others having the same car you want and achieving it easily. I do wish I used ur metaphor though. I told him last night how it makes me feel like I’m not enough and I’m always left on the back burner & I honestly started to cry cuz I was venting to someone about it but actually talking to him about it was so much more emotional for me. He said he will take care of me & he loves me & he asked for my ring size & what type of ring I like. I just hate that it always has to be an emotional conversation.

Yeah I get you, why does he have to wait until you’re upset and hurt to do something! Your car analogy is a good one!