Friends without kids

I met up with some friends yesterday basically for the first time since giving birth and it just felt really weird! I felt awkward, like I had nothing to talk about except baby. One of my friends was thinking of trying soon and when I asked her about it she said 'I'm putting it off because I don't want to ruin my body'. They also said they'd missed me but they haven't called etc. Since I gave birth and its not like I've been gone anywhere 😅 I don't know, I'd looked forward to it for ages but after a couple of hours I was totally done and just wanted to be back with baby. Anyone else feel this way? Does it get better?
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It does happen, it’s like it’s not the same having a bunch of single friends if you’re married and that’s the same with being a mum and having children then those who don’t just yet… but don’t worry, it’ll get better you just tend to make friends who are in the same path of life as you. Ofcourse I’m still in touch with my friends who don’t have kids yet but it’s not as often as it used to be.

I remember when my friend first had her daughter (we weren't talking at the time) & her daughter was coming up to 2 when I first met her. It was really awkward at first having this small child there all of a sudden. Plus my friend had other commitments now & it felt odd to me. I got over that & since then I've had 2 children of my own. Atm it will feel odd to both you & your friendship group, the dynamics may have changed a bit. Plus, whilst you're on mat leave your baby is your world so chances are until you return to work (if you decide to do so) &/or, start doing something for yourself (hobbies etc) then your baby will likely be the main subject. Yes it does get better & it may take a bit more effort. Ultimately, you are still you & if you can get to see your friends without baby present more power to you!

Yeah I felt this way! I seemed to loose contact with a lot of people after my son was born, then when I met up with two of them it just made me realise how different our lives our now. I wasn’t sure how to connect with them because of course having a child makes you mature and grow up somewhat, and all my friends wanted to do was make jokes about my baby (not in a mean way, I think just trying to be funny as we always laughed and joked together) I just didn’t find it funny anymore. I think being on such different paths of life make it difficult for both parties in the beginning. My world has changed and at the centre of it is this little tiny person, it’s bound to have changed me a little, I just feel like soon enough I’ll find some like minded people on the same wavelength but it may take a bit of time. Of course I’ll still remain in contact with my current friends! I just feel as though I need some mummy friends who can relate to things.

Reading these comments this seems like a younger mum issue🤔 I've had the same friends for over 20years now & had my children a lot older. Yes friendships do change/adapt over the years as we all grow up & become our own people. However, I've maintained those same friendship through all of these different lifechanges {leaving school, college, uni, getting jobs, moving out of parents house, getting married, having babies etc...}. These things are only boundaries if you choose to let them be🤷🏼‍♀️ I'm not saying hold on to friendships that bring nothing positive to your life but, do maintain friendship that do.

@Beth it's felt like such a huge change but it's hard to explain and understand unless you go through it yourself. I've got some lovely mums I've met since giving birth so I'm very fortunate in that but obviously they've only known me as mum not the person I was before

@Sarah🦄 thanks for commenting, can you give any advice on how to keep those connections strong and what you mentioned about boundaries?

You're welcome, a boundary could just simply be saying to yourself; 'My friends won't want me around because, I have a baby now' - when likely that isn't the case at all. Or maybe, you could think that you cannot take your baby along with you when you meet your friends for a coffee?🤷🏼‍♀️ In my experience, my friends adore my children & are happy for me to bring them along with me (it is me who would rather leave them with my husband or my parents so I can go alone for some child free time😅). Just remind yourself of who you are, what your likes/dislikes/interest are & if you have childhood friends to just look a bit deeper beneath the surface. If you have a friend (or maybe a few) who you have grown up with, were you have all been there for one another growing up. Just allow yourself & them time to adjust because, you will. No you may* not get to see them as regularly as you once did however, if you's could continue to arrange to meet up for a coffee as you's did before still make those arrangements.

I read soooo many times on here with mum's saying; 'I can't do this or do that because of reasons x, y & z' well actually you can still do those things. If people really want to do something they will make it happen for themselves. Having a child(ren) does not mean that life has to stop. They are now an extension of who we are & eventually they will become their own person. If they can see mum maintaining their friendships etc.. & a happy mum then they will learn from that. Yes sometimes, you may need to slow down for a bit (esp if you've just had a new baby) but, as they grow navigating life does get a bit simpler.

I had the exact same experience!! I went for brunch with some friends, it was my first time leaving my baby with my husband so it felt like a really big deal. One girl said she wouldn’t want to get pregnant because she “still wanted to look hot” the insinuation being of course it’s impossible to look nice after giving birth (thanks for that…), then told me actually one baby doesn’t change your life that much (I could’ve sworn it has changed my life just a little 🤪) and asked what I was planning to do to lose the baby weight. Needless to say I haven’t seen her since. I left feeling depleted and like I’d much rather be at home with my baby. I met up with friends who have babies a few days later and the difference was so stark. They were supportive and lovely. I think when our little ones are so young and our world has been turned upside down so much then going out with people who have no idea and aren’t really willing to listen to you to find out, is a waste of time. Hope you are okay!

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