My Mother in Law Did What?? 😡

You definitely should have been told ahead of time if your son was going to be anywhere but where he is supposed to be.

Edit: They just came over here without letting us know to try to explain their selves. I asked my fiancée to go outside and talk to them.

@Passion they need to apologize not make excuses. They know they did wrong and are trying to make it seem like they did nothing wrong.

Maybe I'm missing something but I don't think this is that big of a deal, I see that you're angry because of her history of disregard and disrespect. But , basically what you're saying is that your MIL usually watches your child, but took him to a restaurant and didn't let you know in advance? Yes, she should have told you, but if she is watching your son for 2 years does she really need to tell you every little move? Maybe there is a piece I'm missing?

I see you’re angry because it’s worrying to not know where your baby is at any given moment but it was all your husbands immediate family who I’m assuming you trust and although they didn’t say it could just be that she assumes you’d be okay with it like yeah she should have checked but it could just be a misjudgment of how you’d feel about it, it wasn’t like she was putting your son in any real danger or hanging out with people you didn’t know

@Julie maybe your boundaries are more relaxed but personally I agree with OP - I don’t care who you are and how often you have my child, if you have my child and you leave the place I left them with you at then you are to tell me. Especially if it’s nearing their pick up time and you don’t have them where they’re supposed to be picked up at

I’m also on the fence as Julie above, In the last two years has MIL gone out shopping or taken your child to the mall for lunch etc without telling you? I would think she would go about her normal life during the day just with your child safely in tow? Unless over the past couple of years you have expressly asked her if she is leaving the house with your son to please inform you and she normally does then it’s 100% not right what she did. What does your partner think of it all?

@Julie she usually does. I don’t see what the problem would be today! It’s not about you letting me know your every little move, it’s about me being secure that I know where my son is at all time especially when you’re watching someone else’s child! And mind you, I’m paying her hundreds of dollars to watch my son so it’s not like she is doing it out of the goodness of her heart! If I’m paying you to watch my son, it’s business… nothing personal!

I don’t think it’s big of a deal. If you trust her with your son then why not trust her to go out with him? Like is she not allowed to go on walks with him? Cause if not then I am sad for your son. Babies need to get out of the house and experience life, whether it’s a grocery store, park, even a restaurant. And if your mil is the primary caregiver while you’re working then I don’t see an issue.. of course she could have texted you and told you the plan, but maybe that didn’t come to her mind. Yeah you can be a little upset about not knowing the plan but it’s really not a big deal. It’s actually kinda good your baby gets to socialize with other people!

@Sam valid!! I just think I wouldn’t really mind if just want to be informed of any accidents or injuries immediately and would only be angry if it was with people I did not know as I would not want people I don’t know meeting my child but aside that I don’t think I’d be mad if my mil took my child out to dinner during the day when looking after them and didn’t tell me immediately

@Adrianna i agree

I would’ve been mad if I got off work and was told my son was out and I had no knowledge of it. I just asked my husband if this happened to us with his mom how would he feel and he said oh hell no I would’ve gone to get my baby too and told her to not do that again without talking to us first. If I expect my baby to be somewhere then they should be there unless I get told otherwise. I watched my brothers baby when I was 21 for 5 days a week and guess what? If I wanted to go for a lunch with my bestfriend or go to the store to get stuff I texted them beforehand and asked if they were okay it. It’s not hard. Just giving parents peace of mind of where their babies are at all times.

@Evie I definitely feel like it could have been misjudgment on her part. She tells me any other time without any reminders of her letting me know where he is and how his day is going! I pay her a lot of money to watch him so is it really asking for too much to let me know my son whereabouts? And then her, her husband, and his sister just came here about an hour ago unannounced banging on the door forcing to be heard! I asked my fiancée “so what did she say” he told me she said “do we know that we quit her job to watch him”! I have never told her to quit her job to watch my son, she knew I was going to put him in daycare! Yes I appreciate her, but she seems to throw it in my face every chance she get to try to make someone feel bad about a decision she made!

Omg you’re paying her to watch your child 😳 my MIL used to make me pay her too!! But now my daughter is at nursery which I find much better id rather pay strangers and know where my daughter is and not have to constantly worry at the back of my mind. So in that concept even though she’s family you’re going to want to know where your child is also to have a level of trust because then you might also get anxious that she could take your child out again without telling you. But maybe try say in a nice way that next time just update me I understand it was a surprise but I’m not going to ruin the surprise by telling anyone

@Pia She takes him to doctor appointments with her for her care, she takes him to the library but she always inform me ahead of time and even a day before at times. This is literally the first time she has ever just up and took him somewhere. When my fiancée told me that he was with his sister and some folks (his exact words) my heart automatically sunk! Like with who?? My fiancée said that my feelings are validated and she should have at least told ONE of us if they were going to be leaving anywhere besides where he is suppose to be! He actually went to the restaurant where they were and got our son and left!

@Adrianna I think that’s the part where you not getting! I don’t care about where she takes him as long as you let me know so I can have a peace of mind while I’m at work! She has taken him on walks, he go to programs at the library, she take him to the hospital when she have appointments, she has taken him out before, parks… it’s not about her not being allowed to, it’s about her letting me know and keeping me in the loop about my son whereabouts!

@Jill that’s all I’m saying, thank you so much for understanding where I’m coming from because for some reason, people are not as worried about it as I am! I mean anything could have happened to all of them, and then i wouldn’t have had a clue about where they were especially with my son!

I definitely think this is a case of misplaced anger and that she must have wronged you or crossed your boundaries in other ways , because this isn't a big a deal. Yes, she should have told you, she then even came to explain herself and you were still mad and wouldn't hear it.

@Julie that’s definitely not the case at all. I’m even the type of person to hold grudges! But thank you for your opinion, I agree with Sam.. maybe your boundaries are more relaxed but I got boundaries when it comes to my son and what she did today was not okay with me!

For me it’s a piece of mind. My MIL watches my LO while I’m working and yes she tells me there every make out of respect that she’s not my child parent and it’s principle of keeping me informed. My LO my whole world so some may say it’s overacting but the world we live in nowadays anything can happen so trust or not God forbid something happens, at least I knew my child whereabouts at all times. And I hate the fact they just showed up unannounced after a missed call, when your ready to answer or call back you will but don’t let anyone make you feel bad about YOUR child and a service YOUR paying for. MIL or not if your child was at a daycare, that provider would ASK your consent BEFORE doing and my opinion it takes 10sec send an audio or text saying what’s going on

Definitely we have different boundaries . You asked if your feelings should be validated in the post. Everyone is entitled to their personal boundaries, so I think you should sit down and lay yours out for her in a calm manner if you plan on letting her to continue watching your child

@Monae thank you so much for this because this is literally my only son and I don’t know what if I would do if anything happen! Those last 10 minutes at work felt like eternity! It’s never about where he go, it’s the simple fact of just having that piece of my mind to know he is okay and I know where he located at all times especially while I’m working! Some say I’m over reacting but my love for son is EVERYTHING!! I know he is safe, that’s why she watches him but that was out of HER character by not letting me know that she was taking him out so of course, my reaction is going to be shocked and worried!! The worried part was my fiancée telling me that he was with “his sister and some folks) again his words.. so how else was I supposed to react. You validating my feelings was exactly what I wanted to hear so thank you for understanding!

Not a big deal. If you had to pick up baby and they were not at the designated pick up spot, then that’s reason enough to be pissed. But if baby is still with grandma and safe then it seems like a bit of an overreaction in your side.

Not only does it seem like a total overreaction in general because she should be fine to take him to a restaurant and it not being a whole drama, but she told your husband, so one of the two of you obviously was contacted. And it makes sense for her to let him know if you tend to overreact (no offense but totally sounds like it here) and because it’s her son and his extended family. And by refusing to discuss the matter or even acknowledge them afterwards is pretty toxic on your part. Like surely you can at least manage an “I’m having big emotions and I don’t feel like I can maturely discuss this right now, please give me some space.” Silent treatment is immature and toxic. But also maybe just a little text message beforehand on her part isn’t too much to ask if you flip about these things.

@Maria she stated that the husband didn’t know either until he got off work and was going to get the son did MIL tell him he wasn’t where they thought he would be. So right when he was made aware he told his wife and picked the baby up from the restaurant because he also thought they should have been made aware of any plans outside the house.

@Jill exactly my fiancée didn’t know either that he had went somewhere other then where he was supposed to be

@Maria and you right, I could of texted her and let her know that I wasn’t ready to speak with her at that moment but me not texting her should of validated that, I mean at the end of the day… that makes sense at least to me! At that moment, I did let her know how the whole situation made me feel and then I left it at that! At no point, it gives anyone the right to come to my home unannounced and try to make a scene. I mean they came very forceful… ringing the doorbell consistently when obviously they know we are home if they see the cars in the driveway.. banging on the door! And considering she couldn’t come alone but had to bring her husband and her daughter… I felt like that would of been a toxic situation because why couldn’t you come to me as a woman and asked me if you could speak to me! I’m not gone feel like I’m being mentally pinned in a corner speaking on how I feel as though I need to be notified about my son whereabouts! That’s why I asked my fiancée to go outside

Your not overreacting because the same way I tell my mil when she watches my son if she ever goes out to let me know where they’re going and who’s going not only for the safety of my son but because if something happens to either one at least I know they’re whereabouts but I agree you weren’t overreacting because your fiancé said he was with his sister and “some folks” I would be immediately on my toes .

I don’t see what the big deal is. If she had taken him on a two hour trip then yes but she is watching your son and shouldn’t have to tell you every time she takes him food shopping or the library. My childminder didn’t. Also you must of known it was her birthday. If you don’t trust her then you should find someone else.

Your feelings are valid. Something similar happened to me with my mil. We’re living with my in laws right now. I used to usually let her take care of my son on the weekends so I could sleep a bit more. She wound up taking him to a bakery nearby (probably a mile away) while I was sleeping. She didn’t tell me until hours later and I was pissed. I didn’t tell her anything but I don’t let her take care of my son anymore without me being close by.

There is obviously a lot of hurt and history behind this relationship that we don’t have insight into before that has you set at a default setting to expect disrespect. I’m sorry that this is how it is. My MIL has our son too. I would be annoyed if she passed him to someone else without my permission, but I trust her judgement about what they do each day. They usually tell me what they are going to do, but if that deviates from the plan, that’s ok because I trust her. But I understand that we don’t have the whole picture, so you can decide what boundaries you expect from her. I hope you can find healing in your relationship.

@Yoselyn the big deal was he wasn’t where he was supposed to had been and it was near pick up time! Never not once said that I do not trust her but she usually tell me where they are going, even if she say I got to run errands that would be fine for me too. I’m not asking for her to tell me her every move, but letting me know that she got “errands” or they will be out can set my mind to “okay, she took him out!” Instead of not knowing where he is at all!

@Hopeful okay and I am referring to a situation to where she doesn’t tell you anything at all and it’s near his pick up time and he is not where you thought he would be! How would that make you feel then?

If you set the boundary already and she accepted it, then I sort of understand how she let you down, but it sounds extremely immature that you texted them an upsetting message and then refused to answer the phone. It doesn't really matter if they were calling to say something you didn't want to hear, they might have been calling to reassure you or apologise, either way they were attempting to communicate more directly than you were. You say that she takes your son places with your permission frequently. That implies you trust her and gives your MIL the impression she can do what she did. What is it you need peace of mind from? What kind of places are you imagining she could have taken him?? It sounds like you want excessive control, which as a mother, I do understand, but we need to recognise and handle that appropriately because it's not healthy for our children to go on like that.

They are in the wrong it’s as simple as that

I’d be angry too. What if one of the ‘folks’ was an offender ?

any concern as a mother is valid in my opinion 💁🏻‍♀️