Rock Bottom

I had $30 until I get paid at the end of next week and we’re pretty much out of everything except for some canned food from our food bank. I bought 2 loaves of bread, 2 dozen eggs, a small thing of oil, bologna, a bag of frozen chicken breasts, and put $10 in gas in my car for our family of 5. Were down so bad I went through our pantry to see what I can use and have been throwing away stuff that’s back from quarantine days. Our daughter, 9, has been having a “idc” phase which I get, but she’s out of control now. I worked a double at my wfh job and hadn’t even been logged in 15 min when I got that feeling something was wrong. She made a sandwich but dumped the rest of the loaf in the floor. The pack of bologna she fed to the dogs. She crushed half a dozen eggs by not closing the fridge door properly after moving around leftovers and shoving everything back in. Cookies I’d made she’d gotten one and she knocked the rest in the floor and just left them. She saw icing sitting in the trash and ate/was wearing the whole container and it’s 4 years out of date—expired in 2020. She left the back door open and the dogs got in and they spilled/ate over half their bag of food and threw up. I want to point out I’m not upset she got food I’m upset bc she keeps wasting food to a point it seems intentional knowing we’re struggling. She had just eaten dinner at 5:30pm right before this all happened. I logged in for my second shift at 5:55pm. I go to her and try to explain how this isn’t ok, how much icing did she eat, and does she feel sick for her to slam the door in my face. I have to fight the urge to rage and leave her alone a few minutes for us to both calm down. She comes out and now her rooms destroyed (idk at this point) but she starts trashing the living room because she said I left the icing out on purpose knowing she’d eat it—it was in the trash can. I take her phone and she starts screaming so I send her to her room when I find her rooms been trashed too. We finally got to sit down a minute ago and all she focused on was her phone and when she’ll get it back. She still doesn’t get it.

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At this point she is testing ypu to see what you're going to let slide. You have to start punishing her whether it be physical punishment, time outs. For second, do NOT give that phone back. I'd assume it's a touchscreen/ app/ internet capable phone? A 9 year old does NOT need a touch screen phone and she's obviously not mature enough for it.

Imagine what she's looking at on social media.

@Ashley I’m not worried about her content on social media. It’s an outdated phone, my husbands phone from like 10 years ago, not connected to Wi-Fi or anything. I downloaded some games on it for her for down time when she’s done for the day. Such as in this instance, after dinner, homework, and bath, on a Friday night.

Do you take it from her? Because I also used to have a phone that wasn't connected, but schools and libraries ect had wifi I'd piggy back off of, or at friends house.

@Ashley yes I did. We’re very rural so the only Wi-Fi here is ours which is why I wasn’t worried about her access to online content. Anytime the phone is “online” it alerts me if she even figures out the password. We have 15f, 12m, and 9f. Our closest neighbors are about 1.5 miles away and we’re 22 miles from town. She uses it to play Minecraft, stardew, and Toca Boca offline. She’s allowed online access but only when monitored. In this situation she wasn’t online she asked to play stardew until my lunch break which would be her bedtime. We all ate dinner, I used the last of the mozerella and I can sauce, to make pizza and garlic knots. Oldest was at her part time job with a stay over after, youngest is staying with mil tonight. I know she’s upset about being alone but she doesn’t understand how this effects the whole family and I don’t know how to get her to understand. She’s increasingly gotten worse since we’ve been struggling. I know it’s frustrating, but idk what to do.

@Ashley she doesn’t take it to school or town.

Tell her she needs to use her common sense not to eat food in the trash. I did not do anything like this at 9 years old or even at age 7. She needs to be banned from getting her own food for atleast a week if she wants to waste everything you bought while you’re struggling. If she wants some she can ask someone to get it for her. It might be different if you had more food, but you don’t and it’s not something you can just let her get away with.

Maybe she will start to understand when she's hungry and you can't feed her anything bc she wasted it all 🤦 I'm so sorry You're going through this. When I was a kid I suffered from food insecurity all the time so I HATE the thought of wasting food.

@Del I get it isn’t the norm for her but wasting food was NEVER an issue until now so I don’t understand. Her brother and sister get it, yet she actively works against it? I by no means want to starve her yet how do I make her understand??!

I'm so sorry about your situation. Reading between the lines it seems like she's acting out for attention? Especially if her brother and sister aren't doing anything similar. If you're having to work double shifts I think she's done this to stop you working. Sit her down and give her the opportunity to open up, it's probably nothing about the food. Then you can explain the reality of her actions and hopefully she'll understand. Good luck Mama you're doing amazing x

A nine year old acting like this is wild to me. Why dont you make up like a snack box for her, and once those snacks are gone for the day, thats it? I do this with my three in school holidays and it really helps food last.

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