Venting

Soo me & my boyfriend have been together for 4 years and for a while my boyfriend has been talking about trying polyamory. He wants two girlfriends. I’m bi-curious so Im kind of open to it but I just don’t know. My biggest issue is that I already feel like im gonna be jealous at times. I have issues with low self esteem and social anxiety, & depression so I just feel like he’s gonna find the other woman prettier or better in some way. & yes he already has someone in mind who he has been friends with since they were kids. I’ve talked to her many times & she’s a cool person… I just don’t know. I told him how I felt and he told me that I don’t have a reason to be jealous.

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If you’re already feeling feelings of jealousy and insecurity, i wouldn’t even play w/ that until your 110% secure in yourself bc i can’t imagine you feel better after seeing your man and you have sex w someone he’s known his whole life basically. I feel like that’s a bit too close to home but to each their own

100% no. This sounds like a painful, drawn out, inevitable breakup/heartbreak for you.

I’m no expert at all but it’d be huge alarm bells to me that my partner wanted to be in a relationship with a childhood friend, I think you’d feel like a third wheel unless the tables turn and you and she run off together 😂 it works for some but not if you’re insecure and definitely not with someone he already has his eye on- in my opinion!

Sounds like he just wants 2 girls and I’d question the nature of his friendship with her if she’s an option…

If he already has a friend in mind, he just wants to fuck her. If he was okay with yall looking for a third together, then I’d be more okay with it.. but if he wants 2 girls, I’d see if he’s okay with you having another partner, that will tell you all you need to know

Having someone already who you want to be with so you are pushing polyamory is a huge unethical step. Coerced consent is not consent.

Honestly their are a lot of red flags here so I agree with the other girls the fact that he has someone in mind and that person is a close friend since they were young that wasn’t just thought of out of no where and the fact that he is asking for polyamory that works both ways and he might be seriously disappointed and also feels very forced and just wants you to go with it if he gets upset with you dating another man or female that’s not your friend and he doesn’t want you to have an other significant other then that’s not polyamory

I'd just wait until you are a 1000% secure within yourself... Starting off like this is already opening the door for many issues down the road so I'd just wait

If you’re not 100% committed to the idea and know you’ll feel jealous (which is perfectly fine and very normal, polygamy is not a lifestyle for a lot of people because of that alone) then I wouldn’t even entertain the idea. He cannot tell you how you should feel, that’s wrong of him to do and invalidates how you’re feeling. This recipe will end is disaster with how you’ve put it and how you’re already feeling even if you’re bi curious and it almost seems like this girl and him have already talked about the poly relationship which he should have come to you first about it before even saying anything or pitching the idea to her. Personally, I’d be a bit suspicious what else they’ve talked about and possibly already done if he’s already got someone in mind. A lot of times (more than not) that’s an indicator there’s been some, at LEAST, emotional cheating going on without your full consent which is wrong, disrespectful to you from both her AND him, and a huge red flag on so many levels.

I’m sorry but he seems really immature and disrespectful to you and the relationship y’all have together already just by how he reacted to your concerns and emotions, he seems to only truly care about what he wants 🫤 not someone I’d EVER get into a poly relationship with based off him invalidating your emotions and disrespecting them alone already and honestly with all this I’d maybe even consider breaking up at this point before more heartbreak happens or something happens behind my back or going to couples therapy. He seems like if he doesn’t get his way he will just do it sneakily since there’s a lot of indicators pointing to him already doing that and he’s just wanting you to be okay with it now so he doesn’t have to hide it anymore.