am i doing something wrong?
Show your support
You could put your littlest one in a pack and play, and then your two older ones you could do a messy art activity with. I used to call art activities with my little guy “messy art” because that set my expectation that I knew there was going to be a mess. I bought a cheap tablecloth that I would spread out to contain the mess, and then we would do something like fingerpaint Or buy some cans of shaving cream and spray them onto a cookie sheet and then trace designs in it with our fingers.
And find some time in a day where maybe the littlest one is napping and build a fort with the oldertwo. Grab some blankets and some towels and pillows, and take turns building the tallest thing and watching the kids knock it down. And just try really hard to ignore whatever else you could be doing then. Don’t think about laundry or whatever. This is the only time you will have this moment, and you could make a memory with your kid and learn how to play a little bit by building a fort. But don’t expect to be perfect, or to think it’s the most fun you ever had. Just try to be in the moment and then you will find those times of fun.
Not everyone likes playing with little kids, not even their own moms. You do your best, and you watch them grow, and you find the stages that you do like. Maybe when they’re a little older and they want to play board games you’ll like that. Or maybe you’ll like taking a walk with them around the block when you feel less worried about taking them all out. You don’t have to like the same things that other parents seem to like. I hate to bake cookies. My kid did not grow up with homemade cookies. I think that’s fine. Just don’t watch people post their perfect family photos online, because it’s all fake. Or they have so much support of course they can make that happen
Be kind to yourself! You have a lot to do with no support. That is a really tough place to be. Even someone with a lot of support would say having three little kids that young is the hardest thing they ever did.
Sounds like a lot of I can't and holding yourself back with made-up rules that you're holding yourself to. You can go outside, and you have put barriers in place on your own. You choose not to go outside for convenience. You choose to lecture your kids like your mom did to you. Let up on the control. You have a lot going on you need support. Even an hour of alone time a day would do you a great benefit. Rejuvenate you and be a better mom. The thing youre doing wrong is focusing a lot on all the things you aren't doing or DONT like that you are doing.Think about all the things you WANT to be doing with the kids and for the kids.
@Marcelle thank you for your kind words that made me feel a lot better and i’ll definitely be taking in those tips
You have a lot on your plate and it is definitely overwhelming. I have 5 kids that are 3, 5, 6, 10, and 11. It is challenging take the kids out by myself and ive stopped taking them to the store because everything is a fight. My husband is away at school until august (army) I got a cheap gym membership with childcare. I can go and just walk on a treadmill and listen to a podcast or anything. I wear my headphones around the house with music on that i enjoy. I like to buy shaving cream and give them a cookie sheet to play on. We do a lot of playdough because its easy to vacume. We do A LOT of baths because it helps them with sensory play. And we have a trampoline. Instead of lecturing, i starting being curious. I ask questions, and a lot of them! How does this make me feel, how am i feeling right now, how are you feeling? My kids ALL have adhd, some autism in there and so do i. There are a lot of big emotions and I'm burnt out because i haven't prioritized myself.
@Stefani the gym membership is such a good idea. I toured a gym one time when my husband was stationed in Vegas. A woman having a smoothie at the little café area seemed approachable, so I asked her if she would recommend the gym. I said I needed to know whether the childcare was good because I couldn’t go unless I felt comfortable bringing my son. She said she could totally recommend the childcare and the café. She said she hated to work out so she never did any of the classes or use any of the weights or machines at the gym. She just would go in there and drop off her son in the childcare area and then go to the café and have a smoothie and read a book. And it was the only consistent break she got in her day. genius!
@Stefani I have a friend I met through Peanut who used to live in Florida. When she was living there, she saw a post from a military spouse, who said “ Help, I have to live here for two years while my husband is stationed here and I don’t like it. Is there anyone local who can help me to find the good things to do here and hang out?” my friend replied, and for two years they were adventure buddies. My friend loved the place. They lived in Florida and so she took her military spouse Friend everywhere that was fun. I highly recommend that approach and maybe you’ll find someone near you to hang out with.
I've connected a bunch, it's very challenging with 5 kids though. I'm looking forward to summer and a bit more schedule freedom! I'm a girl scout troop leader and just started working my own business full time after losing my contract job so we have had a lot of life transitions lately. I'm just trying to be patient. Connection and community really is key and it does take effort and some discomfort to put yourself out there and meet people!
You are doing so much. While you are feeling isolated, and overwhelmed at the idea of taking the kids out of the house, is there a place in the house where you can feel comfortable playing with them where you won’t be worried about keeping things clean or controlled or whatever it is that you are worried about? For instance, do you have a part of the house that you could designate a play area or playroom?