School have just called...

My husband is an amazing Dad (I wouldn't have had a child with him otherwise), but his ex wife is psychotic and has turned their 2 children against him (the usual scenario, jealous that he's moved on and weaponising the kids). Their school just called to say his youngest would like to start seeing him again. Great news. But they also said his oldest gets upset if she sees him at school without warning (he nipped in yesterday to speak to a teacher) and asked that he call ahead if he's going to be at school so that they can warn her. This just seems crazy and doesn't sit right with me. Imagine as a Mum being told you need to give your own child notice before being in their vicinity, without a reason. Is this fair of the school?

Show your support

Wowwww. Looks like the ex's plan has gone according to plan. For what reason did they stop seeing him to begin with? We are having issues with my partners daughter from a previous relationship.. I'm sure it's her mother's bitter input but my partner insists its just how his daughter is and I've "never met the real her because she's fake and manipulative but he sees through her and goes along with it" I hope he's not right but the longer they get brainwashed the more likely it becomes ingrained. I don't know what to think at this point but if he's right, it does seem like older girls might have a special way of creating their own resentment and odd behaviour stemmed from the mothers bitterness.

@Linzi ☮️🇵🇸♥️ It just got gradually worse over a period of 4 years until they completely rejected him. He'd go to collect them from school and they'd blank him as if he wasnt there and wouldn't even answer the door to him on his weekends. It was that way for months until he couldn't do it anymore. Told them if they wanted to see him he would be straight there, but until then he was taking a step back. 3 months later the youngest has finally reached out. I dont know what to think either. There's no stopping these bitter women. What is it that your step daughters doing? Deffo more complicated the older they get

Unfortunately school get put in such a difficult situation when it comes to contact issues. I don’t think the school is wrong here as their priority is the child, not mum or dad.. and if the child is getting upset seeing dad unexpectedly then what’s a phone call? Is there a court order in place at all?

@Jemima Yeah, I get that. She did sound awkward on the phone, like she didn't feel comfortable saying it. Just feels like another win for the ex, villianising my husband. We haven't gone to court because it's got so bad that we think it would be really damaging. The oldest literally runs away from him and hides if she sees him and refuses to acknowledge him. If she was court ordered to spend time with us we'd be dragging her kicking and screaming from her Mum. The youngest would do as she's told but she hates being away from her sister. It's just insane.

I get it - I really do.. we did go through court.. it was 18 months long, 8 court hearings and she accused my husband of the worst imaginable (all made up and confessed to lying in the end) but contact was stopped for 11 months and it had to be a very gradual to overnights again.. I don’t know what to suggest as it seems mum has really started to cause lasting damage on her children :( If you did go to court they would speak to daughter and encourage contact (if safe to do so) but if she’s already acting like that it would be a very long process :( oh I’m so sorry you’re going through this.. just maintain what you can contact wise and hopefully as they get older they will realise who is the problem parent x

@Jemima God, that sounds awful. So stressful for you all and so unnecessary on her part! Lying is what I'm worried about the most, she's really playing on this narrative that the oldest is scared of him and its 100% nothing he's said or done. I agree, hope they come to their own conclusion eventually x

You need to go to court for all of this. Your husband can represent himself. He would only have to pay the £232 for the court paperwork to be sent off. Contact would be built up over time. Cafcass would talk to the children away from mum to see why they don't want to see if and if they see that's its mum doing it then repercussion can happen to mum.