Am I being unreasonable?

My LG is 3 months old and i struggling to leave her alone.
My husband wants to take my LG to his mums, l because “she needs to build a bond” but it’s just not sitting right with me… yesterday we had a heated discussion where he stopped me from taking my LG for a walk because I was going to pass by and see my dad…. But my partners argument was he isn’t allowed to take my LG to his mums because i can’t part away from my baby! Or he can’t take my LG who is 3 months old for a drive and not have me there …

Yes I feel more comfortable with my LG being around my mom and family … but when his mum is about she is also a little overbearing… eg I asked her not to call MY daughter her daughter or ever call her my baby!
She said it’s out of love
(Bear in mind she is first time grandparent)
My husband seems to think it’s okay?
She comes round to see my daughter quite often and I feel like it’s an issue for my parents if they wish to come, in fact they have stopped because of how my husband is around them…

Am I being unreasonable?
He says I’m not allowed up take my daughter to my parents or anywhere where he isn’t present if he can’t do the same and take her alone without me ?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Thats ridiculous. She is ONLY 3 months, its crucial for you and baby to bond. Noone else. His argument has no value at all. Stick to your guns. At 3 months old why does she need to be taken anywhere without you? If your mil doesnt respect your boundaries then of course you’re going to keep some distance… and your husband isnt making your family feel welcome which is affecting your support system and how does it make his argument any better? I’m sorry but he’s being an arse. His focus/priority should be on you and baby, not his mum.
You didnt carry and deal with all the struggles in pregnancy for your mil or others. She’s your daughter, you carried her and now you should get to enjoy her however you want. Noone else matters. Its about being a happy and healthy family.

Your husband needs to protect you and set clear boundaries with his mother. He needs to understand that if he starts doing that, you will see more of his family because you will feel safe and protected. He needs to prove to you that he can be trusted to guard your boundaries when you’re there, before you can trust him to do it when you’re not present. Surely that should be obvious to him?

Urrrggghhh! Your partner needs to grow up and stop using your baby as a weapon.
I went through this personally... my partners family wanted my partner to take my baby to their house without me there.
This straight away was just massive red flags and made my wall go sky high, I've never had any issues with my partners family so why all of a sudden did they want my baby but not me around!
I stood my ground, and it's ended with them not seeing my daughter very often and they have basically ruined their relationship with me and their granddaughter/neice.
You carried your baby and birthed your baby..what you say goes.
A baby isn't an object that belongs 50/50 to mum and dad.
Your partner is being very selfish and putting his family before you, which is disgusting.
Don't let him tell you what to do.
Make it very clear "where baby goes mummy goes" until you feel comfortable otherwise.
And tell him if he keeps bullying you it will just make your walls go up higher.
Pm me if you like x

Why would a 3 month old be without their mother at their MIL house, ask if his mother did that with him when he was a baby? You may want to think about talking to your husband, he probably needs clarity of the fact that a baby needs to be able to smell their mum when they have bonded or this can be incredibly distressing for them. His mother had her kids and did her bonding, if he wants you guys to go over to hers together then that is fine, (a lot of MIL's are overbearing unfortunately 🙄). He can not however, purposely make your parents feel uncomfortable. Still allow your parents to come over, just ignore him if he is being funny, and tell them to do the same until he is ready to behave in a civil matter. Don't let your baby have to go without the extra love they deserve from your parent because a grown man and his mother are dictating nonsense.

I also have this problem, she wants him to take our baby round without me, I’ve said it’s not happening! My baby is 10 weeks old she knows where we are if she wants to visit! x

in our community

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.

Calpol

My mum has just given my 4 year old calpol because he asked for it. He isn’t poorly (although was last week, been fine this week) he just likes the taste of it. My mum didn’t check, didn’t ask, just gave it to him and when I’ve questioned her she said “he asked for it”. Then quizzed 4 year old who said he asked for it because it tastes nice.

How would you react?