Dads

My guy is 11 months old and I told my husband he can’t spank him. Baby is getting to that age where he’s testing boundaries but I prefer to redirect instead of spanking. I would definitely feel the same!

Nope. Im right there with you! My boyfriend and I aren’t speaking right now because his dumb ass left the toilet seat up and my 14 month put his hand in the water. He yelled and gave him a little spank. I’ve told him 100 times to not leave the sit up if he’s gonna leave the bathroom door open. I went the fuck off. Of course a small child is gonna be curious and do that!! He’s the grown ass man!! Sorry for the long drawn out story but I went off on him. I’ve told him I do not want spank. I seriously almost cried. My son was so sad.

What did baby do to get spanked? I don’t think 11 months is old enough for a baby to understand why he’s even getting punished… I don’t think that’s even old enough to understand what a punishment is.

What kind of pop. Like a spank or like pop on the hand. I think that’s a bit too young but I can understand a pop on the hand depending on the situation

🚩🚩🚩There are SO MANY stdies, including long term (20+yr) studies that prove that spanking and othe forms of physical discipline are actually detrimental to a child’s brain and emotional development. It can cause so many issues later in life including a predilection to violence, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and more. I encourage you to have your husband read some literature on it. Here is one article from Harvard written in 2021: https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/21/04/effect-spanking-brain#:~:text=Research%20has%20long%20underscored%20the,and%20increases%20perception%20of%20threats. As a child who was spanked and beaten with a belt, and was punished in this way even for things beyond my control (symtoms of mental health issues and learning differences), I am speaking from personal experience. I am NC with my step-father and hold a lot of resentment to my Mother for not protecting me or even admitting even now what happens was not okay. Protect your baby!

Also, as a veteran educator young children who holds a psychology degree in child development, there is an never ANY reason a child, especially that young, should be spanked. 11 month olds don’t have self control, they barely have control over their own bodies yet!

I would never ever ever let my husband or anyone lay their hand on my child. Not that he would. I grew up with my mom beating my brother with a wooden spoon, slapping him across the face etc etc they have a horrible relationship now. He is 25 and severely depressed and I believe a lot of it is linked back to that.

@Gabrielle it was a pop on the hand not to hard , but hard enough for tears . I told him I don't think popping is the right solution at this age he went on about he's not gonna be bad etc

@Fun Mama I feel the exact same way !! Just trying to use my "soft" voice so he actually listens to me

What was he being punished for?

@Kerri ✨ smh he was completely wrong !! Im sorry you going through that I hate certain dads in general seems like they don't always take things seriously . I felt so bad for my baby I wanted to cry he just curious no need to pop him or yell

@Lizzie girl 😒 he was biting on some headphones he's 11 months in the scooting almost crawling stage he curious so he gets into everything I keep telling him that , I don't think he deserved to be pop though

@Beanz girl 😒 he was biting on some headphones he's 11 months in the scooting almost crawling stage he curious so he gets into everything I keep telling him that , I don't think he deserved to be pop though

No you’re not wrong for feeling that way. And further, if it doesn’t sit right with your spirit you shouldn’t allow it.

@Hannah K Thank you for this ☺️ showing him right now , it's his first child my second so I try to sit back and let him figure it out but we're definitely gonna try a different approach

@Caroline it's his first child my second so I try to sit back and let him figure it out I told him a Stern stop with a little raised voice will have the same effect as a pop

@Alexis I would nip that in the bud promptly. You'll end up with a child who resorts to violence for the slightest thing. Chewing on headphones??? Just taking them away from the child is punishment enough. An 11 month old is easily redirected with another toy or just a high energy voice saying "look! What's over there to play with!" I'd hate to think how he'd hit him when your son starts hitting back! Some have the confidence beaten out so early they don't do it till they're in their 20s, but that day always comes!

@Britt this was the first time and I did just that! it's his first child so I step back alot and let him make the decisions etc but I told him I don't agree with pops/ spanking I have other beliefs when it come to discipline we talked won't be no more if that 💙

@Beanz I did exactly that this was the first and last time , I Didn't like when he was crying

I understand this on a different level. Not with spankings but my husband is a very political person so his philosophies I think are too harsh. He doesn’t get that kids are going to be kids.

Spanking doesn’t teach kids how to reason effectively. Think of “no” as a wall—it’s a definitive barrier. We want to help kids find the “yes” doors. Think about if our GPS only told us when we were making wrong turns and recalculating. It might get pretty frustrating! Knowing where TO go (and why so they can add the information to their database when appropriate) feels less stressful and it’s the same for kids. Sure, results might take a bit longer because their reasoning is still developing (up until about age 25!) but I’m raising kids that like themselves and others enjoy their company. ❤️ 🥰

@Alexis Like I said I don’t think 11 months is old enough to understand what a punishment is, so I don’t think he was deserved a pop either. I think redirecting his attention would be the better option here because like I said an 11 month old is not going to understand why he’s getting spanked, or understand other forms of punishment, or understand that x actions lead to x consequences.

I made it clear from the moment our first was born that if ANYONE spanks her (it is against the law where I live) and I will not hesitate to call the police and have a restraining order put on them for abusing my child. The only person who has ever spanked her was FIL and when we came to pick her up I was surprised my husband quickly told him do not ever do that again. My husband has learned various ways to discipline. We try to stay educated on our kid's development stages for their age, and I've done a lot to learn how to regulate my emotions and I can talk to my kids calmly, which has made things so much better. It's still hard for me to let husband discipline because he's like a drill Sargeant, just wants the kids to listen and do it not fight back but he is learning that they are curious, they are learning who they are and what they can do. They are not doing things to be mean or to spite us!

As for your baby, 11 months is way too young to understand that he was doing anything wrong which means ANY type of discipline/punishment (time out, spanking, even yelling) will not get through to them and they will not understand, it can however damage the relationship they have with that person. So I would ask husband if he's ok with that happening. Punishing a child does not "make them behave" it makes them sneakier and it makes them afraid of that person and makes them lose trust. It's ridiculous to do these types of things to a child because we would never do it to an adult.

I'm sorry, 11 MONTHS!?! WTF could an 11 month old do that would warrent such a thing?

11 months??????! Way to early!!!

@Alexis lmk if you want more articles!

@🍉 Rowena I love this way about thinking about “yes” and “no” as doors versus walls. And how we are kind of like a child’s GPS. Absolutely genius. I’m stealing this lol❤️❤️

My question is why do yall find it appropriate to discipline an infant? Developmentally they don’t know what you’re doing, except that you’re hurting them. Do not allow him to hit your child or else you are just as much at fault. Stop him from hitting a literal baby please. This was sickening to read

I would never tolerate someone hitting my child let alone his dad so I can't imagine how difficult you're finding it. Can you not have a serious chat with him if you differ so much on discipline? Hitting a child never serves to discipline it only makes them afraid of the parent.

I know it is a little late in the game now but this is why it's so important to get on the same page about discipline before the child is born. Sometimes you disagree with each other without even knowing it. An example: when I was a kid, being sent to my room was horrible and I was SO sad When my husband got sent to his room he thought it was great and like a little treat (extrovert vs introvert). We viewed that punishment VERY differently, so it was important to talk about it. In your case I would think spending some time talking about how you both view discipline could be very helpful. And do it outside of a time where either of you is feeling particularly heated or upset.

No your not wrong to feel that way but you have to realize two parent house holds will have their differences on how to parent. My 16mo test her boundaries alot and it's been times where I've popped her because I do not want her doing it again and honestly it's not even a pop her ill put my hand or arm over her leg and pop myself I guess the sound of the pop clicks for her 🤣. She will listen to her daddy in a heart beat but me? She playsss. as for my 4yo he prefers me because I'm the nice mommy and daddy uselly expect more from him then I do. If we are out and about we usually have him open the doors for me and my other two daughters but some times he forgets due to being excited and my SO will get on him about it(I see it as minor and him being a kid forgetting, my SO sees it as him fning off) but I have to respect how my SO parents our son due to the fact he is a man and knows what's best.

11 months and being spanked you cannot be serious. Babies have no impulse control, you can tell them no but they will continue to do it anyway. Only a scared baby wouldn't and why would you want a scared baby. I'd only start to discipline when they actually understand and with zero spanking. Honestly if the father did that I'd never let him see my child again. People may see this as a tough take but I think spanking is abuse. Those who think differently were probably spanked and have trauma...

You men need to reparenting himself. Change the generational traumas. Do better. Chose gentle parenting. Don't go on autopilot. ✨ A mature man would not spank. He needs to control himself. Don't tolerate this mama (or it's become the reality) 💕

Bloody hell he’s a baby. Why on earth would he smack a baby. The baby doesn’t understand why he’s being hurt.

you dont put your hands on a child, end of story.

@Casey It was the First and LAST Time !! I was shocked and pissed it happened , we spoke about it we both have different beliefs when it comes to parenting and it won't be Happening again. Just wanted to hear y'all opinions so I knew I wasnt wrong for lashing out don't worry he got hit back 😂🫶

@Alexis thank you!!! 🤍 you are NOT wrong and you did the right thing girl

So his thinking is to physically assault a 11 month old baby…? Can’t barely walk if at all. Let alone talk and communicate. Hell, not even a 20/24 month old would understand! Absolutely out of order. I would have broke the bully’s nose!!!!

Man this post makes me sad 😥 your baby is a baby and has no idea why their dad is hitting them

@Lara 🙌🏻 woah cool it with the "physical assault" it was a slap on the hand. Maybe uncalled for, but this dad may have just been panicking about his kid eating headphones and possibly choking. Sometimes people even accidentally hit and then regret it. Maybe go for talking with someone rather than "this is physical assault, so I'm gonna physically assault him"

@Annie 🙄 Clearly not an accident or done accidently. OP said it was in anger. As discipline. 😒😒😒

@Lara 🙌🏻 yeah and no one has ever acted in anger and overreacted? It's horrible to claim physical assault. If you actually believe that you'd urge her to call the police

@Annie but it was assault. How is hurting a baby of 11 months old going to adjust their behaviour ? All it does is teach them fear

@Annie I agree. Calling it assault is too far 😅 The other day, my 11 month old snuggled up on my thigh and then bit it. I jerked my leg up and that pushed him off my leg. He was a little confused and I snuggled him after that to let him know that it was alright. I just didn’t expect it and it was a jerk reaction. I wonder if that would also be considered assault 🤔

@Lara 🙌🏻 then tell her to call the police on her husband if it's assault.

Whoa no I would not be sitting back and letting that dad discipline! That dad needs to read some books and research. That’s just abuse. And to a baby!?

Why in the world would he hit or “pop” a baby?

please don’t let him spank your baby.. especially at 11 months. baby is still a baby.. ik this stage in life can test your patience because at 11 months is when they start to show more of their large emotions. they start to have more tantrums. but this is completely normal as that is their way of communicating and learning that they can have those feelings. you have to learn how to be patient to teach them.

Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. But I do believe there’s a time and a place to do it correctly. And not abusing the child.