Mother in law

I was trying to plan a meal for my daughters first birthday with my immediate family and my partners immediate family there, however my mother in law has now turned round and said that they can’t come because she won’t have any money for then. I might be being unreasonable and don’t get me wrong I completely understand that meals can be expensive but for her to say she won’t have any money when the meal isn’t until the 8th of June just isn’t sitting well with me. Am I being unreasonable? She makes no effort to she my daughter or my step sons and this is just tipping me over the edge
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In a similar situation, my sons birthday is 10th June but on the Saturday before my family are coming to mine to do their presents with him and also my sister has kids so they can all play etc. anyway she told me earlier she might not be able to come because of x y and z and no money. However it’s 3 weeks away, all she has to pay is train ticket which is £10, I’ll have food at mine etc so I was hurt that she might not be able to spare that, her kids go free on trains so it’s literally £10. And she might not have that and miss out on her only nephews 1st birthday? It’s not as if these people don’t know it’s their nephew/grandsons birthday so why not put some aside? A meal might be £15-£30 a person and she can’t put that aside or borrow? It’s like she’s decided “well I’ll probably have no money so can’t come” rather than actually knowing if she’ll have it or not or actually planning to make sure she has it. It’s not fair at all. X

@Hannah my little girls birthday is the 10th too but I wanted to go for the meal on the 8th as I wanted me and her dad to take her out on her actual birthday. Its asif she cba, I have even picked somewhere where I know they do 2 for £20 and is same distance for both my family and his family to get there so there isnt that taken into account either its actually really upset me because she is my first so its my first 1st birthday aswell and i wanted to make it special xx

Depends on reasons I guess. I'm leaving work so only one income now and my sons 1st birthday is 21st june so having a garden party for him and ny 4 year old is 5 on the 10th August so having a big party woth all his class friends coming end of July so had to hire a soft play out and party bags all party bits for baby's birthday presents for both and we're going out on my sons actual birthday and it's the 6 weeks holidays so need money for that and then new school uniform and my mams birthday is the 5th of August and wants to go for a meal and they plan it far away from me never in the middle so that costs me £15 just on travel never mind food and a present so I said with all that in mind I can't afford the meal I need to be smart with money. I think my reasons are valid lol but if it's for any if the kids in my family I always make sure I have money aside for them because they are kids I don't want to miss anything with them x

I’d be annoyed tbf. 🤷🏻‍♀️. If it’s in your means, just say ‘oh we’ll cover you then when you can just pay us back as we’d rather have you there than not’ or something and see how she responds. If she’s still like no then it’s probs because she cba

@Lena she has said because her middle grandson is 10 in July she needs to keep money aside for his presents and his birthday meal as it’s a big birthday for him. She is like this all the time with my daughter and 2 stepsons, but her other grandson she goes above and beyond for regardless. My 3 want for nothing ever from me and their dad but when it comes to how she treats them compared to her other grandson it’s completely different and really pi**es me off. I have even planned the meal somewhere exactly in between my family and my partners so neither of them are travelling further than the other and also it’s somewhere that is 2 meals for £20 to try make things easier for her if she is struggling with money. I have even offered to pay for them and then her pay me back when she can x

@Carys I have offered to pay twice and she’s still saying no, apparently she won’t be able to pay us back any time soon because it’s her middle grandsons 10th birthday in July and she needs to save for his presents and meal as it’s a big birthday and she doesn’t want to miss his meal. I’m beyond pi**ed off like but trying to stay calm x

Okay yeah I’d be pissed at that tbf. That’s like saying your boy isn’t as important imo🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

For inviting people out for dinner for a birthday I would cover the cost with family 🤷‍♀️ I would cover the cost of food if they were coming to my house for the party so think of the same for eating out.

@Rachel sorry but there is 15 of us all tonight and that is just ours immediate family so I definitely wouldn’t be paying for all of us to eat out, making a few sandwiches and things is completely different that paying for a restaurant meal. Xx

@Carys she treats my daughter and my 2 stepsons completely different to how she treats her other grandson. She’s now pissed because I have told her that she has until the 25th to let me know if she is definitely not coming so I can book a table, she honestly thinks we shouldnt be having the meal because they aren’t coming x

For my eldest first birthday we went out for dinner for her birthday for 11 adults and 4 children and we paid as we asked them to come, this time we are combining with a baptism so going to a local pub after and doing a welcome drink and a few snacks as more people and we have a budget in mind. Not saying there is anything wrong with everyone paying for themselves if that’s the normal for your family but if someone is saying they don’t want to pay for dinner out then have to respect that. Hope you had a great time celebrating 1st birthday and making it to the milestone of 1 year as a parent🥳

@Rachel I have offered paying for her as I really wanted everyone there but she is still saying no so it’s her loss and now she is annoyed at us because we are still going for a meal without her and my partners family there x

So sorry for the late reply. See that's really not on. She can't treat them different. It's her loss by the sounds of it. My mam isn't coming to my sons 1st birthday as well because she can't get to mine but she could .y dad could bring her. She will say the same for my sons 5th birthday but went to my nephews party last year but not my sons and went to my nephews on his birthday this year but can't mine. I'm don't asking now. It's not fair but they are missing out not the kids x

What a cow! You really can’t please some people and like you said it’s her loss, you have done everything you can do, don’t let her put a downer on the celebrations and have a great time

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