I don’t feel like I can do this anymore

My son is amazing. He turns 2 next week and whilst I know how much I love him and how lucky I am to have such a genuinely lovely child, I have a long history of mental health problems and my capacity for parenting and life in general is at 0. I work part-time, I am fortunate to be able to afford childcare and my son is in nursery at least 20 hours of the week, so really, the fact that when is with me he ends up on the iPad or watching tv for 80% of the time is fu<king pathetic. I just hate myself for what an awful mum I’m being. But I don’t know what I can do because I’m constantly mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism recently and am on a waiting list to start ADHD meds. I’ve already been to my GP and spoken to the local crisis team when I’ve been like this before but I’m already on antidepressants (have been on pretty much all of them) and am in NHS therapy (which I’m sorry, but it’s crap). I don’t know what the purpose of this is. I just can’t live like this anymore
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Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing the best you can at the moment. Being a parent is hard enough, but being a parent who is struggling with their mental health is harder. Be kind to yourself, you're going through a lot. Just take one day at a time and take what support you can get. If you feel like you need it right now, reach out to the crisis tram again. Do you have any friends or family you can ask for help?


Be peaceful, be proud and believe in yourself. You are doing better than you think you are. Every emotion/state of mind is temporary and things will get better. You are the world to your little one and they are only as amazing as they are thanks to you. A normal day for you could be the bestest day ever for your bubba and they are just as lucky to have you as you are them… It’s tough, but you got this. 💛✨

It sounds like you need a little mama break. Life can be very tough for anyone with a long history of mental health, without a little person to look after. Do you have anyone who can help you for a few days? Or are you able to take some time off work whilst your little one is at nursery to try and take a break? There is absolutely no shame in your little one using the resources they have whilst you need a break. Try not to focus on the things that you are not currently able to do and focus on the small wins for what you can do. Whether that’s making a breakfast or preparing some fruit. I recently saw a video which shows a day in the life of a struggling Mum who was telling her husband how bad the day was and how everything went wrong. Then it switched to the day in the view of the child’s eyes and they saw it as a beautiful day spent with their Mummy. Give yourself some grace. We can be our own worst enemy sometimes x

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