My husband said I can't fix it

I have been married for almost two years, but with my husband for over ten. We've been through a lot together, including a very early relationship unplanned pregnancy and much later on a miscarriage. I have PTSD and chronic depression which was untreated when we met, he has ADHD. We've had issues because of my mental health, such as bed rotting and neglecting the house and low sex drive. We have an elementary school and a toddler aged children together. This past winter there was a situation that called his faithfulness into question, he claimed the incident was not censentual but I reached out to the woman before talking to him and it caused social backlash for him. He is very private and doesn't like people he works with or encounters socially to know any details about his life. For example he doesn't want folks who aren't his direct coworkers at his job coming up and asking personal questions about me and our kids when he's not friendly with them and they don't know me at all. He's not trusting of their intentions, and I'm not very trusting either so I get it. He goes out to bars regularly, a friend of his hosts events and it's his social outlet. A couple of days ago he came home and told me that a woman who's a regular bar goer he hadn't seen in a few months stared at him and then when he acknowledged her rattled off his full name, job and company, and possibly something about his family too? I'm not remembering precisely right now. He asked her what she was talking about, she asked him if he had lied to her, and he replied he'd never said those things to her. His friend started to say he was an accountant, and he hushed him to further support that alternative line through secrecy. My husband was really creeped out that this woman knew his full name and where he works, and pretty shaken by it. He made a comment that we'd need to move and he'd need to get a different job. We live in a smaller city where people act like it's a small town, and are nosy about each other's business and lives. I totally empathized with him about how creepy and overstepping this whole thing was but it doesn't surprise from what I know of people around here. The following morning he told me to help him because he was spiraling about the whole thing, I didn't really know what to say. Partially because I'm more likely to spiral myself then have the skills to talk someone else down, partially because I don't think anonymity is truly possible in a small town in the online age, and partially because I don't feel I can ask him for emotional support about anything and I'm burnt out on the whole family relying on me that way when I have no one to turn to. I went over the scenario again and reaffirmed my empathy but I didn't really know what else to add. I asked him what I could do for him. He didn't know. After that he left briefly, then went out into the woods with an ax to vent some frustration presumably, and left again and returned with some beer and drank a few. He later told me not to touch him when I tried to be physically reassuring. I respected the request and gave him space. I told our oldest to give him space so she wouldn't tackle him not knowing his mood and have him errupt at her, and he kind of isolated for the day. He helped me with a few things with the kids and when I came in to thank him he just said they're his kids too and again asked me not to touch him. I asked him a few times throughout the day how or if I could help him. He slept on the couch that evening, and the following day told me he wasn't doing well but didn't want to talk. And I gave him space again and tried to get him to eat dinner which he refused, I slept on the couch to give him space that night. This morning he got up and dressed and sat staring for a minute before throwing a couple full beer cans into the next room and ranting at me. He told me he felt like he was in the house with the enemy, blamed me for letting these stalkers in the back door, and giving them a footing during the infidelity incident. He said he can't go out and see his friends anymore. He asked me if I was going to get a job paying what he makes, and threw me staying home with the kids in my face. He told me he thought about ending his life and the kids were the only thing keeping him in the home and on this earth. He told me I couldn't fix it. He left for work and I just feel numb and confused. I'm by no means perfect, and I could never say I'm a perfect wife, but I don't understand how all the blame for all this is on me. I don't understand how I'm responsible for his social issues when I'm not the one who kissed someone else, and I didn't tell this woman anything. I don't know what I can do. I don't know if him saying I can't fix it means our marriage is over. Obviously I don't work, or have much recent job experience, and I don't have a car or childcare to go start and get myself out of this situation. I'm socially isolated, no friends or family, so I don't have anywhere I can go stay for a while. Any reassurance or advice would be appreciated, obviously there's a lot of detail over the years of a relationship I can't include in one post, and I only have my own perspective. I feel like I've completely failed as a wife and mother.
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Yo, that sounds kinda like abuse.... girl, you haven't failed at anything it sounds like he had a lot of guilt and shame and is projecting.... I don't see how you are to blame for him having stalkers after he wasn't faithful to you... and then to throw your being a stay at home mother in your face like that? Incredibly uncalled for. It sounds like he is going through some really big emotions like guilt, fear, anxiety, shame, ect and he is taking all those difficult feelings out on you to try and cope, this is not ok.

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