Help! How do I relax?
Show your support
Maybe you're high strung for a reason. If you relax your body knows you are not safe so it can't. Don't ignore how you feel. Think about what you can do and remember lots of things are out of our control. Protect yourself and kids foremost. Going through a similar thing with a narcissist tho I only have one child. Confrontation might need to go on hold, try your best to be kind and hear him out. But don't give him too much emotions. I focus on being a good parent for my kids. It usually will get him to be distracted ebough that he won't be as abusive, other times it will be the exact catalyst for him to get angry and be out of control. He's never hit me except my butt once, and if he did I'm ready to pack my stuff and leave. I have set countless boundaries with people around me and I feel all alone, but the resources online about narcissists and how to escape one really are helping me understand I am not crazy. You can't convince him otherwise though, he is in love with control and will do anything to get it.
Delete all notifications, make sure you do not share your plan, save little by little. Change your password immediately and sign out of all your accounts. Do not let him in your phone or have any access ever. Make sure you have your own bank account that he doesn't have access to. If you look up anything do it secretly and delete the history. Save money and plan so you can keep yourself steady. If you have any doctors appointments or things and you get benefits from him plan on getting them done without him catching on why. If you have to leave find a woman's shelter and speak to them but it's better you don't mention it to your husband. I haven't needed to go to a woman's shelter yet, but I've called domestic violence helpline before when I really felt no one was helping and I was in crisis. The best thing for you is to leave the awful person and get your sanity back by healing without needing them. If someone isn't totslly on your side they're gonna weigh you down with doubt
Don't tell people about your plan, just slowly make an emergency plan and try to remind yourself that this is not normal behavior on his part. If he really is a narcissist he will not understand your reality and will hate that you are happy. Be happy anyways. He might end up leaving you, that's OK. Don't give him what he wants.
I realize you already got kicked out of the house you were sharing. This is good. Don't move back in unless you absolutely have to. Find support financially and try to build your credit if you can so you can find a place to rent. Look for help with accommodations at a woman's shelter for the time being. They can give you resources that an attorney won't.
Continue to be a good mom and document all the stuff he does too for the court.
Save every penny you can and explain to the kids that you love them and won't leave them and remember how much you mean to them. Be strong and understand that this was not how good men should be. You're teaching your kids how to navigate a dangerous situation and this is a big life lesson that I hope never happens again, so long as you take time to heal. You are a wonderful beautiful amazing woman that deserves recognition and support and I wish you lots of love.
Pray over your children as well. Pray and pray for miracles.
Ahh sounds similar to me - honestly right now you’re in fight or flight mode so it’s good you’re telling yourself you need to relax. I tried something which I know I’m awful at as a challenge - running. I put baby in the pushchair and go out - mind you I only have 1 baby and it’s a bit easier. Trust me time will help and just do things at really tiny intervals. X