What would you do?

I really don’t want this to sound shallow at all so please bare with me because it may come off that way. 😬 I decided to start dating since my son’s dad and I broke up over a year ago and I finally felt good enough to jump back in the dating world. I did NOT, however, think that I was going to have such a hard time choosing between two guys. Usually I go on a date or two and realize I don’t see something working and move on. That didn’t happen this time. I had already planned two dates within a week with 2 different guys back in April before ever meeting them in person and started talking to both back in February. Since then I’ve waited for both of them to wind up messing up or giving me the ick or something. Neither one has, but I cannot for my life make my mind, but I feel I owe it to one of them to let them know now it won’t work so I’m not leading them on or hurting someone. It’s like that scene in the notebook where the mom takes Allie to see the man she almost ended up with vs Allie’s dad. Guy 1: The absolute sweetest man I have ever met. Treats me like a queen! Like we had been out on a few dates and he got me a pretty expensive Mother’s Day present and a hand written card. He comes from a wonderful family who know about me and want to meet me. My mom hasn’t met him but adores him already based on actions and conversations I’ve had with him and told her about. I don’t ever have to second guess my trust or wonder about his intentions. He calls me throughout the day just to chat or let me know his plans. He even has the same name choices that I have for future kids. One thing that’s kind of a neutral for me is the fact I do like being a SAHM and if I had it my way I’d still be a SAHM, but he mentioned he didn’t like that his ex fiancé didn’t help with bills when they lived together (she didn’t have kids so maybe that makes a different but idk). However, because of his autism diagnosis he has a hard time with certain discussions. For example, sex. He is very loving in person, but any mention or discussion of sex is brushed off quickly. From what he told me he isn’t a virgin nor is he trying to be celibate, but any mention or flirting in that way is just kind of walked around. We’ve been talking all day, everyday for almost 4 months and for it to still be a taboo thing bothers me. I am not by any means asking him to do anything he’s uncomfortable with, but I think healthy conversation about likes and dislikes is important to understand boundaries in the future. In my opinion, sex is important for a healthy relationship and I don’t want to feel uncomfortable or guilty about my desire either. I don’t push the subject because I know it’s not easy for him to discuss. I also can be sarcastic and like to make jokes that maybe aren’t the most “ladylike” and sometimes he will partake, but other times I’m nervous he’s going to think that I’m too much. 😅 Guy 2: This guy came out of nowhere. He wasn’t even on my radar when we started talking, but after 1 phone call it was clear that there is a STRONG chemistry. Like if I wasn’t talking to guy 1 and this man asked me to marry him I’d give it serious consideration. The comfort level after one phone call was insane. I’ve never had it like this before. We can talk about anything. In fact we’ve had a conversation about how I’m having a hard time with this decision and how I just wanted him to be 100% in the know about everything and my feelings. I can be super sarcastic with him and roast him and I get it right back which I love. He is everything I LOVED about my son’s dad with none of the bad stuff that made me miserable. He is a total blue collar, wants to provide for the family, and is happy if I’m happy type of guy. He said if I want to work I can work, but if I want to be a SAHM he would love that. The sexual tension is also through the roof for us both. Although we’ve never done anything from what I have seen, he is much smaller downstairs. Not that I’ve ever been with anyone above the average size it’s even small for me. I am worried that maybe the sexual tension and the chemistry won’t last forever and that me being satisfied in bed in the future will be an issue. I can’t say for sure because we haven’t done anything, but I don’t necessarily want to be sleeping with him and entertaining guy 1 either since that isn’t fair to either. I also worry that maybe I’m chasing my son’s dad even though I don’t want to be with my ex that maybe I’m still blinded by that in some ways. Both: I’ve asked both about kids and parenting styles and both have the same exact thoughts and feelings as I do when it comes to schooling, parenting choices, and how things would be handled. Neither have children but want them which is great. Neither have been married, but both previously engaged once. Both do not mind me having a child nor the issues with my son’s father (he has a no contact order for both of us). And both I feel like would give me the moon if I asked for it. They both work super hard, have good job, live out on their own, and know how to pay bills by themselves which is huge for me since my ex was the exact opposite. They both have things that I adore about them and things that worry me a lot. If you were in this situation what would you do? Just wait it out? Or do you have any advice for any of this because I feel like I’m going crazy. 🫠
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I think you should talk to both about sex. Make it clear to guy #1 that sex is a very important factor to you and yes he may be uncomfortable with the topic/conversation, it's best to talk about it before hand because if you don't, you guys will have wayyy more conversations about it than is necessary because you will be trying to figure it all out as you go instead of the few times you might need to talk about it. Guy#2 also needs to be talked to about sex, see what his views are on adding toys into the mix from the get go or from early on so that you both are satisfied with the sex. Of course, sex isn't all about penetration or how big/small a guy is but it is a pretty good factor in the pleasure department.

Also talk fininces, ask guy number one if a sahm is something he'd be ok with or if he'd silently judge you for not "contributing". Ask both that if you were to be a sahm if the finances would be joint or separate. Would you have unlimited access to the money or do you only get an "allowance" of sorts. I think you should have unlimited access as a sahm, if you were to work I'd think both a joint for bills and a separate for your own spending/savings would be best.

Not guy #1

The thing about sex is you can always add to it if it isn't enough. Sometimes big things come in small packages. To me it sounds like you should definitely sit down with guy #1. If anything you could decide friendship is the best course of action. And that's okay.

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