Wwyd, child care!

Jakob goes to a childminders twice a week with his free disability hours. I'm a sahm and use the time to clean/do life admin/rest.
He's been offered a place at a wonderful pre school that's term time only.
I'm wanting to keep him a day at the childminders though because it's lovely and year round, longer days. so it would be 3 days a week in childcare.
I feel so much mum guilt about this like a failure of a sahm.but he loves it there and it's so good for his development.
My husband works shifts/long days/6 days a week so I'm still on my own with them both absolutely loads.
Am I an awful mum for considering this?
It would also give me chance to actually look for a job! (I've got training in 2 weeks to be a pirate worker)

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Portage, not pirate, pirate would be cool though 😂

You’re not an awful mum in the slightest! They get SO much from nurseries/childminders and aids their development so much to be apart from their primary carers. Also if it gives you that chance that you wouldn’t have before to look for a job and do something for you, definitely do it x

he went for some settling in days at the pre school and there was so much for him to do, he loved it! Plus he'd get a 1:1 so he'd be getting all the attention!

Each to their own, my eldest went to nursery from 2, my second from 9 months and I intend keeping Elaine at home until January when she will be 3 and can start school nursery 3 days... my circumstances with each has been different and although I felt guilty with my son at 9 months he absolutely loved it and thrived. I don't think there's a need to feel guilty when you're running the house single handed either x

I think that's another reason I feel guilty, my eldest stayed home till 4, but back then I had a village, wasn't in my 40s and he wasn't as disabled as my littlest is.

Definitely don’t feel guilty! Our daughter is in nursery 2 days and if we could afford to send her 3 I would, when she gets her 30 hours we are going to increase her days. She gets so so much from it, she loves her friends, the staff and the days she’s there she gets to do so much more than the day I have her at home 😂 absolutely do not feel bad if he loves it!

do you work? I feel like cos I don't work ATM I don't deserve it

I do yeah, 4 days but full time hours condensed but I would still send her even if I didn’t, it’s just I have to work to be able to send her. But it’s not just about you getting a break it’s about what they will get out of nursery and a social environment, it helps them massively in their development!

this is true, and him going means every day I do have with him I have the energy to do fun things and don't have to worry about housework etc. cos I do my deep cleans when he's there and just sod it the rest of the time 😂
I think I am going to keep him on 2 days though and just move him to the pre school because there's much more for him to do than at the childminders and he can have his OT, SALT and PT there which he can't at the childminders

I’m the same, I have Thursdays with my daughter but I’ve constantly got housework or the food shop or stuff to do, so in January when I can send her 3 days I’m going to keep the Thursday off then I can do all that sort of stuff without her around and don’t have to think about it when I do have time with her

Same, my oldest loves her school and we signed her up for extended day that is offered for free this year. My youngest we started for a few hours. I feel like I failed to stay home properly, but with my youngest I knew so much about their development it was unfair to her to try to work and care for her at the same time. I am working out a new routine to make sure our evenings count - my oldest mostly needs no pressure to participate but being welcomed in whatever I am doing with the youngest.

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.