Advice needed

Salaam Ladies Me and my husband have separated, we have a 2 month old together, he wants to take turns in terms of keeping him, him one week and me one week. I don't want to leave my child with for longer than a few hours, I dont want to leave him over night. I am dreading leaving him even for a few hours. My LO is too small for me to trust with anyone. Any advice??
Share Mobile
  • Share

Show your support

Sorry to hear that you have separated from your husband. I hope you're ok! I think maybe try to explain to your ex that your little one needs you more at the moment especially if you're breastfeeding too (if you are). And possibly come up with an arrangement for when baby is older but for now limit to a few hours a week

A child that young shouldn’t be away from their mother for longer than a few hours if it can be helped tbh. And I think it’s crazy for him to suggest 1 week rotation… I’ve never heard of such a set up and I think that is extremely confusing for children of any age. A week is both a very long time and quite short. There would be massive issues in trying to sort a routine, not to mention how the BABY will adjust emotionally leaving a parent it was attached to for a whole week. As you mentioned you’re separated and not divorced, you should discuss the implications with your husband and do not agree with such a thing, not even a night, perhaps he can have the baby for mornings or evenings? If you choose an outright divorce, might be worth getting lawyers involved in order to organise a much more child centred custody. He is being unreasonable and selfish.

The baby is way too young to be separated from you, in Islam you have more of a right to keep custody of child because your weaning them

Way too young. Suggest letting him have the baby for a couple of hours every other day. Sorry that you’re going through all this as a new mom. May Allah make it easy for you sis💕

Way too young to be with father alone for a whole week, I’m pretty sure even if you took the legal route you’d get custody because of how small baby is rn

I really dont want to give him my baby I get so much anxiety from this. Giving my baby to him means giving my baby to my MIL. She is crazy out of her mind. She's fed him honey when he doesn't stop crying to show her son she can control him. She panics when he cries inconsolably it makes me more worried what else she might do. She wants to give him raw milk when he is able to wean. I am scared out of my mind right now. I have suffered a lot of emotional abuse from both and now with the baby I feel like it'll continue.

I know how you feel. I never felt comfortable w my MIL with my baby and I still don’t but I had to put my trust in Allah. That’s helped with giving me a peace of mind. Are you BF?

Mixed feeding, more formula feeding. She taunted me so much around BF as my baby kept falling asleep, that I stopped offering BF to my baby which has reduced my milk supply a lot

It's not too late to increase supply, just keep offering it. I don't think there's been a time where my baby hasn't fallen asleep feeding at the breast, that's a positive not negative

Ur baby comes first. Now is the time to fight! Fight for ur baby. A baby that young doesnt understand he is separate from his mother. They NEED that secure attachment and presence or their mum and they need it consistently. This young, ur absence even for a few hours, nevermind a whole week or two, sends a baby into dysregulation. Im not trying to make u feel bad. But ur a mum now. Ur baby needs u. Ur his only advocate. I need to stop being a girl and become a woman. Speak up! Plz for ur child. Dont let this harm come to him. Esp the stuff u said ur MIL has done. From now on, dont let anyone overstep ur boundaries. Honey before one is a massive no-no for babies! So plz speak up. Even if ur voice shakes. Stand ur ground. Do whats best for that child. Ur husband is being immature and petty and selfish and not thinking of ur son at all. YOU are his only advocate.

Ur letting these people bully u. U need to become strong. Ur baby is relying on u. Plz start to speak up and stand ur ground. Also; start breastfeeding more. Babies fall asleep while breastfeeding, thats Allahs design. Its normal and healthy. Breastmilk contains melatonin which helps baby go to sleep, its esp high in nighttime breastmilk. Also the comfort helps baby feel safe and sleep well. Why and how u let ur MIL convince u thats wrong is beyond me. Im sorry im not trying to be rude, but u need some tough love. Ur a mum now, u need to be strong and do what is best for ur baby and urself. Forget everyone else. Start breastfeeding him more and more. Ur supply will go up. And when ur baby gets used to the breast more, he wont be able to be without u for even a few hours.

Just plz understand that what ur (sorry, but stupid) husband is proposing is cruelty on ur baby.

Read more on Peanut
Trending in our community