Doing it without him

My bd and I got pregnant really early in our relationship. He says that as soon as we got together I only looked depressed and when I got pregnant it only got worse. He said that he’s tired of seeing my depressed face. I tried making the pregnancy go smoothly didn’t want to bother him, once the baby was born he left and I was in the hospital by myself. He only comes at night to see the baby but she’s usually always asleep and he never really helped me take care of her. We fought a lot because he doesn’t know how to set boundaries with women and things got physical. I wanted to breakup in the heat of the moment but I mainly wanted him to just want to be with me. We broke up yesterday yet the minute later he tries to be intimate and says things like going on dates but he ended it with me. So why? I wanted my baby to see love and I know it might be best for us to end but I do love him. I just wish he loved me. He said he’d do anything for our daughter even staying with me but is that right? Should we be together just for her? I’m dying inside but i don’t know what to do
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You're not supposed to end up with everyone you date. This one was supposed to be a throw away, but you guys had a baby, which resulted in you maybe being together longer than you should have. This was probably never going to work out tbh.

Honestly, I have had the same experience. It’s best for you to let him go & start fresh & anew. Let someone find you that knows your worth. I can understand that maybe he was facing his own demons & needed space but he chose to do that alone when at that moment you needed him to help your child. The fights & arguments will continue & get worse because yall have experienced dark times together & it will come back each time there is a rough time between yall. I’m only saying this due to having the same experience… I stayed through my pregnancy & had fights , arguments & etc. if the love is real, take your time figure yourself out & enjoy your moment with your baby. Coparenting is recommended until you see that he is really mature & committed to you & your daughter love. 🤍

I am so sorry you're going through this. This should be a time for you to be loved and supported, not dealing with this. My two cents, if he would truly make an effort - y'all get married, he's committed to making it work, faithful, etc - then it's worth a shot. However if he would just continue being himself and hurting you it's way better for your babe to see you not tolerating that. I'd set a hard boundary of "if we get together these are the behaviors I will not tolerate", and then stand by them. You can't change him. I would also read the book (or listen to it on audible) Boundaries by Henry Cloud. It changed my life. I raised my first son without his biological father in the picture and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but 12 years later my wounds from the betrayal have healed. Unfortunately, my son still has huge wounds from it, but I had to learn that isn't my responsibility, two of us made him and one of us failed him. Praying for your little family.

Oh hunny. Trust there are millions of single moms that raise kick ass kids I'm doing it. My mom did it with me. I didn't want to be a single mama. But my bd changed when I got pregnant and he made me miserable with his verbal attacks. Girl you dint want to be with someone who treats you bad. You want to show your baby you and her deserve better. You deserve the best. Chin up! You've got this!

I don't think anyone should stay together "for the kids". If you want your baby to see love...don't be with him and find someone who will show your baby how people should be loved. Once you get over him, you'll see how ridiculous considering staying with him was. You'll be just fine.

@Tiffany how do I coparent tho?

By simply minding your business. Let him do him but at the same time allow him to see his child. You have to remember we are all humans. Eventually your daughter will get to see who their parents really are. Focus on yourself & be the better version of yourself. If child support is needed then by all means do what u have to do. But u can not make a man be a father, he has to be ready for that . I co-parent & only message my BD about his kids because I know talking about anything else will start something. Ignore all the extra comments. It takes a village to raise a child .. if friends & family are willing to help then take up on that. Enjoy life while u can.

@Tiffany I do agree that talking only about the children is important because he speaks to his ex wife about things that don’t involve their kids and they would hang out and he’d do alot of stuff for her while I was pregnant and at the hospital after giving birth he prioritized her more than me. But it’s hard not bringing anything up cuz he doesn’t even ask how our daughter is doing so I’m like what’s more important than your daughter. I just never wanted my daughter to see her father in a bad light. I’m scared he’s gonna ruin it for himself with her. But I guess it’s not my job

@Zoé how do you separate your feelings with how your son feels. I’m scared that he’s not going to prioritize my daughter and she’s going to have a bad relationship with him. I never want her to think bad about her father. I know I can’t make him but I just want him to understand and try

As long as you do your part & be honest then you should have nothing to worry about. & no that’s not your job on how your child views another person. She will see that you were honest & did your best as a mom & provider. Stop stressing mommy, you are doing great! Remember that 🤍

Well it's been 12 years for me, so my feelings and hurt have faded. Now I can just empathize with my son. He feels - understandably - angry at being abandoned. Now my husband and I just go through that pain with him, recognizing that he has his own relationship with his father that we can't control or fix for him. She may have a bad relationship with him, but that's his fault now. All you can do is heal yourself and be the best mother you can be. If he doesn't come around you (and your future husband who is going to be a much better man than this guy I promise) will be responsible for supporting your daughter as she works through the pain of her father letting her down. If he can understand and change that's great, but if he can't you need to be willing to walk away and set boundaries. You're doing a great job already, your love for your baby is so clear! You'll be just fine, even though it doesn't feel like it right now!

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