Mother in laws

My partners mum is lovely and really wants to be involved, but she’s getting too involved, she wants to come to every scan midwife appointment etc but I feel really bad if I let her because my mum is terminally ill and bed bound and I’m already struggling with the fact she may not be here to see her first grandchild and she can’t support me how she wants to because if she wasn’t poorly she would be with me at every appointment. She already wants to plan me a baby shower and everything but I don’t want one without my mum being able to be involved. How do I say all this to her in a nice way?? 🙈 I feel like she will get really funny about me saying no but it’s my choice. I don’t need to be stressing over her when I have enough going on

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I’m sorry that sounds really hard 🥺 I struggled with my MIL too, she was always around too much. My Mum passed away 10 years ago so it was a lot when I was missing her during pregnancy and when she was born. Coming to scans and midwife apps is surely way too much! Could he maybe speak to her for you? When she offers to come you could say thank you, but you’re fine to go on your own/with partner and maybe she’ll stop asking. I think with everything going on with your Mum at the moment, she will hopefully be really understanding of how you’re feeling ❤️ she probably just wants to be there for you but understand it must be overwhelming! X

I think you can only take one person in at a time anyway . So you could always say that. Also I would mention your mum. ‘Thank you for your support it means a lot to me, but at the moment I am missing my mothers support and I only want a baby shower if my mum can attend, I appreciate everything but I would like to do the scans with ‘partner’ and I alone’

Plus not being funny …. As you go further into pregnancy near the end they start doing internet examinations you won’t want her there for that

So I’ve told her I’m not comfortable with it and that because my mum can’t be with me for anything I’d rather it just be me and my partner so nobody feels left out, her response was she already feels pushed out and it’s not fair that she can’t come with me to anything just because my mum can’t. I feel like doing this on my own 🤯

Omg 😬 it’s really not her place to be coming to appointments anyway, it’s so bizarre?! Can your partner speak to her? I suppose at least you’ve said how you feel now and she’ll just have to deal with it. It’s your pregnancy and baby not hers!

Midwife appointments are usually just the expecting Mum that attend but I guess you can take anyone you want, they would probably prefer it just be you as they like to ask if there are any concerns about your home/partner safety & anything worrying you. Plus like one of the other ladies said she really doesn't need to be present for an internal exam 🤦🏻‍♀️ Better to lay down ground rules now than have issues in the future of MIL overstepping. She'll get over not being included in appointments if she really wants to be involved in babies life, it's your child not hers. Sorry about your Mum x

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