Am I crazy for not wanting my in laws to babysit?

My in laws live really far away, so we rarely get to see them, and every time we do see them, they always offer to baby sit. But here are my issues. 1. I have had my daughter on a routine pretty much since day 1 and it has worked so so well for her. I always get nervous when i leave her with other people because it is so important they don’t mess with the routine. It’s the reason she sleeps through the night, and I stay sane. I always think I’m the one that has to deal with the fallout of them not sticking to routine not them, so it’s easier to not if that makes sense? 2. My little girl has awful reflux. So if her formula is mixed slightly wrong, or she isn’t fed at the right angles she ends up miserable and ill which is just horrible to see. So I like to almost ‘train’ people on how to feed her and make sure they are doing it correctly before letting them feed her without me. 3. My daughter just doesn’t really know them. She sees them once a week on facetime, and has met them 2 or 3 times actually in person, but she is 6 months, and doesn’t massively recognise them. My worry is if she wakes up and doesn’t know or remember who they are, she will be miserable. Sometimes she actually screams at my husband, if I put her down for her nap, and he gets her up. She regularly cries at my mum when she babysits, but always calms down the second she is with me. So I can’t imagine she will do well with waking up to them not me. I guess my question is do you think I am being crazy and just need to calm down about it, or be strong and keep saying no until we are all a but more comfortable with it? Sorry for how long this ended up!! Thanks for any advice / opinions in advance xx

Show your support

All sound like valid reasons to me. Why do they need to be with her without you there in the 1st place? For various reasons I wouldn't leave my baby with my own family(my MIL looks after her daily and they absolutely adore each other) and I don't even entertain the conversation to be honest. I think if you do, they'll find a way to gaslight you and make you question yourself.

i totally understand your point. i was the same but eventually i had to let my mum and partner to help because it was getting too much for me..even if my baby cries for a bit when my partner holds him ..i try to stay away for a bit..so i can eat and have a shower..i know i can calm him down very quickly if i take him..but i need time for myself too…probably as you ..i wouldn’t leave him with someone else that doesn’t know the way he eats or how much…the sleeping routine and everything else..do whatever you think is best for you and your baby 🤍

@Vanesa I am definitely getting better at it but it’s just so nerve wracking isn’t it! I don’t think I would mind if i was there just in case, but it doesn’t feel right to leave her with them knowing she probably won’t cope! Xx

yes! definitely i wouldn’t leave my baby either without me watching him ..or to be around..i had 1 gp appointment and left him with my mom for 20 min and i called her 5 times 🤣

I completely get this- both my MIL and my own parents are very close to us and love baby and she loves them and we have been lucky to have all their help but its getting trickier- I need to be stricter on nap times and she is very distracted while feeding etc so these days it feels like I am always being handed back a baby that either hasnt slept at all (!!!) or has had an extra nap that I know she could do without, or who has only had half of her milk. I really try to be flexible and let go but its hard because as you say, we are the ones that have to fix it! I would leave her with them for as short a time as you can? Say you go up for the day- you feed her and get her down to sleep and then go asap- they get her when she wakes and play with her in time for you being back for next feed? So they could have her for what maybe 2 hours? Worst case scenario she is upset when she wakes but they can probs distract her with a toy or songs etc but cant affect her routine?? Not ideal*

*but may get you off the hook for a while. Personally I think it will be so much easier when baby is eating meals and less milk and having only 1-2 naps! Sorry for the essay but I totally get this, and people always act like oh you should be grateful for the help and we are but sometimes the fall out is more work than the break than we got in return if that makes sense lol

I totally understand this too. My mum had her 'training' 😂 so I'm comfortable letting her babysit but not anyone else yet as they haven't spent enough time with her, or when they do help out things happen like they decide she's not hungry when she is or they give up trying to get her to sleep when she's tired so she becomes overtired 🤦🏻‍♀️ If people are willing to spend the time and learn her routine then I have no problem but if not, or if that's not possible I'll probably be waiting until she's older and her routine is a bit easier. Means we have less childcare but I'd rather know my little one is happy, fed and rested and be able to relax and enjoy myself when I'm away from her x

You don’t need any reasons to not wanting them to baby sit. A simple I don’t want them to Is enough! Your baby, your rules 🤍 if you don’t feel comfortable then that’s that. I have 21m old son and the first time I left him with my mum was when I went in to hospital to have my 5m old because I simply didn’t have a choice. Since then my mum has looked after them both once over night purely as we needed to get a full night sleep as neither of them like to sleep. But my mum and sister is the only one I trust because even tho they live 2 hrs away they understand and I can trust them to do what I say. I simply wouldn’t leave them with anyone else. But my reason is simply because I don’t want too. People need to put the work in before hand to earn the right to baby sit 🤍 You’re totally not crazy at all. But remember you need some time to yourself every once in a while! It’s exhausting being a fabulous mummy xx

I guess they want to offer because they want to help? You have no requirement to accept the help but if you want to, then stick short and sweet so just go for a coffee alone for half an hour or something? And I would absolutely write out instructions so they do the routine correctly!

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌