Husband finally hit me.

He’s been mentally abusive and verbally abusive for over a year now. Yesterday he hit me while holding our son. I had my back turned to him and he hit me from behind. Why? Because I asked him to give our son a bath. He said no, and I disconnected his game… he asked for the keys to car and I told him I don’t know where it is… he then started to get aggressive. I ran upstairs, turned my back. Then he hit me from the back. Has anyone one been in this type of situation? What did you do? What should I do? I already called the domestic violence hotline.
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Yes unfortunately

You need to leave. It maybe hard u might think u wont be able to do it on ur own but u very much can. Anyone can. Ik its hard but do u wanna get beat ur whole life in front of ur baby or ur kid nd u get beat or yall get killed by him nd no thats not extreme bc how do you think those domestic killings happen? It starts here. I will be praying that you get you nd your son out of that situation nd do not let him alone w your son period.

Well done for seeking help via the hotline. Please do whatever you can to get you and your baby somewhere safe x

Honestly… it never gets better.. he’s going to do it again. Especially while holding your son it shows he really doesn’t have a regard for either of you.. he could lose his cool one day and God forbid he hurt you or your child. Get out while you can. And fast

The app has this down below: https://www.peanut-app.io/blog/resources-for-women

Unfortunately the reality is it won’t get better and will get worse going forward. I would just get out of the situation as quickly as possible. Oftentimes domestic violence issues will escalate to yourself and potentially your son getting killed. I understand it may not be easy at first and some days will be harder than others but you will get through it and be stronger for it!

He should not have hit you regardless. But you also escalated the situation. You shouldn't have pulled the plug out and if anymone need to leave to calm down you should let them. Although I'm not saying you wasn't. I think you should leave as it rarely goes back after that point he will now reach a new acceptable level of behaviour. X

@Laura no offense but this is a horrible take. He should have been helping her give her a son a bath instead of playing a damn video game. So what she pulled the plug . She could have said or done anything and this man would still behave like that.

@Jonna I disagree. I have been through this. Part of recovering afterwards will also be spotting behaviours where you pushed buttons for a reaction perhaps. It doesn't excuse hitting. But we cant say without the escalation if it would have happened or not. Its about realising toxic and healthy behaviours in both of you. He should have helped her with the bath. But again that should be a conversation. Your not going to force someone to bath a baby if they don't want too. So then it's thinking do you want to be in that relationship. Not reacting in a way that will escalate aggressive behaviour. Besides we don't know the entire situation. Had he just come home from work... all I'm saying is very often in abusive relationships there are toxic traits on both sides. Although nothing can ever excuse physical abuse. But it's important to recognise those traits in yourself too so you don't repeat them in your next relationship.

@Laura im sure you mean well but it really sounds to me like victim blaming! She could have set the bloody game on fire and it still wouldn’t be enough for a man to be physically violent towards a woman, especially the mother of your child while physically holding your baby. Really taken back by the fact you could say she escalated the situation. If you are reading this… none of this is your fault. Absolutely none of it.

As a victim myself of domestic violence and helping victims as a social worker it is never the victims fault. @Laura not sure who told you this information of taking into account what you did to escalate situations with partners but that is untrue. Anyone who engages in any form of abuse whether verbal, emotional, physical or financial will escalate regardless of what the individual being abused does. For the individual who posted this you are not alone and I understand how tough it is. You are so brave and strong don’t ever forget it.

@Ashleigh thank you Ash🤍

@Jonna thank you Jonna🤍

@Laura I hope one of your family members goes through the same. And you keep this same energy. You’re weird! And you really didn’t need to comment on this post. Also my son and I have been out the house for 9hrs visiting my mom. When we got home, we only stayed in the house for 5mins before he hit me. He works remotely, and gets off work at 5. We got home at 7. He had 2 free hrs and all the hrs in between his meetings to play the damn game. So please Karen. Ppl like you are the reason why victims don’t speak up.

Of course!💜

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@Nikki Thank you Nikki🤍

Go as soon as you can and don't go back. Tell your circle and wider circle what has happened. Take photos of any marks on your body for the police. You are a good mother and so brave.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My last relationship was heavily abusive and I got really hurt. Well done for seeking help because I found it incredibly difficult to do that myself and I ended up staying in the relationship way longer than I should’ve. I think it’s important you leave and try find someplace safe to go, whether that be with family or friends. Unfortunately this behaviour will never stop, abusive people never change and for me it ended up getting worse. The fact he did this whilst you were holding your child too is disgusting and I’m so sorry. You and your son deserve so much better than this and it’s something your son doesn’t need to be around. I look back at my ex and I wish I had called the police on him and reported him for the way he treat me as it ended up getting worse to the point he threatened to kill me. Your son will be watching you both whilst growing up and this behaviour is definitely something you don’t want him to witness / think is okay xxx

Oh god I'm so sorry for you and your baby, that is vile. Like all these other ladies have said, you need to leave. If you're in the UK there are lots of women's refuges and helplines to help get you out. Do you have transport to get you away from him safely?

@Ashleigh absolutely and I said that. It's just a very emotional topic. But because certain behaviours are not addressed on both sides many women repeat the patterns in other relationships.

@Nikki I was a victim of domestic abuse and took my ex husband to court for it. So I had advice from domestic abuse charity workers. I also went to counselling for a long time. So as for who told me that information, very experienced and qualified professionals. It will never be ok and nothing that she could ever do or I ever did could justify physical abuse. But if you take a situation that is volatile and you keep escalating a situation unfortunately because we are dealing with people it makes domestic abuse much more likely. Or even if you take the domestic abuse out of it there are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with situations. I would not have even said that if she was in hospital. But this has escalated from verbal to physical. And there was a clear build up to it. So when this lady goes into her next relationship she will have to recognise that the best approach to a situation wouldn't be for example, If you ask someone to do something and they are building a puzzle and they say no.

Do you then throw the puzzle everywhere? Is that behaviour ok?

Hey OP, I have actually been the victim of domestic abuse and narcissistic abuse. My ex husband was charged by police and taken to court. I have been supported by local DA charities and went to counselling myself for a long time. I said that no matter what was done that nothing could justify physical abuse. I just highlighted that the behaviour of ripping out a lead when things are heated could escalate things. That's not excusing his behaviour. But part of healing will be looking at the relationship as a whole and seeing where unhealthy behaviours may have escalated things. Many women repeat the patterns because of low self worth and also not addressing their own unhealthy behaviours. Thats just the reality of it. We only get a small part of the story. I just picked up on that one thing. Which by means justified you being physical hit. But everything else I said has been lost. Maybe when you get into your next relationship or through counselling you will have a better understanding of what I mean.

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