Going from one child to two- Multiple Mamas👶🏽👶🏽

Hey mamas! I have a 3 year old boy and a 5 week old baby girl. I’m finding the transition from 1 to 2 a major adjustment. I feel like the way I parent has had to shift and I’m wondering if other mothers have felt this? So when it was just my son, I did the things I needed to for his care but it’s always been about play and bonding. So each task was filled with fun and quality time. When I have both children together for the evening/bedtime shift I’m finding that there isn’t time/space to give either child the kind of experience I want them to have. The evenings are my baby girls fussy period and it’s also the bedtime routine for my toddler. She wants to sleep on me and be held for the duration. He needs to be fed, bathed, and put to bed. She’s crying as she wants to be held, I’m speeding up bathing my toddler so I can hold her (no time for boats and bath games). She’s now really upset- I rock her to sleep quickly and put her back in the rocker. She wakes up 2-3 minutes later because the rockers not me. At this point my son wants me to read our usual 2-3 books but I can’t turn the pages as baby girl is back in my arms screaming…. We all get the picture 😂😂😂. So by the end of the shift, yes my son is in bed and yes my baby girl is sleeping but the quality of my ‘mothering’ feels like it’s had to cut so many corners to just try and survive the tasks. Not to mention the mama guilt for my sweet newborn when I’m not able to respond in the way she would want immediately. Feels like I have to ’abandon’ one child for the needs of another. ‘Ignoring’ one child to finish care elsewhere. Can’t say I like how all of that feels. Guilt in all directions 😂🤦🏾‍♀️. Can anyone relate? Any advice? Xx

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Hugs💓 I have a 4 year old and 6 week old and could have written this myself x

I have a 3.5 year old and a 4 week old and I feel exactly the same way! It’s so hard, you just want to tear yourself into two. You feel major mum guilt for your eldest but went to give your newborn what you gave your eldest too! I have tried to learn in the past few days to chill out a bit, it is what it is - it will get better. Both children will adjust and you will get there. I also find having some 1:1 time on the weekend when my husband is home makes me feel better and is beneficial to my eldest! Feel free to message me cos I’m struggling with this a lot. And my newborn will only contact nap which makes everything so hard, it’s like she’s constantly glued to me whilst I’m trying to entertain my eldest and make sure he doesn’t feel left out! Xxx

Also feel exactly the same and my patience for each is lower too ☹️ mine are 4 weeks and 2 years. And really miss the 1:1 time with my toddler we used to have

2.5yr old and 3 week old and couldn’t relate more. Though my mental response to your post was a lot more compassionate than I am to myself in my head ! X

Totally relate. Also the usual sleep deprivation with the newborn is making it harder to engage with play. I hope you're ok. Thanks for posting this - it's really validating to know I'm not alone xx

@Arianna hugs right back to you mama xxxx

@Clair I understand completely! It’s such an adjustment. And totally agree that when hubby is home it really does take that edge off. Extra pair of hands so we can get in more 1:1 time. My husband told me something last week that really resonated with me- that to teach our eldest patience, to wait their turn and to hold extra value to the times we do have 1:1. So maybe now I won’t be able to read him a story 7/7 days a week. But the 3/4 days I can will feel more valuable. Xxx

@Ciara omg yes! My patience that first month in particular was not there at all! I felt SO upset with myself for this because I’m not a ‘snappy mama’. but I caught myself with very little scope for my toddler not listening for the 4th time when baby girl is crying the house down 😅🤦🏾‍♀️.

@Steph understand you mama! I find that my guilt is easing up the more I realise… this is chaos and anarchy 😂😂.So my idea of seeming like a ‘polished mum of 2’ is an idea from the fairyland of make believe 😂😂😂.

@Lakesha haha. “this is chaos and anarchy” 💯

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