question

Might it be worth telling your child that you could and should have done a better job at choosing a man who was worthy of being a father? I don't think it hurts to take some responsibility there otherwise your LO might start to think that she wasn't good enough for daddy when in reality he wasn't ever fit to be her father

@Catherine not necessary to say.

@Catherine 😭 dude what? Its probably not her fault. Most of the time we get with people who we think is the one or ideal and then they turn out to be horrible

Not saying it's her fault but on reflection were there really no red flags? Taking a little bit of responsibility wouldn't hurt imo

@Catherine that’s why I said it wasn’t necessary to say. You don’t know her situation and instead of asking you jump straight into criticizing. My bd was alright until I got pregnant and then he became abusive. Are you gonna say that’s my fault too and I need to take responsibility for that or what?

@Catherine what if there wasn’t any red flags? And he was just an a-hole randomly?

If you're going to tell your child that her dad wants nothing to do with her I would maybe accompany that with an apology that you didn't give her the dad she deserved - hope that clarifies what I'm saying

@Catherine funny you may say that, but for a lot of relationships. it starts off great the person is great and you think you’ve chose the perfect partner. i had been with him for over three years and it wasn’t till this year it all changed with his priorites. can’t blame the partner especially when they tried to make it work🤷‍♀️

@Catherine well obviously. but there will be a day when she turns 18 and may want to find her dad and then a real explanation is needed

@Catherine my partner was great and known him for eight years. And it all hit the fan one day saying he wanted nothing to do with his son and all this awful stuff. I didn’t choose wrong he showed his true colors. She might I’ve had a similar situation- it’s not her fault.

@Gabriela Roca my honest response? I think it's unlikely that someone's entire personality just changes randomly one day for no reason. Either he was like that from the beginning and you didn't notice the red flags, or something happened for him to suddenly start neglecting his child. I'm sure I'll get more people jumping down my throat for this but I'm just saying what I think is best for the Mum-Child relationship. I'd have way more respect for my Dad if he could just admit he chose a sh*tty partner instead of playing the innocent victim who had no agency the whole time. Just one woman's opinion 🤷

My biggest fear is having my son taken from me in a car accident with his homies or something. Or becoming a drug addict

@Jessa meee every time I'm in the car with my daughter

@Catherine it is possible for people to hide who they are until they figure they got the person forever. It's a common abuse tactice

@Lexi ppl don't hide for 2 years.. they hide for shorter periods of you are barely seeing each other and not living together.. etc .. saying u know a person for 5yrs.. no context. Not true. Ppl are blind and delusional in love.. mostly girls. Almost always dreamland girls, just way it is. Fantasy of perfect man , perfect Disney wedding etc etc. If red flag hit ppl in face they run towards it until wedding day and get ring.. and still live in delusion. The person writing face no context either. Is he drunk dad, drugs dad, didn't want be a dad but oops she slipped? Did he change his mind, dad.. or just here for good time not long time dad?? we will never know. I had this situation and I can admit, I didn't take enough time to choose, I looked at hard working, kind, family guy, etc etc etcbut too quick. U need at least 2yrs to know a person . At least. But in 6 months you know and dude knows if your worth marrying or u r his woman... girls dream it on day 1 with zero data history or bare minimum

@Aliyah not true I've known people who hide who they are until the woman is pregnant or married. A lot of abuse story's are that way.

@Catherine I think you're not alone in ur thinking few think this way, agreed. They jump my way as well. Some are way too young or just really have that I'm pretty and entitled and they got tricked. .. nmm m really? Really though .. did they really trick you Good or were u really wanting it to be the one, the ring , the wedding, or just wanted the baby so.. it's sad 😔 all way but sad for kid ... the kid suffers the most. Even abusive men. All you need is one time, not multiple times to know the guy is a bad guy. Same with cheating, drinking, p party ppl.. they not trying settle. They out there living life until they get past 35 or 40s.. that's if they even bother to settle their ways.

I wont be explaining anything. Its his dad fault, thats his pill to swallow

Is @Catherine really that wrong for suggesting that she take some responsibility? I think it's empowering to take responsibility for a part we play in bringing a child into the world whether we believe it's our fault it didnt work our or not. I hope my daughter is capable and willing to take responsibility for any part she may play in bringing another life into this world or in any event that may occur.

Can y’all let it go omg. Y’all not even answering the question. She didn’t ask for any advice, she didn’t ask about taking accountability. Worry about yourself and what y’all do since y’all so perfect.

My biggest fear is my ex taking my kid from me by either kidnapping or killing him

@Lexi sounds like a disturbing 😳 situation. Is he lebanese, Arab or Muslim or something? No one wants to kidnap kids .. not much benefit and unless they change with marriage or pregnancy... well.. did u know them long enough , did they want permanent residency or benefit citizenship.... unless your rich or they profit from keeping you around. I can't see ppl isolating as often unless ur sex slave, the bread winner woman making all money and giving to him... status symbol.. cook for him, be his mommy etc Sorry hear your fears dear.. be careful. Don't think about it and breathe it into reality. And play nice as possible.. as in pretend. Guys are unpredictable when they want revenge, especially if it's about their child.

@Aliyah no he's a narcissistic abusive man. And unfortunately I'm not sure what he's capable of anymore.