Discipline

We had a conversation before we had kids. Spanking was a hard no for me, he thought sometimes a quick spanking might be needed and I said no. It wasn't something I was willing to compromise on, we don't spank our kids. Sometimes we still have disagreements but we talk it out and decide on the most appropriate way to discipline.

My fiance and I have disagreements as to how to parent. He prefers physical discipline, I don’t. Separation won’t stop him from doing what he believes. So I have led by example and he sees how much better our daughter does with me and has incorporated a lot of techniques. It’s not perfect but we have made a lot of progress!

@Sara we had the conversation before kids also and we’re never really on the same page, but we never really thought about the topic. But now we have two kids, and he is saying he wants to start disciplining by hitting and I am completely against that, I told him I’m gonna divorce before I let him hit my kids in front of me, and said that compromisable to me about alternatives or compromise he is super defensive and won’t hear it.

@Sara what alternative methods have you guys had success with?

@Dayna yeah I’m not sure what to do. He’s not going to change, he hasn’t spanked or hit our toddler yet but he says he wants to start “lightly Popping him” when he screams. I’m against that, he’s a toddler, and when he’s doing something he should I say no and firmly Move his hands away and direct him away from the object or task and he cries and hugs me, he gets the message just fine. He’s not even 2. He’s learning how to communicate still. But I’m also Not willing to watch my husband walk up and spank my Child and then have them come to me for comfort or listen to his guilt about it later. I’m not willing to see the hurt on my child’s face when one of the most important people in the world lays their hands On them and inflicts pain. So I’m Not sure what to do, use my methods and hope my husband sees it’s effective and chooses to do the same or wait until he uses violence and it will break my heart and then I’ll have to deal with it or get a divorce?

It depends on what they're doing and if their response is age appropriate. My kids are 5 and 3 and neither of them have ever done anything to warrant serious discipline. In general though timeouts, or removing them from the situation have been enough to redirect their behavior. I can't imagine one of them doing something at this age that would be serious enough to need to be physically punished for. I'm sorry, it sounds like you're in a tough situation maybe counseling would help?

@Sara exactly and if you can’t imagine 3/5 year old needing physical discipline what would warrant an 18 month old physical discipline? His mother makes comments also about popping him if he keeps yelling and I don’t know how to have the talk with her that she will not be hitting my son. We tried therapy in the past for communication problems but only made it through two sessions, due to my work schedule and a crazy reschedule fee with the company. I’m hesitate to bring it up again because he thinks it’s a sham. I am starting myself next week though just for me I had my first consultation appointment already

Well it sounds like he’s all talk but not really doing anything. Continue employing your methods in front of him and if he ever does his way, I’m sure he’d see it doesn’t work nearly as well. My fiance actively started when she was young and crawling — per his moms advice

Try time outs instead

Yes we talked about this before getting married and continue to have convos about it as our children grow. It’s been one of the main parenting things we disagree on. Originally he had a more hard line about discipline but now that we have a 2 year old he loves I don’t think he would actually spank her. He gets on me for being too easy with her and I get annoyed with him for being too harsh on her.