What do you guys think about the ethical side of surrogacy?

Lately online I have been seeing women demonize/ condem surrogacy. They say its “ripping a poor baby away from its mother”. I have a friend who I offered to surrogate for because she had her fertility taken from cancer. They said not only that she doesnt deserve a baby, but called me a bad mom for thinking its ok to be a surrogate. I tried to explain that it would be hers biologically, but they went on and on about babies liking the amniotic scent on the nipples and how its basically child trafficking. Now im curious to know if its just a crazy little corner of social media I found my self on, or if normal people actually agree.
Share Mobile
  • Share

Show your support

That’s just crazy. What about families who adopt? It’s horrible that people would speak that way about people wanting a family when they’re physically unable to. Intensive AF.

@Samantha They told me that adoption is different because its not “purposely orchestrated”. Yea its super insensitive and easy to sit there with your own baby and say no one deserves a baby.

Oh wow wtf. What a beautiful and selfless thing you’ve done for your friend. That baby’s mom is your friend. They will know her scent as they will be with her. Thats awful what they said to you. Definitely a crazy corner you found yourself in. So many moms adopt newborns so I don’t see this as any different just that you carried her with their genes to gift a beautiful baby to them. You were the beautiful stork that gave them life!!

Biological it’s her child. And not every women even breastfeeds her child. And …… you can produce breastmilk without ever being pregnant…. So people need to shit up about things they have no knowledge to

I'm on the fence about surrogacy. But not because of the "ripping baby from mother" more because of all the kids that need homes and don't get them. I feel the same way about having kids in general. I think more people need to adopt instead of trying so hard to have biological kids. I personally never wanted any kids of my own and planned to foster/adopt, but I had a surprise pregnancy. I know logically, though it's hard to deal with the trauma of an adopted kid, and that's the main reason I'm not anti surrogacy. And I definitely think the people who said those things to you were completely out of line

I don’t believe in surrogacy or think it’s ethical so I just might be a crazy person.

surrogacy is a beautiful thing and if i didn’t absolutely hate being pregnant i would do it for a couple

And who are they? And why it matter what they think lol? Sound like this they is a male who don’t got the parts 👀

Part of me wants to say God created man and women to create life and for both to become parents to that child but the other part says God has also created people to invent and create so if the natural way was no longer possible I wouldn’t judge if they tried an alternative approach such as surrogacy, adoption, etc

@Kylie I think having a biological kid then adopting one is the way to go. A lot of kids who need adopting have issues and needs that are better suited to an experienced parent. Im not saying that an inexperienced parent shouldnt adopt, I just feel that in the perfect scenario one would have thier own kids then adopt later when said kids are out of the house or much older.

@San No its this page I follow on instagram about motherhood, and the woman is a dula. Anyways she did a post on it and said most people want to traffick kids and as a surrogate your being exploited and a source of kids for traffickers. I explained to her that although im sure that happened somewhere somehow, its not the majority of cases and explained to her about my friend and how other people simply cant concieve but would be great mothers.

@Patience I havent been her surrogate yet! I offered to her because she wants a child and they told her she cant carry but her eggs were viable. She wants to get her life and career in order first.

I see no issue with it. If you can provide financially and provide proper love and care then why can’t someone have a child? I’ll never understand why some think “it’s gods will if you can’t get pregnant!” It’s just weird.. if you wanna adopt then adopt if you wanna have a surrogate then do so. It’s no different than in the Bible when men would have a concubine…idk that’s just my opinion lol

Personally I don’t see why people would pay to have a woman and baby go through that when there are plenty of children that are already born and in need of a home.

The trafficking part is definitely something valid to be cautious about though but you’re willing to do it with a friend it’s under a different circumstance

Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.


Trusted by 5M+ women

Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.


Trusted by 5M+ women


I think surrogacy is unethical in nearly all instances and should be illegal.

@Samantha I think DIA adoption (particularly in the US) is unethical. There is ways to have ethical adoption. A 24 billion dollar annual privatized business that specializes in legal human trafficking isn’t it.

@Summer I think that adoption is amazing and I will when my son is late teens to out of the house. I think that its best for the parent and adoptive kid if the parent has some experience. Alot of these kids have issues and trauma that would benefit from a more experoenced parent, and a mor experienced parent will do better them selves. I also understand wanting to have a child that resembles you.

@SquishyMommy1 What about it particularly is unethical?

@Honor surrogacy? I also think sperm, egg and embryo donation is unethical also. Separation trauma at birth is very real. It doesn’t matter if the surrogate is the biological parent or not. Babies don’t know the carrier isn’t their biological parent. All they know and experience is the removal and trauma of that separation at birth from the person who grew and birthed them.

@SquishyMommy1 Thats an argument that was brought up. I dissagree. Firstly I dont buy that a loving mother right after birth is traumatic simply because it wasnt the birther. Also, I have known plenty of women who were terrible mothers, and they got to be moms even though the child would have been better off with an adopted mom. I know that any child would be lucky to have my friend as a mom. I feel like the whole birth trauma separation thing is dramatic tbh 🤷🏽‍♀️ being born is traumatic. Whats your issue with egg and sperm donation?

@Honor you can disagree but there’s scientific evidence that separation trauma is real. While most of the research has been done in adoptees (surrogacy is still relatively new) that doesn’t change what is the reality of separation trauma at birth. Egg and sperm donation creates children with trauma like adoptees have. Only it’s worse. Because it was a purposeful creation of a person who will have these issues. I encourage you to join some adult surrogacy born and donor conception groups. They are the experts on how it feels to be a child born from this. And it greatly changed my perspective after I learned from, listened to and opened my mind to the adults who have the lived experience of being surrogacy born/donor conceived

I am planning on becoming a surrogate after we are done having children. I think it’s something that it a very personal choice. Some people can’t do it or even imagine doing it. I think that the reasons you are wanting to do it are amazing and your friend is so lucky to have you as a friend!

It’s other people who are crazy! Surrogacy is a beautiful thing and if both teams are happy with their decision there’s absolutely no harm in it.

I think surrogates are strong because a lot of the time they carry a child and feel no emotional connection, me personally I’m confused on how. Not only that but you’re going to give birth to someone else’s child. You mean to tell me you’re going through the pain of birth and it’s not even yours. Strong. Because I can’t. And the fact that someone said they didn’t deserve a kid when they just out here surviving cancer and that’s the reason they can’t have kids is wild and messed up. If people are being a surrogate just for the money I mean I get it but also they need to be making sure they have the right couples but also most people go through agencies so idk why child trafficking was the first worry because that’s probably on the case for like 2% of surrogacy outcomes. And separation trauma… babies can smell their mother, not very clear on whether it’s the person who birthed them or their mother so you can’t really throw that out there without knowing for sure.

@SquishyMommy1 Link the studies then. Because the studies I found said that children concieved with a surrogate or who were adopted as babies only had psychological health issues when their intended parents were not open, honest, and positive about thier birth. Just because *some people may feel traumatized by being adopted or born to a surrogate, but alot of people are traumatized by thier birth parents and would have fared better in a different home. Youd need to prove that there is a disproportionate number of psychologically disturbed adopted newborns and surrogate born children whos parents positively and honestly explained thier origin to them for your point to be valid. I think its very easy to sit there with your fertility in tack and your children and cast such harsh judgement on those who dont have the same priveledges as you. I also think your perspective would be different if you werent so priveliged.

I know a number of people who agree with this, but I don’t. I do believe the facts are correct in that the baby learns your heartbeat as they grow in the womb and it could be potentially ‘traumatizing’ when they’re first born, but not that it would be a lasting trauma at all. I think it’s an incredibly selfless act to do for a woman who can’t carry her own child for whatever reason, but that it could cross the moral boundary if it was for a superficial reason (like the mother doesn’t want to ruin her body for example).

@Necole I love my friend and she deserves everything I have and more. You ever know someone and you realize they are a better person in every way than you? Hows someone gonna say she dont deserve to mother her own flesh and blood? Im not gonna discount maybe surrogate born children know the person caring for them isnt thier birther, but Im saying that they do know when the person caring for them is thier mom. My own baby wasnt sold on me for weeks lol. He would look around and at me super unsure and questioning. I feel like I really had to earn his love and trust.

@Honor you should’ve seen the way she looked at her dad. My daughter does this thing when she meets someone new she stares at them one eyebrow raised like she’s trying to figure out who you are. Most hilarious thing ever. I hope your friend does end up going through with it later in life when she’s ready. And I thank you for being willing to do something like that for a friend.

Read more on Peanut