I feel bad for hitting my husband 😭

My husband always snatches my phone off me, told him numerous times he needs to stop. He always uses his strength to take things of me and I’ve concerned if it’s so annoying. Today I was not in the mood and he pulled my trousers down whilst I was doing the dishes, I’ve obviously made it clear that I don’t like when he does this? He thinks it’s funny to do. He’s done is a couple of times. Anywyas I flipped and said what the hells wrong with him and he continued to laugh and then once I shouted at him that I don’t like it and what not then he became quiet. We then went into bed and my lamp was on n he got of his phone and was going to fall asleep, he told me to turn my lamp off even though I’m not ready to sleep. I said no I want it on. And he kept telling me to turn it off I repeatedly said it’s on my side, and it’s my lamp I can keep it on if I like, he went in to say he can’t sleep with it on ect and I said you can look the other way and close your eyes. He then came onto my side and turned the lamp of. I turned it back on. He then came back and tried to snatch my whole lamp whilst I was making sure it was still on the table and he snatched it of me trying to take my lamp away. Right now I got angry and started shouting and swearing saying “stop being controlling and ect” and he kept holding onto it whilst I’m still shouting I then hit him on the arm and he let go off it. I feel really bad that I hit him on the arm it was my first time hitting him. I just feel like he does things to rile me up. I’m not usually a person who swears but ever since being in a relationship with him he’s brought that out of me whilst I’m angry over things he does. Do I need anger management? I just feel like ever since I’ve been pregnant I’m easily fed up with all the stuff he does to me and won’t take shit. I’m a calm person I’m usually relaxed and chill but I just don’t know
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Honestly it sounds like you need to leave him. He sounds so controlling and toxic it's not good for you or baby

I couldn't live with him. I would leave too. Especially because your baby deserves better!

I also cannot sleep with the lamp on, it has nothing to do with being controlling… Pulling your trousers down is just so childish and stupid though …

My baby was and still like this as well and I ended up slapping him, and you would think he learn his lesson not to annoy me taking my phone from my hand, I don’t have nothing to hide but if I’m watching something or scrolling thru social do not snatch it from him resulting me hitting him again, and I did really feel bad, like is not me I am not this person, he always brings out the worst out of me and at the end we broke up as it became to much, even tho we not together and have a child together he still does it to this day it’s something that will never change

He pulled your trousers down? Is he 8?? What the hell! I'd be pissed off at him, too. My ex used to rile me up to the point where I would react physically. His thing was backing me into a corner or holding me down so I felt like I couldn't escape during an argument. I ended up lashing out several times and he made me feel like I was a monster for years. After leaving him I found that all the frustration and anger left me and I've never lashed out with my husband. Your partner sounds toxic and controlling. I know it's not always practical to suggest leaving, especially when you're pregnant, but I'd tell him that you're really unhappy and if he doesn't change his immature behaviour then you will leave. Stick to that though.. if he doesn't change, you have to go ❤️

Sounds like last realtionship I become somone I was not comfortable being and was constantly fighting my self internally. Becuse of very simular to above. I never one to say leave instead of trying to work things out first but in this case I think if you tired and he is still not listening you need to leave. For you and baba ❤️

If lm honest, it can obviously come across as controlling… the lamp situation, I kinda get why he would be wound up that you wouldnt turn it off but i also don’t agree with how he handled the situation. Everything else I can attribute to my relationship. My partner used to do (and sometimes still does when he forgets himself 😅) all those sorts of things and I genuinely got to the point of leaving him because I just couldn’t be the butt of his jokes all the time, it became very demeaning. I spoke to him and needed to be very hard and harsh about the situation, this needs to be separate from when hes in a mood to wind up though… then all hes thinking is youre a spoil sport for ruining his fun 😅 i spoke to my partner and told him how it made me feel and that he needs to stop but i will not tolerate it anymore. The key message to get across is ‘I am not your mate, I am your girlfriend’ Childish men exist and I wouldnt change mine for the world, he will make the most amazing Dad…….

Because he still has such a sense of adventure and fun and creativity which i lost by maturing. Hes not scared of getting hurt doing fun stuff, he loves playing with toys with kids and immature jokes and has this cheeky side that make him and I vastly contrasting parents that just work so well. I dont think being childish is inherently a reason to leave someone but absolutely something that needs addressing when his outlet is directed in the wrong place…. I know this was an enormous ramble…. Hope some of it makes sense! 😅

I understand that you would feel bad especially since you’re usually a calm person. But you do need to make him understand, you dont like or appreciate that kind of behaviour. There’s a lot going on for you during pregnancy, you’re growing another person, your hormones are surging, your body is changing, all of it. Tell him how his behaviour is not helping and you’re doing 2 jobs at any one time, and if it doesn’t change then, you’ll rethink your relationship. I hope that helps a little.

The lamp thing is fair, I can't sleep with any speck of light in the room unless it's natural sunlight or I'm deliriously tired. That said the way you two are treating each other isn't healthy in any way, shape or form. How old is he? He's about to be responsible for a child and he's being immature af and a piece of shit partner. Your reactions are normal right now, you're quite literally marinading in hormones. Our brain tissue actually shrinks during pregnancy, in the tissue that manages emotion, memory, decision making etc. He needs to grow the fuck up and create a calm environment for you or fuck right off! My partner has been a massive dick multiple times in this pregnancy and I made it clear to him I will not tolerate it, I told him to educate himself on what I'm going through and what I'm going to continue to go through after the baby is born and act accordingly or he won't be here. All they have to fucking do when we're pregnant is accommodate us more than usual, that's IT.

@Eva he does it and it and makes me feel so low, it’s so embarassing. First time I ever seen that behaviour with him is when he done it with his aunties kids and I remmeber telling him off because I didn’t find that behaviour funny allst whilst play fighting with them stepping on them with one foot. None of his family around said anything. Only I didn’t find this tolerable

@Eva the thing is I always turn the lamp off whilst I’m still awake and he says he wants to go to sleep, I left it on the lowest light and the one time I say no I wanna keep it on he’s forcing me to turn it off… snatching it away

@Lucy we’ve only been married 6 months and at the start of our marriage there was already so many problems 😭

@Amber he is 27 and I am 21… he is so not creating a calm environment for me, this is my first pregnancy I feel like all I’ve done is be so stressed because of him, I’m literally crying every other night because of arguments with him, I feel like I’m on a emotional rollercoaster. I feel sick from my stomach. This pregnancy and I believe it’s somewhat because of him has made me feel suicidal and deppressed.. I’ve self harmed. I feel like I’m self sabotaging not thinking about the baby growing inside of me, I just feel so bad bringing this baby with how our relationship is, I want my child to be in a healthy environment

Having read your responses to other comments lovely it seems you just arent happy. I do stand by what I said but by the sounds of it you just need to leave for the safety of yourself and your baby. If you’re having suicidal thoughts and are self harming then please reach out to someone for support and explain to them your reasons and ask someone for help to lean on during this time

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@Sophie I do like his playfulness nature but sometimes it gets soo much and overwhelming because he does tooo much

I know I understand that completely. Thats why I would have originally suggested what i did before and discuss it with him. You absolutely could still do that but considering you’re already at a point of self harm I would say this has kind of gone too far. Obviously youre the only one who is actually in your position we can all only advise but you could talk to him or you could leave but certainly some measure of action needs to happen

I agree with your husband over the lamp thing. I wouldn't be able to sleep with a light on either. We have a projector in our bedroom & a light strip over it & I always ask my husband to turn the light strip off when I'm going to sleep, so he does. All the other stuff your husband does is childish though.

He's so much older than you he should know better, his brain is fully developed by his age so unless there's mental health issues at play he needs to address then this is who he is! I feel your pain so hard, pregnancy is such a hard time as it is and a partner making it worse is actually soul destroying. Please speak to your midwife/antenatal team about prenatal mental health support, please don't suffer with these thoughts and feelings on your own 🙏🏻 whatever you decide to do about your partner, you and the baby come first, try and make that your mantra going forward 🩷

The lamp thing was handled poorly on both sides I'd say, if it's a genuine problem for him he shouldn't be raising it in this way and you should be having a conversation to reach some kind of agreement. If you tend to stay up later and read you could do it elsewhere or you could use a blue-light free / low light globe in your lamp. If it was a once off or he was going to sleep earlier than usual that's another story. But definitely an actual conversation (and apology) is the way to go about resolving this issue in your shared space. The pants thing is in my view disrespectful and not okay if he's continuing to do that after you've told him you don't like it. It's almost violating so I'm a bit triggered by it. Again, I think a serious conversation is needed there. If little things like this are coming up all the time its hard to manage though. Maybe you're both tired and irritable or not getting quality time together? What are your love languages and are you showing love for each other? Good luck xx

Your partner sounds like a bully, I would calmly put very very firm boundaries and say: when you do this, it makes me feel x, and I won't tolerate it. You cannot do that again. What a child. My husband once pulled my trousers down while doing the dishes and I lost my shit. Worst fight we had ever had, I called him a bully, and that he was humiliating me out of nowhere. What an idiot. I don't like how he uses his force on you. He needs to talk and not get physical, that would make me very uneasy. 😔

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