I feel so miserable

I'm not really sure where to start. I've just had my 3rd and he is by far the hardest baby out of them all. He was my 3rd emergency section. Recovery was hard. The amount of tablets i was on caused me a stomach ulcer which added to my pain and healing time. The first 7 weeks of his life was all the symptoms of cows milk protien allergy and being ignored by drs. It was a constant fight to get them to listen to me. At 8 weeks he was finally diagnosed by a dietician and was put on the right milk and his symptoms cleared up. Then it was trapped wind, changed bottles and spent a small fortune trying to find one's that worked, alongside infacol, dentinox, gripe water. Then constipation came. Days of screaming in pain, inconsolable. Finally pooped.. now its trapped wind again, what seems like teething pain and congestion which is stopping him from sleeping for any longer than 15mins. I know he's not having a great time either but COME ON?! when are we just going to have a baby we can enjoy. It's been utterly shit from the moment he was born. I feel like I'm running on empty. My partner helps where he can as he's a shift worker, but that's taken weeks of nagging and almost splitting up for him to see I'm drowning in it and need his support. Our family all live miles away, no one just a nip round the corner. The closest is an hours drive out. I feel so trapped, so much resentment and regret. I feel awful for it. Other than his cmpa we have a healthy baby, but I just spend most days wishing we'd not had him. My life was stressful before, so what on earth made me think a 3rd wasn't going to overfill the cup too much??! I'm not really sure what this post will achieve other than getting how I feel off my chest and written down. Has anyone else felt the same? I feel like such an awful mum.
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My first was also a cmpa baby and extremely exhausting. He is now a 21 month old toddler and remains exhausting although we love him very much. He just never stops. My daughter has been much easier although she also has bad reflux (really hope not cmpa again). I would never have a third one so I ll agree, what the hell were you thinking? 😅 Jokes aside, stay strong and I am sure things will get easier and it will be lovely to see their bond. ❤️

This sounds really tough. Don't feel guilty about your feelings, it all sounds way too much. I can't think of much practical stuff to suggest but hang in there, it will hopefully get easier soon. Any friends who could help a little bit?xxx

Don’t feel guilty for having those thoughts, thoughts like that are intrusive and you can’t control them. They will be louder too when you are at your wits end. It sounds horrific, my second is proving harder than my first so I get that part. But what you are dealing with take comfort that it is temporary, this is the hard part and now we are finally at the point that every week should hopefully get a little better and easier as their bodies are maturing. There will obviously be setbacks, illnesses, regressions, changes which make them more irritable etc. but overall we are hopefully on the upwards trajectory now!!! And you will look back and it will seem crazy you ever thought it would be better without having the third ❤️

Thank you everyone 💕 posting this in the early hours I was SOBBING. Reading your replies has made me feel so seen and understood. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to reply 😘 xx

@Elsa my first 2 were cmpa too. I'm clearly a glutton for punishment 🙃😅

@Jane I have 1 friend, she's the best but she has 3 kids of her own and works full time. I couldn't bare to put anymore on her plate xxx

@Amelia when he's smiling and we're bonding its lovely. In that moment I don't doubt why I had him. But that sleep deprivation and that LOUD crying at 3am just grinds my gears so bad. It feels as though someone may as well be holding a drill to my head 🙃 I promised myself this time round I'd stop wishing away his little years and absorb the moment but all I find myself doing is hating every moment and longing for the next stage to escape the hell I'm in and I feel so guilty and unappreciative of what I have x

Ask your health visitor for the local NHS talking therapy information. I think having a therapist to talk to will really help and they really don't judge. For new mums you get seen quicker. I litrally filled the form in and 2 days later (i would have done it sooner but i kept forgetting)I was booking in my telephone assessment which was 4 days later (that was entertaining to do as my baby suddenly woke up and it's an hour assessment so I was sat distracting trying to listen to what was being asked)

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