Burned out!!

I have an almost 5 year old daughter and I’m super burned out. No help. None. Zip. No family, friends, my husband and I have no relationship but live together and he does nothing (no point in asking or having a talk because I’ve tried everything and that’s whole mother story). I don’t recognize myself. Some don’t even recognize me if they haven’t seen me in years, like their immediate reaction is like “woah” with wide eyes and they play it off and pretend like they didn’t do that. I notice it and it hurts. My family lives out of the country. I tried leaving my husband and going back to my country to start over with my daughter and my family did not make it comfortable for me. They made it so uncomfortable I’d rather stay with my husband and have no relationship than to be with family. Nobody wanted me there and I was even getting calls telling me to go back to the U.S. (I’m from Canada originally so that’s the other country I am referring to). Anyway, I have no help. And I’m losing my mind. Everyday, all day with my toddler no break. I start my day when she goes to sleep at night and even then I’m so tired my brain doesn’t work. The only break I get is when she’s taking a nap. Even then I squeeze in something important that needs to be done or I watch a show and relax until she’s awake. But that doesn’t last more than an hour. I’m lucky if she sleeps an hour and 15 minutes. I’m seriously losing it. I know this is going to sound really mean and terrible, but I am so burnt out I don’t even feel like playing with her anymore. The second I’m not playing with her she’s begging me to play with her and I’m just so freaking TIRED of hearing it!! This is not her fault of course I know that! She is just a kid who is bored and at home w me all day and I live somewhere where it’s freaking hot and I can’t even take her to the playground because everything there will burn her. Playgrounds are empty in our city because of the heat. We can’t afford daycare or a baby sitter. I feel like I’m never gonna be able to pick myself up. Any advice? Plz help I’m going crazy!!

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I have been in your shoes, I want to say first, don’t feel bad about not wanting to play while you are depressed. So long as you are doing what the child needs to stay alive (feeding, sleeping, drinking, generally clean) then focus on that, if you did that, great! Long term it isn’t ideal, so on days it’s hard, but you know you haven’t been playing as much, set a timer, start with 5 minutes, if you can manage more, do more. Sometimes it’s hard, and you might want to give up, run for the hills. Some things that you’ve probably tried would be indoor activities, crafts, finding places around that are indoors where other kids can play for free or at a discount. Obviously surrounding yourself with supportive friends. Call someone and vent. Make a voice note. Journal. My kids are old enough to sit on my bed and watch tv while I shower, so that’s my current anxiety relief. Finding yours might take time. It gets better. Give it time, and hold on for the wild ride. Feel free to message

Sending good energy ✨ I'm sorry you are so stressed. Just some ideas for a very active kiddo who constantly wants to play, my little one is also almost 5yrs. 1. Library events - story time is great, even if I have to sit with him in my lap, we practice sitting still and being tuned into the story teller and it feels good to do that. 2. Specific nature documentaries, bonus for any animal you like or remember, then you can relax but later talk about it ( butterflies life cycle, dogs whatever works ) what's your favorite butterfly? Tell me more about huskies? And you can just let them go ham telling you about it. 3. Online classes - we love some classes and play groups on outschool.com, my little one does need me to sit off camera but he gets to talk to the teacher, to a few other friends, and I can sit and check my phone if I need to or do emails or drink a nice cup of tea or coffee ( these so cost but it's pretty low cost for most fun ones )

I don’t have advice, I wish I could help. I wish I lived where you live. It sounds unbearable at times. Please know you’re not bad for feeling utterly burned out. It’s so normal to feel that way given the circumstances. If you ever need to just talk to someone I’m here. I know I don’t come close to knowing what you’re going through (although my husband works 12 hour days, he does help when he is home), I’m still around any time you need to vent.