Mental load

Has anyone found any successful techniques on getting their other halves to take on some of the mental load? Despite the conversations (agreed needs to help but when it comes to it, doesn’t do it or finish doing it or needs a million reminders), articles and videos on the subject that I send to my husband (watches it but don’t think he takes it in), I am still the one who has to do all the research on everything, on top of the cooking and cleaning and being the only one who can settle our girl. It has really affected our marriage (the resentment is unreal!) and I am so exhausted, some days I just feel physically absolutely weak and am getting very irritated with everything and everyone. I guess I am just trying to figure out if this will ever change or do
I just have to accept that this is my life now.

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thank you Emma. What happens if someone doesn’t complete their jobs? I mean we are all adults, so it’s not like you get in trouble but I feel like I always have to ask and ask and ask.

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We’re a blue and pink job household too for the most part. However we’ve been this way since before kids which made it easier.

I will say I carry the majority of the mental load when it comes to LO however he picks up the slack for this by doing extra around the house which makes it not feel so strenuous

There’s no repercussions for not doing the allocated jobs per se but definitely helps if you want to make life easier for each other. My husband doesn’t want me to feel exhausted so is happy to help as much as possible around the house and in turn I enjoy being the one in control so he lets me take on all the planning and preparing and just goes along with it (even if he doesn’t want to) because I’m happy

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Resentment and placing blame on partner

Firstly, please don’t judge me - I’m aware all my thoughts aren’t rational and I do already feel badly about them

I’m finding myself becoming easily frustrated, annoyed, and placing a lot of blame on my partner for many things. Now I’d get it if he was rubbish but he’s not - he has the baby straight away when he gets home from work, he lets me get ready and shower before he goes to work, he pitches in with the chores and gives me any time I ask for off. He doesn’t go out loads either.

I do a lot of the mental labour - realising we need more of and purchasing clothes, milk, groceries, deciding dinner, cooking, cleaning, thinking about what baby needs, etc.

However I just find myself annoyed and blaming him for so many things I find difficult. I know this isn’t fair, but it’s almost like I’m angry that he’s finding it easy and I’m not. Angry if I’ve just got the baby to sleep and he doesn’t think and closes doors to loudly. Angry when he doesn’t dress baby warm enough, or when he puts him in a car seat with a coat on. When he forgets a blanket or doesn’t wash his hands and plays with him. When hes snoring and I’ve just got the baby to drift off.

We have had many conversations and he has tried to take loads off me but it never feels like enough for me to stop being annoyed with him.

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