Why “friends” never contact me it’s just me.

I’ve been going through a tough time lately after I had a 4th miscarriage. It’s been 4 weeks since I lost the baby and had to have surgery and just now I realized not even one of my friends has texted me to check on me, ask to go out with the kids or even ask how my pregnancy is going (haven’t told them about the miscarriage as no one has seemed to care). On the other hand I’m always the friend who would text you to see how you’re doing and if you need help, build a friendship not only based on the kids but on common interests and hobbies, I would always offer my professional services for free if your family needs it(rare but expensive), I would always arrange play dates (outside or at home), give formula when there was none in the stores and so on. Is it so much to expect at least the bare minimum from friends to for once text first? At the end I’ll just give up on “friends” and enjoy my life without them as this just hurts me emotionally of me always being there for them but them never being there for me. What happened with good friendships and people caring for eachother? Also they’re SAHMs and while this can be hard they don’t do anything more than that and their husbands help a ton (except one which is excused as she’s more busy than me), while I own a business and work from home, (my husband leaves for work at 4am, works till 4pm and then works for our business till 9/10pm so I get 0 help from him even that he would like to help), go to millions of appointments for fertility, renovate our home, take care of our kid all day and still find time for them so my logic is If there’s a will there’s a way. How do you find real friends that actually care and are there for you just like you are for them?
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I know how you feel but I’m a single mum and nobody bothers with me anymore even ones with kids they always say they have no time but then they will easily drop plans to go out drinking with their other mates I don’t understand it at all I guess it just shows how fake people are

@Ebony Thats the thing a text message takes 30sec to send. Everyone on this planet has 30 spare seconds so being “busy”is bullshit to me. The person that writes me the most is getting divorced, has no family in the country, has a 2yo, works all day and works on her Masters in the medical field-now that’s busy and she still finds time sometimes. I remember my mom having all her friends and they raised their kids together and we are still friends to this day. They used to get together, cook big meals, watch each others kids and go on trips together. Even her friends still write me sometimes even that we have 20-30y difference. What happened to this type of friendship?

I know honestly I wish I had this with someone I grew up with my mums mates friends kids and I sometimes speak to them but that’s because I’m doing everything on my own but even then I try find time to message people and ask how they are

I crave that type of friendship where they just get together at each others house and carry the work load together. All while having a good time. I love way to far from every one tho <:(

@Macey I know right. I have a giant fenced yard filled with toys and a playground, big playroom that connects to the kitchen so you can see the kids all the time… they can play and get tired while we cook something fun like cookies or a cheesecake or even start a garden together or trade what we’ve grown. For example this year I planted a berry garden for my kid (100 strawberries, 10 blueberries from the blueberry capital, 5 raspberries and 2 blackberries) and i have way more berries than we can eat so I could’ve shared that or we could’ve even started a small side business selling small plants on the side of the road. I live on a main rd and strawberries spread like crazy. We could’ve done that together for them to have some spare cash. Even homeschooling together would’ve been fun even if they go to normal school on the weekends we could’ve done something fun for the kids with an educational purpose.

That's the sort of friendship I have always wanted ❤️ I thought I had it with 3 people throughout my life but various reasons yet these relationships have failed. One of which was a 20 year friendship🤷‍♀️

Gosh that literally sounds like the dream life 😢 when I get my own home I plan to grow my own garden, be more of a home stead, chickens and all. Your house set up sounds so perfect. Now all that’s missing is the best friend that basically lives there like a home away from home. 😂 it’s nice that there’s other people out there that are like minded tho. It feels so estranged with the people ik irl. Like they’re not on the same page

Reminding myself of this helped me: Not everyone has the same heart as you. While you extend yourself for others, they won't always extend themselves the same way. It's unfortunate, but it helped save me some sanity in situations like this.

@Macey Same. Unfortunately I have just 1ac but in the future we’re hoping to buy the 5ac behind our house that’s a forest with clearings where you can see tons of deer. We’re just starting our garden and I was pregnant till recently I didn’t go big and my parents in law put me to shame with their amazing veggie garden so next year we will do much more + Espalier fruit trees cause let’s face it I’m short :D I badly want chickens but while I can set the hose to water my garden every night I cant feed chickens from a distance if I go on a long vacation so we’re still considering them. My neighbor that’s building a house next to us is very sweet and 6m pregnant and sharing similar interests so I’m really hoping she can be that person honestly. We can trade eggs for berries :D

Aweee so cute!!! I hope y’all become best friends. 🥹 and have tons of little adventures

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