What was your reaction when it happened to you?

I found out at 7 months pregnant that my ex and BD, who I had been separated since I was 2 months pregnant, has an abusive past. I knew something was off with him after I told him I was pregnant. I got pregnant on the first time we did anything, even though I was suffering from endometriosis and waiting for a hysterectomy. I told him all this btw, but he says I lied to him. I have these papers as proof. Before we started dating I thought it was "cute" that he wanted to get married and live together. But that "cute" turned annoyed to downright abusive when I was pregnant. He would throw a tantrum when I was being a functional adult with work and a home to take care of. I even babysat my roommates kids daily! But if I wasn't with him multiple times a week to have sex or spend time with him, he'd throw it in my face and then make comments on how he basically wanted me for sex. Even said he was only sexually attracted to me while using his ex GF as emotional and cuddles. Ugh, he still makes me sick. He even said the kids I helped raise for nearly 7 years are not my family when I was spending a very low energy day with the girl for her 8th birthday. Anywho, I found out that my suspicions were correct on him when his mom found me at a public event. Her neighbour is a mutual friend from a girl I went to high school with, and are still friends with. We've seen each other only a couple times in a public place nowhere near my home. We both agree it's for the best, and she doesn't want to know where I live. She says that he's tried to kill her and his siblings (even his own twin!) on multiple occasions throughout his life. Even as a child. He has records with Children's Aid as a problem child, and with his home town Police as he spent a whole day in a jailcell at only 13 years old for strangling his mother while she was driving the van. It took 3 cops and all 3 of his brothers to try and get him off of her. He's now 31yo, 6'3 and somewhere between 350-400lbs. He's twice my size, and I don't trust him at all near my daughter. The one who he says isn't his. When his mom came to visit me, his ex GF who is his mom's neighbour came with her. She confirmed that he has been abusive with her and many other past GFs. The one who he's been with on and off for the past 10 years (I spotted them together at the store and I bolted! I still panic that he's going to find me!) he's abused her more than the rest, and she's a very sweet girl too, but she keeps thinking he's going to change when they get back together. But, how did you react when you found out your suspensions were right? Did you get away in time? Or are you too afraid? Ps, I think I'm over men.

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Please don’t stay there. Run as fast as you can.

I was too afraid to leave at the time. But I shouldn't have been bc he's the one facing charges for abuse

@Candice she isn’t with him! It says she avoids him at all costs and is scared he’s gonna find her

Honestly have you thought about getting a restraining order? Just in case he does find you

You need to get a protective and restraining order and they should be able to keep the child from him if he’s abusive

@Gillian depending on the state she lives in, you have to have proof he abused you or is harassing you.

@Lexi I live in Canada, and I can get a restraining order but right now we don't know where each other lives, I have him blocked and he's rarely emailing me. Any emails I have I keep. The only way to get a restraining order is to have all the information. And it seems he's once again living in the same end of the city I'm in.

@Kati oh, could you hire a PI to find him? My restraining order in Wisconsin (when I lived there) was denied for lack of evidence- I had it but since I didn't submit it with the paperwork b4 the hearing the judge refused to look at it. She also told me in Wisconsin the law is proof of beating and rape is the only thing they considered for abuse

@Lexi I'm currently on disability for chronic pain diseases that I've had for years. One of the reasons I've been wanting a hysterectomy for the last 4 years, but we had to go through some testings and wait periods first. So I don't have the money to spare for a PI

@Kati Oh. Some people are good at figuring out addresses. I've done it before. If he has any court hearings- his address would be in the database. Sometimes, you can search his addresses. There's a PI website you can use (I think it's like 14 dollars to get any info they scrounge up)

@Lexi that's what I'm scared of. His mom asked for my address and I gave her my mom's. Just cause I don't want mine written down so any of his siblings could get it even if they don't trust them. I do know last year I needed to track down my grandparents friends phone number in Florida (from Canada) cause my grandma was stranded in the US after her passport was stolen. Took a bit, but I found her and got them together. I'm just hoping he doesn't go to that length to find me

@Kati yeah that's why I use my mom's address for court proceedings. My ex has history of stalking and showing up to my house "to talk"

@Lexi my ex did the same thing. I asked my mom for her permission cause hes been to that house once before. But anything that has to do with court or his family, would be going to my parents house. Its not that I don't trust her, I just don't trust him. He's so controlling and manipulating

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