Finally I’m admitting to PND

I’ve been struggling the past few months, and have been in denial and tried to act tough. The truth is, I am depressed. I’m not asking for advice or anything really, just sort of using this app as a vent and anonymous diary entry if you’d like. I love my baby, with all of my heart and more and would not change anything at all for the world. But. Some days, I just feel like I cannot be a mum. I feel like it’s all so much and I can’t keep up with it. I’m doing this for the first time, and solo. I have no one to help me or to give me a break. The only break I have is when he’s asleep for the night, and by that time, I want to sleep myself or rock in silence. I know it won’t be like this forever, but my god it is tough and I find it so hard to pull myself out of it to gain motivation to carry on. The mum guilt eats me alive every night when I know I should have and could have done better. Please someone tell me it does get better?

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I was diagnosed with PND, postnatal depression and postnatal OCD earlier this year - it is horrible and I can completely relate to the feeling like you can’t be a mum, I constantly felt like I was failing and the mum guilt was horrendous. It left me in a really dark place but I can honestly say it does get better. I would reach out to your health visitor or GP and they can refer you to the perinatal mental health team. The team and medication both made a big impact quite quickly on my mental health so would definitely recommend. The dark days are brutal and rough but it does get easier and you don’t need to feel guilty - you are raising a baby on your own whilst also battling mental health and that is huge, you are the best person for your LO and I hope things start to ease soon x

I’ve already been diagnosed with OCD, stress and anxiety pre baby and pregnancy and I definitely feel the OCD symptoms have heightened crazily since having my little boy! It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one; but also not because I’d never wish someone else to feel how I feel! Thank you so much for responding, your words have made a difference and helped reignite the light at the end of the tunnel 🫶🏼

I’m so pleased it’s helped a little - hoping each day gets a little easier for you x