Man advise? From married ladies please!

He has already told you he doesn’t want to be with a single mother and he’s already told you that he doesn’t love you like you do. What else does he need to tell you before you move on? Please have some self respect and move on and find someone who wants to be with you and who will love you.

He’s just not that into you. So blunt and awful to hear but you will find a man that absolutely adores you and you will wonder why the heck you waited so long with this guy. I’m sure he’s a great guy and when you try to leave he will show effort because he won’t want change but in the end he will never be what that true love will be. Therapy can’t make him more into the relationship and it’s actually so great that he’s being honest with you about how he feels rather than saying “yeah yeah one day we will be married” He’s not a bad guy he’s just the wrong guy. It’s going to hurt to lose something you put so much time in but it will be worth it in the end when you walk down that isle to a man that truly adores you and feels so so lucky to have you. Good luck, it’s a tough but rewarding road ahead ❤️

The therapy thing might have thrown me off to but it honestly sounds like a manipulation tactic to keep you from leaving. He has already said he doesn’t want to be with a single mother and he doesn’t love you like that. When people tell you who they are, believe them. There is the ever so slim chance that he’s afraid of commitment but really does love you and is used to sabotaging relationships to prevent them from getting serious. And maybe that sounds encouraging but you are still at a stand still. I think you have to ask yourself what your priorities are and anything that’s not that, you stay away from. So if finding a husband is a priority, you need to walk away at the first sign that this isn’t leading to that. Of course that’s easier said than done but you don’t want to give anyone an opportunity to waste your time. Call his bluff, is he willing to propose within the next 3 months and get married within a year of that? If the answer is no, walk away.

Listen to him. He doesn't want marriage. He won't wake up tomorrow and decide to get married. That type of change takes time, desire, and so much SELF work. He can't do that growth honestly with you by him pushing for more. Even if you don't talk about it again - he already knows that's what you want. But most importantly, you need to give yourself the opportunity to find someone that LOVES you and can't live without you! Staying with a man that is not fully in it is potentially just taking away from your opportunity for more! I've been in those "why can't he see it? We'd be great together. Maybe he just needs time or therapy" moments. Once I stopped holding on so tight. I walked away, worked on me, and realized I didn't miss them - I miss having 'someone.' And guess what? Eventually, I found someone who saw a future with me and didn't need to be convinced. We have a beautiful daughter, and I've never felt more loved and seen in my life. Choose you!

Ask him what he meant by “I don’t love you like that”? And he may try and back pedal and say he didn’t mean it. He told you he didn’t want a future with you and somehow he still managed to get you to stay and so maybe therapy is his tactic to try and get you to stay longer. He already said he doesn’t love you like you do and he hasn’t explicitly stated that he’s changed his mind about marrying a single mother, so what is there to work out in therapy? Don’t fall for it. It sounds like he’s hoping you guys can resolve any issues that you might be experiencing on the surface to keep you satisfied enough to keep you around without him having to commit. I will never understand men that won’t leave but won’t commit If he’s not ready for commitment, he just wants to waste your time. You can't bank your future on him figuring out what he wants and mustering up the courage or honor or whatever to act on it. You have to take what you’ve been given and make a decision for yourself

Girl stop letting that man play in yo face. He 40 and never been in a serious relationship 🚩🚩He told you twice he don’t want you. Men don’t grow in love. Even for him to suggest therapy but yet you the one booking it. Like huh? Men that wanna marry don’t act this way for the woman they want, not even a little.

I rarely tell someone to leave a relationship, not my place. However, girl walk away and find someone who is ready to commit! He isn't there and probably will never be.

As someone who is married I agree that a man who wants to be with a woman would never act like that. They would do anything in their power to make you his forever.

I feel you are wasting your time on someone who doesn’t really want you. It’s not normal to have to make someone love you, it’s not normal to have to go to therapy to make someone want to be with you. It’s sad, it’s horrible, but it appears he just doesn’t want you and you can’t accept that so you’re making excuses for him. He’s keeping you around because he doesn’t want to be alone, you’re a placeholder. He gets the benefits of a partner with none of the commitment and the ability to leave the second he finds someone else he actually wants. Therapy is suggested because he doesn’t want you to move on, not because he wants you, but because he’s selfish. Respect yourself more than this. When I met my partner as a single parent at 30, he had never been in a serious relationship, had always lived alone and had no experience with kids. He was all in and never did or said anything to make me doubt his commitment to us.

Its been a year already, therapy isn't going to change his views if after dating you for a year he still doesn't see that kind of future, therapy or another year isn't going to make a difference. Personally I'd cut my losses. When I met my now husband, we both were on the same page we knew what we both wanted. If I'd have met him and we didn't want the same things, we wouldn't have been compatible and then likely wouldn't be together now. He wants to keep you there, that's why he's suggested therapy, bit I personally don't think his opinion will change

Ugh I’m dating my best friend which didn’t work out in our 20s bc I wanted to marry. I’m back here again at 35 single mom divorced he’s telling me he wants 2 baby mamas… I’ve heard it somewhere to take me literally whenever they say something. My guy used to kinda say things just as you’ve described I couldn’t change him and again I’ve brought up the marriage thing. Reading these comments I too may be wasting my time with someone that it just won’t be like that. And marriage is my priority.

He seems to enjoy the good bits but that’s all he wants

Take him very serious from the words he says the first time is what I have learned lately. It sucks I know but men mean what they say.

So I do have a caviat: my closest friend is dating a guy who has 2 kids with a prior partner. Before him she never believed she’d ever date someone with kids. She saw how he was with his kids and she changed her mind. They now have a 3 year old son together with the 2nd kid almost at term. They’re happy together. In my case, my current husband didn’t want marriage or kids when I met him where I wanted both. He’s 3 years older than me but didn’t feel confident with the ladies. I was his first serious relationship. But we worked well together so well and connected so naturally. So I stayed with him. I won’t lie to you, it was really hard in that first year cuz I was fighting between my growing feelings for him and my desires to build a family. Fast forward to today, we’ve been married for 2 years and we have our 20m daughter. He told me when he was ready for kids and he was the one who wanted to propose to me; both without pressure from me.

Tho in order to not be the one who pressured him, resented him (or worse), I had to come to terms with the possibility we’d never get married or have kids. I had to accept that he would be enough for me. There’s no guarantee that your man will want marriage or children in the future. Yes it is possible that what he’s been saying will remain true for your entire relationship. So if you’re not happy with that or able to be content with that, it may be better to tell him. Be honest with him. I do believe in counseling so that is a potential avenue you could consider - either he will share fears / concerns he has or you’ll find that it just confirms what needs to be done. I’d say, talk to him. Have an open, deep and thorough conversation with him about this where you share how you feel. Consider your options together and then both of you have a think about it independently. If this doesn’t work out between the 2 of you, you could still come out of this with mutual respect.

@Nicole but what doesn’t make sense if he didn’t want to date a single mother… why the hell is he still there 12 months later?

I would say leave. Don’t waste your time. He has said what is on his mind and that won’t change, let’s not try to play the fixer role. And as for when you say you guys would be great together, men are very good at hiding their true intentions until it doesn’t work for them anymore. He can play the gentleman card and one day just tell you to leave without any remorse because he does not feel into the relationship.

Man idk. I would cut the losses When I started getting serious with my hubs he was divorced with a teen at home and I was never married before I had to have a talk with him I said I want to have a baby and to be married,I need to know that’s a possibility with you because I really like you and I don’t want to waste either of our times. Been married 11 years now My boyfriend/fiancé before him let our engagement go for years as much planning and stuff as I tried to do—anyway I hope this helps you need someone who wants the same thing you do out of the relationship

Therapy doesn’t necessarily have to be a commitment to stay and work on it for a year. You could tell him that you’ll do one session with him where you hear each other and decide if it’s worth moving forward.

Men know what they want. It’s hard for a man to love another man’s child. Some do it, and some can’t wrap their head around it. He sounds like he would’ve been committed if you didn’t have children or a past. You are forever tied to someone because you share a child, some men can’t get past that. He’s wasting time. If he truly loved you, he would take in your burdens as his own, and see your child/children as part of the package. Me and my man knew we wanted to be married early on and we didn’t have a past. We grew together and matured together as the years went by. I would’ve taken him at his word that he didn’t love you like you love him, the longer you stay together the more painful this bandaid will be to rip off.

@Lindsay I know this wasn’t to me but because it’s easy to continue to not be in a serious relationship. She is likely doing wifely/girlfriend things. He’s told her he doesn’t want anything serious but she is still there so he’s like fuck it I’m gonna keep these benefits. And never have to step up

I’ve been happily married for 16 years. He’s telling you all you need to know: he doesn’t love you the way you love him. He suggested therapy as a way to keep you from leaving. But YOU want this, not him. If you have doubts or are unsure about how a man feels about you, that’s your sign it’s NOT working. Because a man that is ALL in doesn’t leave any room for doubts. You will know 100% that you’re loved. And as hard as it is to hear, this is not the case.

@Khyia facts

He doesn’t want a relationship. He doesn’t want marriage. He likes you around simply for his own selfish needs. You clung to the idea you could change him. You can not. He back pedaled only because he had a slight bit of empathy that he hurt your feelings and panicked by giving you false hope of change. He will not change. He will never fully be what you need of him and he will never be a father figure to your child. He is 40 and has never been in a serious relationship and you won’t be the first serious relationship. He does need therapy and to focus on himself to heal what is needed if he desires an actual relationship. But he is 40 he stated what he wanted and didn’t want you just clung to hope and an illusion

"If he wanted to, he would." is the absolute best advice I've ever gotten. His actions and his words are saying he doesn't want to be committed to you. Suggesting therapy is just a way to keep stringing you along. Get out girl. Stop wasting your time with him.

He already said he doesn’t love you. Get out and move on. You deserve someone who loves you and your kids completely

Get rid and find someone better

@Chelsey Mirabel yassss to all of this! So true! He needs the therapy. He is being so selfish . Why they string us along I couldn’t say but yes to all of this

Excuse me? This man is a walking talking contradiction. I wouldnt take what he said with a pinch of salt, I'd take it at face value and know that anything he said after you became upset was him scrambling. Walk away, he does not want a stable future for you. Be strong. 31 is young by the way don't hold onto this useless unreliable man because you're scared, there are many men out there that want what you want xx

Could he change his mind? Yes. But the answer is not staying and waiting to find out. Give an ultimatum and leave. It is the only way he could potentially realize he does want to head in that direction. As long as you are willing to stay after he has been clear with you about his lack of intentions, he will also stay, it is comfortable, it is convenient, and he feels as if he owes you nothing. Muster the courage to walk away, and if he doesn’t get his shit together, honestly you dodged a bullet. Fuck guys who say they don’t want a single mom but still want the benefits, so small minded imo.

I would honestly give him very little time. You can't marry potential. This man is too old to need this much growth and soul searching to figure relationships out.

He just wants to mess around and don't want to commit to anything serious!

Thank you all for your advice. I see what you all are saying. I was hoping that this would work out. I think he is a great person.

He may be a great person but he’s not the person for you. He has told you that more than once. You need to listen. I know it’s hard but you will find someone who is good for you.

If marriage is your goal and he doesn't want to, then yes, leave. You said he said he doesn't love you the way you love him. If that's true. He loves you as just a friend? You'll have to talk it out and figure out if it's worth your time. Love him for the man he is showing you exactly who he is. Not the potential he could be. It's his actions and words of commitment that are important.

@Lindsay convenience, safety, he doesn’t have to put in effort. There are lots of reasons for someone to stay in a relationship with someone even if they don’t love them. I’m not saying he doesn’t care about her but he’s not in love with her.

"When people tell you who they are, believe them". Tell him to attend therapy alone since he is so "weird" and let him know you'll be giving him the space to get the help he needs to find out what he wants from life....move forward w/ your life and start dating others who want what you want and who dont have any issues w single mothers.

Why would you getting therapy change his mind about a relationship with you? As suggested he clearly isn’t in the same headspace as you. Every person deserves to be worshipped, don’t sell yourself short and settle for someone who doesn’t even love you as much as they possibly could

He knows exactly what he wants. And he's telling you, you're just not listening. IMO he's just suggesting that you go to therapy as a way of dangling a little bite of hope in front of your face to keep you around.

I got married to my husband after 9 YEARS of being together and having 2 kids with each other beforehand as well! But the difference is, we both were very honest and understanding of one another and our goals in life. They've always matched, ya know? And even though at times I've felt like our love was lopsided, I would communicate that with him and he would try hard to show me how much I mean to him. I was also in the headspace where I would rather be just his girlfriend than nothing at all with him, but I did make it clear especially in the year before he proposed how much getting married would mean to me but if he wasn't wanting that, then I wouldn't hold any resentment or change anything. That's when he decided to make that step too though. It's about making your feelings and goals clear with each other and respecting that even if they don't match. If that means you go separate ways, then so be it. But you both need to be upfront either way. No beating around the bush.