Child support advice

Recently become single my baby daddy been cheating on me and I found out that’s a story for another day 😭😭
So I’ve messaged him about child support
In long I put
These are the bills I get

Electric £110
Gas £70
Water £40
Food shopping weekly is £100 but I’m going to ask for £40 to put towards so in total I’ll be asking for
£70 a week which I think is fair
I’ve also asked him to pay for a months rent as he’s lived in my house rent free for over a year so I’ve asked him to pay half of a months rent which is £297

I will still be paying for clothes for her myself, nappies, wipes, creams, toys, her sports she’s into like swimming classes and travel cost getting there

Am I being ridiculous asking for this?

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Am I best going through child support and making a claim, he works cash in hand so I thought my best route would be asking him for it myself as on paper he doesn’t earn anything

If you make a claim they will get in touch with him to find out his earnings and expenses and work out your entitlement based on that. If he doesn’t respond within 14 days they then speak to his employer instead.

I’ve just gone through it cuz my sons dad stopped paying when we did it privately, the good thing about doing a claim is you can choose how you want to be paid they have direct (which is he pays direct to you) or collect and pay (csa take the money from him and pay to you) but if he chooses direct pay and you’ve chose collect and pay they’ll go with direct, that’s what’s happened to me.

Feel free to message me with any questions x

thank you for your reply my worry is going through hold support is he earns cash in hand, he’s just been fired from a job which pays into his bank so he does odd jobs and gets cash in hand for them, so no paper trail
Also he’s left a car bumper and a broke. TV outside my house any clue on how I get him to clear them up?

I’m not sure about the cash in hand but if you do the claim csa will be able to advise you once they’ve figured it out. They keep you updated with every step of the application.

With the bumper and tv I’d just see if there’s a scrap man who can come collect or something, he’s clearly not bothered by them to have left them and if you’ve had the awful weather I’ve had they’re definitely not gonna be much use x

Just message him and say “I need you to remove the bumper and tv by (give a date) if they’re not gone I will make arrangements to have them removed myself” that way it covers your back if you do get them removed because you’ve got proof you gave him chance to make arrangements for them

No you and your child need to maintain a stable lifestyle. You are being smart and practical which is responsible and good parenting!

You're not being unfair or ridiculous at all. It's not just your child it's his and he should be paying. You stated that he does cash in cash if you go through CMS it'll be hardly anything, it'll go based on what he says as down on paper he's not 'working'. Let's hope he steps up and agrees to this!

Thank you everyone for the advice and your experiences, I’ve sent a message asking and explaining the £70 child maintenance ask and he says yes as and when he can so whatever that means let’s hope he keeps too it 💖

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do