Hurt at the baby massage class

Lately our LO has been waking up a lot during the night, the other night every hour or so. Generally I give them a feed and put them to sleep but since they woke up every hour I didn’t want them to be on the breast every time so I chose to rock them around the room to put to sleep when I knew they weren’t hungry. This had them crying quite a lot at first and woke up my partner who is used to not waking up that much because the process of putting baby back to sleep is generally quite quiet otherwise. LO got addicted to falling asleep at the breast in the past and that doesn’t work for me because it exhausts me and also makes my breast sore at times so whenever I can avoid that I choose to - it’s just not something that works for me. Next day at the baby massage group partner asked if it’s ok to let baby sleep at the breast or suckle even if they aren’t hungry. Everyone said yes and even encouraged it and it made me feel very hurt and somewhat attacked, like I wasn’t a good mother because I choose not to do that. I tried talking to my partner about this and they didn’t understand why I’d feel hurt and also didn’t understand why I thought it was a leading question… maybe it wasn’t and maybe I am in the wrong but it doesn’t matter to me anymore, I just wanted to vent and maybe even get a different perspective (regardless of whether that’s agreeing with me or with my partner), anything that could help me view things differently so I can get past it.

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Bless you x my baby does this in the early hours and it’s killing me. I want to say well done for putting in some boundaries with what you know you can cope with and what you can’t. It’s very healthy. No wonder you felt attacked. Your partner was likely making innocent conversation to try to get more sleep 😂😂 but I know that would have upset me more that he’s sort of undermined your decision not to comfort feed. Ask your partner to consider how he would feel being used as a dummy essentially.

@Becca Thanks so much! I kinda got a bit carried away at the group and whispered to them that they wanted to make everyone attack me (which is a bit of a childish reaction coming out of hurt) and now they feel attacked because they think people heard (I really doubt it) so resolution doesn’t seem in sight 😩 I said I’m sorry and will try to do better but I don’t know what else I can do.

You're not wrong for feeling hurt at all. I did not BF for one reason or another so I cannot say I know what it feels like but I cannot even begin to imagine how exhausting and painful it is having a baby sucking on you every hour of the night and throughout the day too. I'd say good on you for doing it differently. And it's sad your partner is rallying on the support of other women for his own benefit (more sleep) instead of being in your corner.

@Maggie Thanks so much! My partner insists that they weren’t intending to get anyone to attack me but I couldn’t help but feel that.

Depending how old you’re little one is, but this sounds like it could be cluster feeding, which is meant to produce more breast milk by the baby demanding more, even if they aren’t “hungry”. Personally, my baby is 2 weeks old and he has cluster fed twice. I was told to feed every 2-3 hours, but several times I’ve slept through my alarm and my little one never woke up and we both slept 7-8 hrs (am I wrong for indulging in sweet sweet sleep? Maybe lol) but hes doing great thus far..

@Pamela Noelle Yeah, he’s not cluster feeding ‘cause he’s not really feeding, he’s just flutter sucking for comfort. When he feeds I definitely let him on; he’s almost 4 months old now so he hasn’t been cluster feeding lately. Also, nothing wrong with wanting to sleep! Get that rest momma 🥰

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