I HATE MY KIDS FATHER AND WISH I NEVER HAD CHILDREN WITH HIM

This is just a bit of a rant because I can’t really talk to anyone else about this!!! I love my kids more than anything in this world but there’s a massive part of me that wishes I’d never had them with my ex! I don’t know how to explain it. I want them I just wish it hadn’t of been with him. I hate sharing them with him he’s a horrible human being so manipulative and narcissistic and just plain evil. He constantly says things he knows will hurt me just because he can. Enjoys it I think. My babies are my everything and they look at him like he hung the moon. I left because he was abusive and it kills me that he still gets rights to be a father. I’m not the type of person who would take them away from their dad because it would just hurt them but sometimes I wish I could just be evil and petty to get him back and fucking hit him where it hurts the most!! Why did I ever think he was the right person to have a family with.