ASD and anxiety advice please 😔🙏 (long post)

Hi ladies. I put up recently about our son struggling to settle at school, separation anxiety and his speech (it’s great but repeats from tv shows etc all day). I spoke to HV, we went through everything and saying it all out loud was pretty clear- so we got an ASD referral. The last few weeks have been really hard as all his mannerisms for some reason seem to have become heightened. He’s ticing/ stimming more, will NOT go to family members houses or soft play etc. (We’ve missed our family Halloween party tonight because we had a meltdown in the car about going, and cried when we got to soft play for a party so stayed in the pram for the hour). Bath time is even more horrendous. Cries and screams he’s not getting in and we just have to give him a bath like that now because we don’t know how to calm him down anymore 😔 Really hard as we also have an 18month old who is getting less attention because our son’s meltdowns and crying demand so much time and one on one attention. Does anyone have ANY advice about how to deal with these situations? Im trying my best to learn about ASD and his possible PDA profile but it’s all so new and so much to learn and understand, I feel like I’m really failing both my sons at the minute 💔
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This is a really crappy answer and I’m sorry but it’s likely preschool. We had to remove our daughter and home educate and she’s a lot better now, far from typical but she’s not constantly in distress Helpful group: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/sbdQvLECCynoKCCE/?mibextid=K35XfP

It’s really hard for anyone to help cos all ASD children are so different! Maxi came trick or treating with us last night but had a full meltdown about putting on a costume- so he didn’t! He also was able to thank people for the treats- even with limited speech! He finds busy places really hard (like the playground at school run) but is doing great at preschool! Weve found that him having little toys (marbles, string, little figures) for him to focus on and fiddle with really help him x

@Kierrah no not at all, I did think that myself because he almost seems a bit different since starting or things are just more obvious because he can’t ‘hide them’ or keep his feelings in as much if that makes sense? Thanks for that, I joined the group and it’s already been helpful.

@Laura aw bless him! We were the same for Halloween, he wanted a costume then when he saw it went mad and wouldn’t put it in- doesn’t bother me but I just want to know almost how to help him cope with going from 0 to 100 and that he doesn’t have to do things. It would be nice to still go to family parties though. I’ll try and always bring things he likes. Can I ask do you find those settings difficult as they’re busy or does fidgeting with things calm maxi enough? If our son says no he’s not going it means no, and I don’t know how to balance that out so we can all get out to something ☹️

We try and validate how he’s feeling it’s ok we understand that you’re sad/angry etc and we can do (offer appropriate suggestions) usually that manages to bring him down a bit then we can distract! Yes they are difficult but I can’t leave his siblings at school so it’s something we have to do, I make sure I’m prepared snacks/drink/toys/ the pushchair so he can hide is he needs to. Today we went to bluewater so our eldest could spend her birthday money, he spent most of the day in the pushchair with the hood down with a cup of squash (drinking is a huge comfort and he also doesn’t eat well)

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