Men Suck…

I’m 4 weeks postpartum. I discovered my partner of 3 yrs + father of my child on snapchat/ onlyfans asking women for nude videos and paying for them, then deleting the messages. I personally don’t mind that he watches porn, but paying for it is wild when we have a family to support. Hiding it is lying. Also, these are women he went to high school with and knows personally! He admits he has been doing this since we met, but is adamant that it’s only been online and he hasn’t attempted any in-person interactions. Still, I am livid. I feel cheated on. But I have a newborn and live across country from my family… Is this cheating? What would you do?
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Honey that’s cheating. Get out of there.

In my eyes that's cheating, different people define cheating in many different ways. However, if you're hiding things, paying to see other women, and deleting things you're cheating. If you're not, then why the sneaking around? It doesn't matter if it's over the Internet or not you're cheating and I won't be with someone who's deceitful. Sorry you're going through this, especially with just giving birth.

Had something similar, not this severe, and I considered it to be cheating. He was remorseful and was willing to put in the work to make things right and work towards regaining my trust and building my confidence back up. I still struggle with it sometimes but he has not done it again and gives me reassurance, kindness, comfort and patience when I need it. Betrayal in a relationship is very serious and would need to be addressed in detail to move forward if that's the route you're wanting to take.

Sometimes u just need to catch them in the act to shake them out of it. At the end of the day he is a man and is human. No EXCUSE tho Either u give it a shot and let him work for it and make an effort or u move on and leave him. I’ve been there in the same situation once before, he needed a wake up call. Sometimes men just get comfortable in their bad habits and it catches up

I don’t just because he’s a men you should have to forgive him. In my eyes is cheating. However I don’t agree with watching porn and neither does my husband, I think a lot of men get addicted to it from watching it over and over again, to the point just watching porn isn’t enough anymore. Ultimately you have to decide what you want to do and I understand you are in a vulnerable position right now with a newborn.

You don't have to pack your bags and walk out this minute, but you can kick him to the couch and plan for how to leave. You can stay, and forgive, and try to work it out IF you want. It's a valid choice. But if you don't want to, don't. You did not say he said sorry. You did not say he promised to stop.

From someone who tried, it never gets better

Exchange of money is an non negotiable to me. Idc if it’s paying for content, for sex, for her nails, once money has been sent I’m done. Also to be doing it for the whole relationship he clearly has a problem. I’d be on the first flight out

Accidentally pushed the second button instead of the first. I would be so hurt if my partner did this. How does he have time for this while having a 4 week old? He should be looking for you and Bub after work. I would try to work it out first but if he's unwilling to let go of this I dunno if I would stay in this relationship.

I would try to work it out with him though if he’s been doing this since the beginning of the relationship it’s unlikely for him to stop now. He knows what he’s doing is wrong. That’s why he hid it. Also if you feel cheated on, you class this as cheating. Honestly, so do I. From my experience it honestly doesn’t get better and you’re better off leaving because it could actually get worse. Especially if he’s a porn addict. Soon paying for nudes won’t be stimulating enough and he’ll need to up the dosage to get the same dopamine hit. Eventually leading to physically cheating on you. I don’t like advising people to leave their relationships when there are kids involved so I would say definitely try to work with him first. If he fails you he will continue to do so and you need to decide whether or not this is something you can live with.

I’m sorry that ur going thru this. Congratulations on ur new bundle. Bt I just want to say that I know ur hurting bt MEN don’t suck (ur Husband sucks) don’t let the actions of one man make u think that men suck. What ur Husband did is no acceptable and I would be leaving him, if I were u

I put other. Definitely cheating but if you leave him or try and work it out is up to you to decide. He's put you in a horrible situation and either way he's got some serious making up to do.

If he's willing to pay for it there's no telling when he'll actually attempt to do it in person if it's not u he's looking at. any thing like that is still cheating to me

Yeah without questions asked I dump him faster than he could come up with excuses 🙄some men a pieces of shit ...your deserve better for your family ....he shouldn't be doing that all it ,that's not right 🥺

Erg. I accidentally clicked "no forgive him" - RUN!!

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I personally would consider staying with a one-time cheater for the sake of our children. However that’s all too much and I’d be gone gone. I’m sorry you’re in this situation

@Anonn fr 😂😂🤣

You deserve more then that hunny. I personally would leave without question

It's not something I would run from, but it would 100% make me less trusting so he would really have to work for it to prove nothing is going on. And that trust would be something he never fully regains

What an absolute nasty..... I'm sorry you are going through this, you deserve better. It's easy for people to say leave but I understand in some people's situations it's not that easy, and actually only you know deep down if your trust is non existent. For me, this would be a massive issue and I'd have to consider leaving. It's too much of a disrespect. Also if he's been up to this for a while, it's worse. You have to search deep down to find out what you want, just know not all men are like this. There are good ones out there. And there is support out there if you decide to leave. Wishing you all the best x

Yes, it is cheating 😣 I am so sorry this is happening to you It might be true that he hasn’t had any in person interactions.. but even this to me is crossing the line. Come on, you have a damn family - a family man doesn’t do this. I guess it comes down to whether you can accept and move on or not

He’s been cheating in your for 3 years !!! That’s wild , get your stuff and move in with family !!

Paying for porn! Who does that?! Maybe he has an addiction.

This behavior is always wrong. But imo any man that's willing to put their energy into pursuing other women in any capacity when you are pregnant or within the first year postpartum does not deserve forgiveness. They should have been putting that energy into you & their new child.

Telling someone with a 4 week old to run is just not right. I left at 4 months and it was awful. Def need more time to adjust. If you can be supported by family try that!

@Vanessa he has been cheating on her for 3+ years …. And her family is across the country

Right now I guess you don’t have the resources to leave, but always know that he is still gonna cheat.

I believe any form of porn is cheating. He completely disrespected and failed you. I’m sorry 😞

This may be controversial but to me absolutely cheating. And there are far better more useful things he should be spending his money on including you and everything you need for your child! If you can I’d pack yourself and your baby up and move back across country with your parents. UNLESS he is willing to stop. And if it were me it would include stipulations like you needing to have access to his bank account to see if there are O F transactions.

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