Indecisive partner

Does anyone else have a seriously indecisive partner? Every weekend - "what are we doing today?" Everthing is "i don't mind". Everything i say is followed up by a "are you sure?". Everywhere we go "so.. what's the plan plan?" and googling everything from places to street names to parking etc everywhere we go beforehand and will try to talk me out of going if a plan isn't clear enough. When left to his own devices "I dont know what to do with myself" asks me what he should do, or does his fail safe playing PlayStation. Yes, he is an anxious person. No, he will not admit this to me which makes it more annoying as cannot address it then. Instead he makes stupid excuses for everything he doesn't do eg can't go to the shop bc there wasn't a space when he looked (doubt he went), cannot order a coffee when out with me because "you know it better" or just physically steps back so it just looks like i happen to be at the till so may as well make the order. I feel too bad bringing up how I obviously see through the excuses. I obviously see he is anxious. I obviously end up making every decision. It's tiring. Having a kid now, I'm sure it'll only get worse. I feel bad as eg not once in our relationship has he just popped by a shop to grab dinner. Because he's obv too scared to. Our kid will grow up with me being the one tonget the surprise snacks, do the trips, make decisions etc. Honestly, I'm actively going to make sure our kid does not overly rely on me when older to make decisions as it would be so annoying. My partner now thinks he is helping make a decision e.g. so what colour? Brown or blue? And he'd be like "hm. Brown or blue acrually, i don't mind". That's not an answer. Anyway.... any advice how to break this? I find (and he finds) me getting snappy every time I'm having to make yet another decision and being asked "ok. Is that what you'd prefer?". Yes. That's why i said it. And youve suggests nothing, yet again. One saving grace is will tell me if he doesn't want to do something. But also not helpful when he can do that, but can't suggest an alternative lolol. And he's the least anxious in his family 😂

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I have anxiety and can relate. However, when my child came along I grew confidence to do things because I knew if I didn’t try and work my way through my fears then I wouldn’t be giving her a good life. Before her, I couldn’t go outside by myself. I’m still not 100% through it which is why I’m on waiting list for therapy. I would recommend this to him. Most doctors wouldn’t want to put people on medication before recommending therapy. The only way forward is if he admits to himself and you that he has anxiety and he needs to work on it. It is difficult to live with, I find social aspects really difficult because of past trauma’s and negative experiences. I would talk to him and say you care about him. I wouldn’t suggest going in and saying “why are you so indecisive”. I would ask him and tell him you’re there to support him. People who want to get better will take actions to do so. I completely understand how hard it can be, my partner felt the same with me. The indecisiveness might

Be because he wants to please you. If he’s gone through previous relationships where his partners were unhappy with his choices, this could impact his decision making. Both me and my partner are indecisive as we both want to make each other happy. I’ve started to tell my partner that I want to make decisions together. Even if that’s deciding what dinner we are having. We both need to be on board with it. It’s both of our choice and it’s both of ours responsibility to make sure we are both happy. Some people might be indecisive for another reason but you’ll only know the reason if you ask and he is willing to tell you. Some people are because it’s easier for them. I find it hard to know what I want to eat most of the time anyway because sometimes I don’t feel like eating anything or I need to go out and have a look first. You could also make a meal plan if he is happy with it. Every week can do different things and shop for certain items. It can break down that decision making. If

He doesn’t know what he wants to eat even with the meal plan then he’s going to have to sort himself out or decide with you before writing the meal plan

Yeah, it definitely is an anxiety thing and I see some improvements but I cannot lie, it is tiring. His sister has mentioned he had past relationships where they would be unhappy with his choices at times, but also that his partners were very anxious themselves. I am really not anxious in comparison and I think he has a mixture of trying to make sure he doesn't make the "wrong" decision, it being easier for me to choose, the fact he sees me as making better decisions and being more able in novel situations to navigate through. It is hard as he admits he is more anxious than me, but either isn't aware of or does not want to admit how debilitating his anxiety can be which leads him to alter how he does things. I do hope as our daughter gets older that he will take more initiative, as I have said to him before it's only frustrating to me because he is more than capable of doing things. Funnily enough we both work in mental health so very aware of symptoms, but it does make it harder that doesn't admit to it+

Thank you for your insight though, it does help me have more patience! @Dionne

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