AITAH for creating boundaries w/ SD

My fiancée & I have 3 kids between us (me -2 & him 1) they’re all close in age, like I’m talking 9,8&7 about to be two 9 year olds in the home… a few weeks ago there was an incident w/ my daughter and SD about getting rid of some stuffies because they’re taking over their room. I gave them one entire day to clean their shared room and it barely got picked up, then my fiancee gave them a week, and said If it wasn’t done than we were going up there and getting rid of lots of things. It took a day and a half to go thru their entire room, fix their closet & dresser and rearrange everything to be more functional and for more storage space. All the while we got rid of 2 HUGE bags of books and half a garbage bag of stuffies to go and donate. The next time my SD went to her moms she had somehow brought up the stuffies (which was over a week later to add and she had no problem w/ anything over the week) and how now I was making her so upset and crying…. I tried reaching out to her mom via the parenting app as her and my fiancee have a PO to tell her the actual conversation and how it was said to BOTH girls, as my SD had exaggerated it beyond what actually happened. Since then my SD has been more disrespectful and talking back to me and not listening which then causes issues w/ my daughter trying to do the same and follow the older siblings… my fiancee and I had a night where it was just us and my SD after my kids’ went for their weekly overnight (SD doesn’t have one w/ her mom that’s a story for another time lol) and as soon as my kids left the car before her dad got in she immediately asked me if they were dropping me off at home, dad got in the car and she started icing me out. He ALWAYS holds my hand and moves me to a certain side of him as we walk, and she literally ran and shoved me while I was trying to catch up to him walking into dinner: then during dinner she asked for a smoothie and started to cry and whine because he said no and she needed an actual drink w/dinner. She refused to acknowledge me the entire dinner. He then took her go karting which I was already annoyed with because I hear we have no money and we haven’t done this kind of thing w/ my kids yet had $250 to blow that night on dinner, go karts and other crap she wanted…. And she proceeded to ignore me the entire time except when her dad stood by me and then she demanded his attention. Hand holding thing happened again. We got home and I fighting back tears went into my room to have a moment before having to go sit and watch a movie with them… I just wanted left alone… he comes In and asked why so I explained it all to him, and he said well what are you teaching her by not talking to her, and running in here. You’re supposed to be the bigger person…. I felt guilty so I went back to the living room, and the movie started as I’m on a completely different couch because she took my blanket and spot and he just snuggled up to her… I couldn’t help but cry and after a while I came to the room. It got so bad I was having a full on panic/anxiety attack and called my mom and she drove 45 mins to my house because I couldn’t breathe or talk and was super scared about how tight my chest was. My fiancee came in the room and said he had talked to my SD, and asked why she was doing what she was to me and she claimed to not know but knew it was mean and not right… he then told her she needed to apologize (it’s been over a month and she has YET to apologize). Since then things have just been HARD. In my previous marriage I had a SS & we had our problems but NOTHING like this. I was and still am friends w/ his mom. I’ve tried to reach out to her mom and nothing. At the beginning my SD & I had such a good relationship and now it seems it’s going downhill. We still have good moments but idk what to do. My instinct is to go in my room and take a minute so I don’t absolutely SNAP, but apparently that’s not being the bigger person….. I feel like I’m not the only one who should be held soo accountable…

in our community

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

He has no respect for anything to do with me.

Husband and I decided to separate 3 days ago. I've been sleeping on the floor in the kids room, and we both have to stay in the same apartment for a while. He wont stop pushing little things and I am reaching my limit. Photos in comments

Toddlers

How often are your toddlers asking for food? My oldest who is 3 just finished a whole plate of food and not even 10 minutes later he’s requesting more food. I know he’s going through a growth spurt, but how do you respond to this.

Just need a vent

My MIL currently lives with us; as well as my SIL, her husband, and her 2 severely autistic children. My boyfriend has been redoing a house for their family to move into while he has been on paternity leave. All that is left is the electric and plumbing brought up to code. Which he doesn’t know how to do but my MIL family does for a living. He goes back to work starting Monday. My MIL decided that instead of helping with the electric and calling her family to come out and start on it, that she was going to go visit her oldest son and family that live 2 hours away. Which would have been fine if they hadn’t just gotten over the flu. Literally the day she goes to visit, she messaged my SIL and says that 2 of the kids are sick again. So she ends up staying up there for a week until the kids “get over it”. She’s been back since Tuesday and started saying yesterday that she doesn’t feel good. After trying multiple times to hold my 2 month old daughter, standing over me while I’m trying to take care of my daughter when crying, and coughing near my daughter. At 4am this morning when I woke up for a night feed, I felt like crap. My stomach has been hurting so bad that it made me feel nauseous. And I’ve (tmi) diarrhea all day so far. If she did bring something in, I now have to try and not give it to my newborn and take care of her sick at the same time. I’m just beyond pissed that she didn’t think of the baby before going there and coming back after being around sick kids. She also didn’t even try to quarantine herself from us and the baby.