i don’t know how to feel

it’s my bd’s birthday. for context, we live together, our baby is under 1 and since i was pregnant social services have been involved because of his drinking and sexually assaulting me. he works late and so always goes drinking after, staying out all night and coming back a state after taking things and spending all the money which is supposed to be for rent and nappies. he’s gone to see his ex a few times too. even after being mugged twice in a week and getting his phone and bag stolen, he still chooses to go out then come home to his baby. the situation is very abusive and we rely on him financially. i’ve just had a miscarriage nine months postpartum, i have no family or friends. he isn’t close to his family and they live a few hours away. he hasn’t seen them in over two years. he didn’t tell them we were even dating until i was in my third trimester. they never respected my boundaries and even after my traumatic emergency caesarean wanted to see our baby who was in nicu asap. i am strongly against posting pictures with my baby’s face or people having pictures without my consent. my bd sent pictures of our baby and they keep posting them on social media. my bd only talks to them when he needs money for nights out and so sends them pictures of our baby in exchange for money. his dad is also a heavy alcoholic which is where he’s gotten drinking from since he was little. we’ve told them we wouldn’t be comfortable with them showing up unannounced. he’s never been a birthday person, says it’s any other day and wasn’t even going to book it off work. but i told him if he wanted to go see his parents that i would get him a train ticket as a present, he said he didn’t want to see them. i spent ages practicing making his favourite dinner, baking his favourite cake, trying to find a book he’d love, wrapping his presents and making his cards (one from me and one from our baby). we were supposed to have a chill day nothing fancy, go to the park and christmas markets and then come home. this morning, he sexually assaulted me again and when i reacted overwhelmed crying and angry he got mad at me and said i’d ruined his birthday. i spent the rest of the morning doing errands and gave him space. we were about to have lunch and then go out for the day as a family when his parents call and say they’re thirty minutes away. i asked him how he felt and what he wanted and he said he assumed because we’d argued this morning our plans were cancelled and so he was going to see them. he kept telling me how i was feeling about the situation and said i was mad for him seeing his parents when i was hurt that he just dumped our plan when something else came along. i reminded him i had been encouraging him to see his parents. that i asked him all day what he wanted and all he said was i shouldn’t have gotten upset this morning after what he did. i told him i didn’t feel comfortable with him coming home if he was drunk and he told me i was overreacting.