SAHMS

How do you divide chores at home? Do you do everything, or does your husband help? My husband is the one who decided that I should stay at home because daycares would cost as much as my pay anyway so we had a discussion and said that I should be the stay-at-home parent that however turned into me being the everything parent and everything person. And I hate that I have to tell him to contribute in the house because he does do most of the work lay but he brings in the money but in the house he doesn't do much he only helps when he wants to help and that's really getting frustrating because he only has one thing to do in the house which is to do the dishes and he takes three days to a week to do dishes. So, how do you guys do things in your household? we have an 8-month-old. Parenting her and teaching her is on me. I do most of the reading. I do most of the changing. I do most of the learning feeding playing everything. I'm slowly becoming burned out and resentful because I get tired of constantly telling this grown person to do the freaking dishes and it's really unfair that he gets to go live his life and I cannot I have to ask for permission to go pee.

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With great difficulty lol, I’m a hot headed person sometimes and I’ll just tell him to pull his weight around the house because it isn’t just me who contributes to mess. For example, I cook every single night and a rule of thumb is he washes up whilst I get the baby to bed. Sometimes I get the “I’ll do it” but I feel I can be waiting for ever and due to my own frustration I’ll just do it because I can’t wait😂

I’ll leave the house dirty I never cared and eventually he cleans

I do everything. He’ll cook and clean when I ask but I don’t ask often because he works three jobs.

I have 5 kids, he cleans up after himself but doesn’t partake in cleaning the house or dishes or laundry. That being said I do take my laundry to the cleaners sometimes because keeping up with 7 people’s laundry is nearly impossible. And he puts the kids to bed which isn’t hard but I go to sleep earlier. I personally do not mind taking care of everything because I get to spend freely and have no budget.

I am in the same position as you. My partner does not help with anything. I have cried to him about these things and tried to just talk it out to really understand why he is not helping. He says he is going to change and help out but truly nothing has changed over the years. It’s just me doing literally everything around the house and for the kids. What has helped me is that I know things can be done on my time and if he complains then he can do it.

At the moment, I have a 17 month old and a 2 month old. My husband takes the toddler at 7am and does breakfast and makes me a coffee while I have the baby. If he has time, he gets some bottles sterilised and packs me some snacks if I go out for the day. At night time while I'm doing a bath for the kids, he will do dinner, or the other way around. I put the toddler to bed every night while he has the baby. Baby naps on the couch and he watches her until about midnight so I have time to clean the house and have a shower in the evenings. Then I do the rest of the night with the baby so he can sleep, and he will get up at 7am with the toddler. We both thought it was important to come up with a system where we were both happy and compromising on things. It's the only fair way. Yes he works hard, so I take on all the cleaning, laundry, household jobs etc and I want to do that for him but the compromise is that he HELPS me get them done by watching the kids, and doing dinner.

Sometimes I wait until things are looking pretty dire and then I get stressed out and ask him to help me for 5 minutes and then we do stuff at the same time. Maybe once a month he does something in the house without me asking? The rest of the time I have to ask him to do it but he does it when I ask. We are expecting our first and he has already been saying he wants to be active with the baby, changing nappies etc. I think with him going out to work I understand him wanting you to do the housework but I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to spend time with the kid? Can you get him more involved with story time, bathtime? Start with the fun bits?

I’m the stay at home (WFH also when I’m not on Mat Leave) and my partner usually does FIFO so is gone for weeks at a time but since we had our baby 11 weeks ago he is working near home everyday. He comes home and generally does dinner, we have an 11yo too so between the three of us, the dishes are done and house is clean/tidy by the end of the day. My partner always chips in without asking and I am so grateful because I know not all dads are like this. I didn’t get any help with my first born (different dad) so I did everything on my own. It was hard.

I have to do all the chores. I will clean the kitchen and not even 5 minutes later it's a huge mess and he refuses to clean. We are currently working on getting our 3 girls back so I'm hoping he will step up and help for their sake

My husband does very little. He helps around the house but does the bare minimum. I feel very blessed bc we have a housekeeper that comes once a month, a mommy helper once a week, and a nanny twice a week. In other words I have a village 🫶 plus my parents watch my baby every other Friday.

My husband helps with everything especially on the weekends. I do more but that's to be expected as I am with baby Mon-Fri

My partner do most certainly half of the chores and sometimes more. I care for our kids, I m not a slave of my family

I do all chores and am with baby everyday morning, afternoon, and night because he works 2nd shift and sleeps in. He helps with baby at night and for chores he does things without me asking when he can (he’s not a very clean person himself so I doubt he would do it for himself either lol). On days he has off he takes on the baby more. I like to take the load off him since he works and provides but anything I ask him to do whether it’s chores or changing diapers or waking up early so I can sleep in he will do it without saying anything about it. I get where you’re coming from 100% because I too feel overwhelmed and burned out sometimes and mad that he can go to the bathroom in peace or get scheduled breaks or sleep in and I can’t. I think if he’s slacking in his ONE JOB doing the dishes at home that’s a problem. If you are telling him constantly to step up as a dad and that “I’m sinking” basically and he is just disregarding that I would be resentful too and he needs to change

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